Patriots bought the popcorn at the concession stand, and we're sharing it with Russia as we watch the movie. Getting thirsty (we like it extra Salty!), Russia slyly reaches into the pocket of her fur coat and pulls out a flask of vodka that she secretly snuck into the theater.

"this boring movie, try this, is from Ukraine", she says in a husky voice.

Tastes good, TBH.

France is behind us up in the balcony, annoyingly throwing popcorn trying to get our attention but we're pretty much ignoring 'em. Tweens will be tweens. Between? Hmm.

UK and Germany are in the row directly behind us, waiting their turn for a swig from the flask. Germany is relaxed as he usually is during these flicks, but the UK seems a little skittish and distracted. Not really sure what's wrong with her, but she'll sort it out.

The USA and her twin sister AMERICA are on the front row, and they're on a double-date with a couple of real creepy older men. We're not positive who these guys are but we have a good idea. They're old, rich, and vile. Are they pedophiles? Sugar daddies? The old guys seem extremely irritated that the SHOW ISN'T OVER YET. Regardless, the sisters should KNOW BETTER by now! One of the sisters is obviously uncomfortable. She'll 'wake up' to her situation soon enough, if she hasn't already. The other sister... Who knows.

Canada is sitting behind the double-daters, but they're NOT being polite. They brought their own air-poppers and are making their own popcorn and all kinds of noise! When the management tries telling them it's against the rules, they tell management to get fucked. Then they call all their friends and have them bring more air poppers. They're totally blocking the aisles and making trouble, and management is angry. But damn if their popcorn doesn't smell AMAZING. We gotta get some of that!

Korea is over on the corner-seats with Japan and India, just trying to watch the show from a weird angle. Japan is drinking 'diet'-coke (which they don't realize is terribly punny). They're all wearing 3D glasses - they paid extra for 3D - but haven't realized the showing is in 5D, and free of charge!

Meanwhile, China strolls in and plops down in the middle of the theater with a shitload of candy and begins passing it out for free. We don't want it though, because we know they'll want a favor in return. China missed a good portion of the movie, and they claim they were sick in the bathroom - but we're positive we saw them in the projector room starting the movie, and they seem fine and healthy. Weird, eh?

Israel is puking into his/her/xirs popcorn container - but still watching the show. They keep looking over their shoulder nervously, abs sweating profusely. Hmm, wonder what they are worried about...?

North Korea isn't here. They stayed home to watch their Red Dwarf collection on VHS, drink grape shasta and avoid the sick people. Maybe they're the smart ones?

What a great movie!