I am in shock and have been crying a lot. All I know is she was not vaccinated, did have some medical issues, was sick for a week, and went to the emergency room. They said she had healthy vitals (she did have co-morbidities and was older). Very shortly thereafter they said she took a turn for the worse and put her in ICU. She died early this morning.
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I am sorry for your loss.
As you noted, her husband is overwhelmed with grief.
My experience was I received many demands for 'things'.....and no offers for help, other than 'we'll be there next week to 'help' you remove her things'.
Should the same happen in the case of your sister, I doubt her husband will tolerate many demands now or in the future. Pay for a memorial mass. Send a card that doesn't involve a demand for something. I'd say 'help pay a bill'....maybe open a 529 plan for the child's education, although you've said the children are 'adults'. Wait year, then ask. If you helped, odds are that'll be noticed. If you didn't help and have nothing but demands, odds are that'll be noticed also.