Snippets from the article (if anyone bothered to actually ... I dunno ... READ it):

FBI agent Joe Barron told the Washington Queefblaster Daily that the work being done was mainly just to prevent Trumptards from filling their depends with choco-chunks and described the circumstances behind the destruction of the planted “evidence.”

“We had the laptop in the ‘Bigfoot Department’, which is where we keep all the stuff we know is absolute bullshit, but pretend to look at anyway."

Other federal representatives defended the tale by noting that it is both more realistic than Rudy Giuliani’s explanation of the events leading into the controversy, as well as still being a better love story than “Twilight.”