I am in shock and have been crying a lot. All I know is she was not vaccinated, did have some medical issues, was sick for a week, and went to the emergency room. They said she had healthy vitals (she did have co-morbidities and was older). Very shortly thereafter they said she took a turn for the worse and put her in ICU. She died early this morning.
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My experience was I received many demands for 'things'.....and no offers for help, other than 'we'll be there next week to 'help' you remove her things'.
Should the same happen in the case of OP's sister, I doubt her husband will tolerate many demands now or in the future.
Pay for a memorial mass. Send a card that doesn't involve a demand for something. I'd say 'help pay a bill'....maybe open a 529 plan for the child's education, although OP said the children are 'adults'. Wait year, then ask. If OP helped, odds are that'll be noticed. If OP didn't help and had nothing but demands, odds are that'll be noticed also.
Sorry for your loss. Unfortunately our worst enemies sometimes are our closest family members. I’m sorry they weren’t more helpful during your time of grief.