My contribution to the next campfire sing-a-long
(media.greatawakening.win)
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Sure, on paper it seems correct, but the brain is trained to say the phrase "go through" as two words meant to be said together, without giving pause between them.
By requiring that pause, and splitting them up into two different lines in the song, it seems more forced.
Hence, my thought it seemed to flow better.
The words "will go" are the last words of the line and are meant to rhyme with "dildo." You are supposed to sing it thusly:
EV-en IF her UR-ine WILL-go
THROUGH a FLESHY-y SORT of DIL-do
Alternately, it could have gone: Even if her urine will flow / Out a fleshy sort of dildo. Can you hear it now? It kills a joke to have to explain it.
But that works because "go through" is naturally said together but must be consciously separated by a pause, as the song is written.
The verse you suggested doesn't have that problem.
It's called syncopation.
It doesn’t, because it doesn’t rhyme and there’s an uneven number of syllables on each line, so the meter is going to be wrong.
It’s also not hard to say the words “go through” with a pause. That’s a silly excuse
Sure, you can say it if you have to think about it.
The point is it should flow without having to think about it.
Right and the version you wrote doesn’t flow or rhyme. The rhyme structure of this is AABBA, meaning the third and fourth lines have to rhyme.
“Through,” or “go through,” doesn’t rhyme with “dildo.”
“Will go” does.
You also have an awkward number of syllables (15) that makes the flow stutter on the line change
Also if you have to think that hard about not saying “go through” without a pause then I think you might need to go back to school…
Actually, you are the one needing to go back to school, since you have trouble putting commas in the right place.
Then look at the lyrics of many songs, and try to understand rhyme is not as important as flow.