My contribution to the next campfire sing-a-long
(media.greatawakening.win)
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But the comma should come after through (even though you didn't add it like you did in the other verses).
"Even if her urine will go through,
a fleshy sort of dildo"
vs
"Even if her pee will go through,
A fleshy sort of dildo"
Just seems to flow better
Through doesn’t rhyme with dildo in this version. The ends of the lines need to rhyme.
Meter wise it also doesn’t work at all
In the original, “will go” rhymes with “dildo”
Sure, on paper it seems correct, but the brain is trained to say the phrase "go through" as two words meant to be said together, without giving pause between them.
By requiring that pause, and splitting them up into two different lines in the song, it seems more forced.
Hence, my thought it seemed to flow better.
The words "will go" are the last words of the line and are meant to rhyme with "dildo." You are supposed to sing it thusly:
EV-en IF her UR-ine WILL-go
THROUGH a FLESHY-y SORT of DIL-do
Alternately, it could have gone: Even if her urine will flow / Out a fleshy sort of dildo. Can you hear it now? It kills a joke to have to explain it.
But that works because "go through" is naturally said together but must be consciously separated by a pause, as the song is written.
The verse you suggested doesn't have that problem.
It doesn’t, because it doesn’t rhyme and there’s an uneven number of syllables on each line, so the meter is going to be wrong.
It’s also not hard to say the words “go through” with a pause. That’s a silly excuse
Sure, you can say it if you have to think about it.
The point is it should flow without having to think about it.