Usually I don't remember my dreams and this one was really interesting.
I was playing golf and was at the green about to make a put. It was nice midday sunlight
All of a sudden I heard a loud thunderclap and I looked up in front of me and there was a massive storm cloud rapidly forming and spreading across the sky as I was watching it briefly.
I felt safe with this storm bit realised I need to get into shelter, but the only shelter around was in the direction of the storm so I started running into the storm and I was marvelling at the black clouds and all of a sudden a bolt of lightning fell and spilt into 5 branches striking the ground.
It didn't startle me or frighten me but it woke me up after hearing the lightning strike.
I lay awake thinking the Strom is the natural result of forces above us instead of running from the storm it was best to embrace it and weather it out, but the lightning had a sense of God's power behind it. For some reason seeing the lightning comforted me
Hope its not too long and it makes sense.
Turned away in college I was studying science and teachers were blatant this disproves God. I went to church and said this is what i was told what do you have to say to refute. What i got was just have faith just believe. I stepped away didnt live wild but psychologically i realized atheism if im consistent with it .Everything is pointless it leads to Nihilsm I was in a depressed state. Then I started noticing inconsistency in the sciences. Lightning struck primordial water repeatedly and over time life formed(more complexity but still the explanation is stupid).In science the Universe was eternal before Eistein theory of relativity ,that brings up universe began but Something cant come from nothing what caused it? String theory quantum fluctuation etc still a force prior started this(God?).
I then Studied all the religions to see what they said, many believe in eternal universe makes it easy to X out. Islam was a no Jihad 9th Sura. Now im back to there is a God. I worked security I would read was challenged to read Bible they gave me one. John 14 saw oh thats how you get Holy Spirit helps me overcome anger. I go back to church but now im studying bible. Realized in my gifts I can maybe teach and got dragged to preach. Thats when it went down hill . I started seeing what was being taught was different from what i was reading I now went to prove myself wrong studied took crazy notes wanted to agree with him but kept quiet. But i approached him after a sermon for clarity I asked. You said demas was strong for God was diligent but he fell in love with the world turned away, and hes in heaven . I quoted the Bible says those who love the world the love of the father is not in them. After that he had it out for me. I was shunned off a question .
i Kept in the Bible by Gods grace my path was established out of church or i wouldve fell off. Prior had Found out about Logos word study under him but it was only the greek no old testament thats the law done away . I saw him others break down the bible in greek but still conform it to their understanding didnt teach out the books hebrews ,james ,titus, peter was weird. After being shunned I started digging into Hebrew because its Jesus language his culture we are grafted through him and found Hebrew is a different understanding worldview than English Greek.I looked onto the early history found out about the Natsarim( Messianics) that Paul was called the leader of in Acts. I still trying going to churches it normally goes lets disciple him teach him. What i wanted was fellowship but Id go along to try be open. The best example of how it normally goes was one tried to teach me the word is like a sword cutting spirit &soul. They said we dont know the difference in them but it does. I went "you mind if i share a possible answer" explained in torah we are defined as ruach nafesh and neshama and how they vary . They laughed at me said that was the best explanation theyve heard but poo pooed it. would happen many other times id offer heres a perspective then after get treated me as a know it all "you think youre too smart, im prideful ,in discussion why do i always have an answer " but its fine when im just sitting nodding to them ...
Thats why Im reluctant my intent, character, attributes get attacked so i shut up. Psalms 1 I feel was written to keep me strong haha. I have a spiritual elder(Lutheran origin) he works with me , at My friends church I go to help out serving when they do, i have a brother in christ (meshiach haha) we iron each other just talk for hrs . and there are outcasts to the assembly God has directed my way who are hurt and have questions and are seeking .
Thanks for sharing
That's interesting your really searching for truth.
I was also unimpressed with science, the amount of luck and time they rely on for their world or simple cell to form is unbelievable and then claim the God of the gaps against us. I believed in God from a young age and hated that I had to write down as if evolution was true and had debates and asked a lot of questions that no-one could answer.
So like you I learnt more science and that bought me to the Bible, the Bible is a very complex book and if you do what you do, studying it in koine and Hebrew the depth and complexity increases greatly.
Sorry bout your bad experience in church, there's so many different spirits of church'es and looks like you went into one that only wants the top levels of studying doctrine.
I'm sure you will find the right church but if not study it yourself as the Jews have for thousands of years and go to church for your Eucharist and fellowship.
Best of luck ??
Appreciate you and your words, thank you God Bless