Hey friends,
I've read many posts here on this topic, so looking to this community for advice. I think many of our familial, friend, and romantic relationships are being tested currently, and I'm looking for help on how to navigate my own.
My girlfriend (who I've seen as a future wife) and I have been together a while and are generally on the same page with all this chaos, she is totally against what is going on. However, recently both our jobs became a bit stricter in regards to their vaccine protocol. She told me today if her work ends up mandating it she will cave and get it even though she doesn't want to. I've told her she has free choice and while I disagree I would never tell her she can't do it.
With that said, I see this as a pretty giant red flag for anyone carrying this mindset. Me personally, if I don't want something in my body it is not going in under any circumstances regardless of who's asking (family, employer, etc.). If someone is willing to cave to their employer with this kind of pressure, what else will they cave to in life? How many other external influences will dictate their decisions?
She's a great girl and I love her dearly, but this whole situation has me questioning and reevaluating everything, including those I'm considering spending my life with. As much as I "trust the plan", things may not get better anytime soon and I want people by my side with backbones of steel.
Any advice from the community on this? Anyone else going through something similar? Looking to keep this as an open discussion, all feedback is appreciated.
I agree this is a huge red flag, but these things rarely exist in a vacuum. I suggest you review your entire relationship with her to see if there are other things you dismissed or ignored as not being all that important, but which may actually also be red flags.
I speak from experience, as I had a number of signs I shouldn't marry my ex-husband, but I ignored them all, some because they seemed small, others because nobody's perfect and others because I was focused on the what I wanted to believe our relationship could be rather than what he showed me. It cost me 5 years of my life and I took a financial beating to regain my freedom.
Best wishes, whatever you decide to do.
That's true. Something this big didn't just come out of left field. There must be other little signs because this is indeed huge.
Thanks for sharing your story, I appreciate your honesty! What are your thoughts on other posters feedback that I should be honest and let her know that if she goes through with it I'll need to reevaluate our relationship? Should I even bring it to the point of ultimatums? I hate when they are used on me and I don't want to use them on someone else.
I'd do the review first, as if there are other issues that you can no longer ignore and that you feel are complete deal breakers, you might be having a different conversation than you currently envision.
If you want to have a conversation after the review in an effort to resolve issues, I'd make it about everything you've observed, not to pile on her, but to demonstrate it's not just the jab issue, it's a cumulation of things. She may be glad to know these things and want to reevaluate her perspectives, or she may just get mad. Either way, your picture of the situation would be more clear.
A positive thing I can say about your girlfriend is that she's been honest with you about her feelings, unlike another poster's fiancee who got the jab and told him after the fact. In that light, the two of you may be able to have an open and honest discussion.
As to your ultimatum concern, she hasn't gone through with it and you're already reevaluating your relationship. What does that tell you?
So we had a conversation. I want to be clear, this girl is one of the coolest ones I’ve met, extremely down to earth, and someone I could spend my life with.
With that said, she seems extremely unnerved by this entire situation and is genuinely scared. I can’t fault her for that, being faced with losing your job is a scary prospect. However, the principle here is that if you don’t want something, you don’t get it. No matter who is asking, coercing, or forcing. That is a belief I hold and want my partner to hold.
She thought I was being too harsh and said we’re supposed to support each other through anything. I think I unfortunately may have gotten the answer I was looking for.
This fucking sucks, for the record.
Thank you for letting me know the outcome, and congratulations to both of you for being able to have a conversation about a very difficult subject.
There are actually only two emotions: Love and fear. All the other emotional words we use are just variations on a theme. Rage, anxiety, anger, jealousy, hate, envy, etc., are all manifestations of fear. Joy, happy, bliss, compassion, harmony, contentment, passion (including for the things we thoroughly enjoy doing), etc., are all manifestations of love.
It is very difficult, if not impossible, for one who operates mostly from the love emotions and a positive outlook to engage in a close relationship with someone who operates from fear because fear causes one to make irrational choices, which become drama and conflict in the relationship. This is what you've just experienced.
She sounds like a wonderful girl in many ways. The love of my life is a wonderful man in many ways, but he operates from fear (a lot of emotional triggers) and I operate from love, and the incessant drama and conflict were an emotional roller coaster, which I cannot abide. Unfortunately, loving someone and being compatible do not necessarily go hand-in-hand.
I also think you have your answer and I congratulate you on knowing what's important to you and holding to that in spite of the current heartbreak because accommodating someone who can't be the kind of partner you want will only lead to more heartbreak in the long run.
You seem much more capable of trusting yourself and being true to yourself than I was in my mid-20s, and I admire you for that.
The part I'm worried about is the "she may just get mad" part. I feel sometimes these conversations just spiral into anger, which is maybe a red flag in itself?
That poster you referenced from the other day was my inspiration for this post, funny how many of us are going through it at the same time.
Anyone who prefers getting mad to having an honest discussion is demonstrating a red flag. I've known two people who were both very important to me (one a sister and the other is the love my life), and both of them would get mad when all I wanted to do was have an honest discussion to get things cleared up and for better understanding of one another. My observation of those situations was that they got mad because just in trying to discuss things with them I unwittingly said something that pushed one or more of their emotional triggers, and there's nothing I can do about their emotional triggers. Now neither of them is a part of my life because I can't have a happy life with them, but I can have a happy life without them.
The reason so many are going through the same thing right now is because of the level of pressure that's being applied to everyone, even the normies. Some people know how to defuse pressure and others only react to it with erratic or irrational behavior.