⁣After the shocking revelations that COVID-19 may have indeed been a product of ego-maniacal scientists in Wuhan meddling in nature, concerns grew last night after it emerged that Democratic US President Joe Biden may have been one of the first human form test experiments to have escaped a similar high security biolab in Ukraine. ⁣ ⁣Through top-secret files recovered from a discarded bag in the Arizona desert (along with a random pile of Military election ballots for some reason), top brass whistleblowers have now let slip that boffins in the Ukraine were secretly working on a revolutionary experiment to inject an inert virus sample with human cognition cells, under code name:

“Project Boe Jiden.”

⁣ ⁣Unfortunately, the efforts kept failing due to the brain samples being sourced from University-educated Ivy League professors, and the project struggled to get off the ground once the virus kept lecturing itself on its “parasitic privilege” and promptly self-destructed. ⁣ ⁣That is until they stuck it with a dose of DNA from the real (and now executed) Joe Biden’s stray hairs recovered from a chair in a backroom of the gas company Burisma. ⁣

⁣CCTV reportedly shows the virus sample suddenly taking a humanoid structure and breaking out of the petri dish in the fully formed shape of a senile Septuagenarian, before feigning Alzheimic confusion and lulling scientists into a false sense of security to get them to open the door, where upon he proceeded to smash up the gaff and feast on lab workers’ pineal glands to gain temporary super-strength and hot tail it outta there.

The test tube monstrosity is now feared to be hiding in plain sight and pretending to be the President of the United States, and bizarrely the public seem to be totally fine with this geriatric prat falling up stairs and not being able to string a sentence together. ⁣

UPDATE: ⁣The CDC have now issued guidance that Boe Jiden is extremely dangerous and should not be confronted if encountered in the wild. Not even if he tries to sniff the hair of your seven-year-old daughter and warns you about the coming cataclysm known only as "TRUNALIMUNUMAPRZURE".

⁣ ⁣Congress awaits answers.