My contribution to the next campfire sing-a-long
(media.greatawakening.win)
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Nice 2 nd verse.. lol
Should change "urine" to "pee" in the last verse.
Fits better.
Meter is as important as rhyme. I needed a two syllable word to fit the melody.
I know.
I think the meter is off using "urine".
Count the syllables.
No the meter is right in the current version.
E-ven if the ur-ine will go (8) Through a flesh-y sort of dil-do (8)
But the comma should come after through (even though you didn't add it like you did in the other verses).
"Even if her urine will go through,
a fleshy sort of dildo"
vs
"Even if her pee will go through,
A fleshy sort of dildo"
Just seems to flow better
scrap the third verse, it doesn't work and is distracting. The first two are great!
Everyone's a critic!
I did not know the win was the place to find song writers