Well, disgust is certainly not the emotion you want to spend a lot of time with. Realize you are fraught by the conflict promoted by the enemy, and overcome it.

What is stopping you from exploring now? Today, you could go on a spiritual retreat to Sedona; scuba diving in the Caribbean; open a soup kitchen; start a club to learn the language of birds; or simply start meditating in the park. Also feel free to talk more to normies: many are aware they are only playing roles, and yearn for breakout like yourself, less normal than they appear. Sending prayers your way, for a warmer mindset.