This ties right in to awakening and realizing that the “women’s liberation” movement in more recent times has merely been a psyop, meant to separate children from their mothers’ influence and presence. Women from the Boomer generation right on down to Gen Z have been told since childhood “get your education, start a career, get married, be a mother. You can do it all and have it all.”
I am the 30-something grown child of a Boomer woman with said education and busy career, and no, you cannot fucking do it all and have it all. My entire life has been impacted by that lie, and the resulting necessity for two incomes to even think of staying above water.
As a result of never seeing my mother for entire days sometimes during my childhood and teen years (not her fault at all, life is expensive and she & my dad did what they had to do for us kids), I have rebelled SO hard against that notion—and caught an incredible amount of flack for it from FAMILY of all people.
I had the grades, the test scores, the accolades and awards, athletic prowess, EVERYTHING…and then as I grew older and went off to college, I inexplicably fell apart academically. I had no drive. I didn’t care. I flailed about from major to major, considering the military even. It took many years to realize just how profoundly I had been affected by my mother’s absence, and that excelling in college and having a career meant my own future kids would suffer that same fate.
I have never been unloved, neglected, hungry, or abused. Other than missing my mom all the time, I had a magically fun and safe childhood, running wild with cousins and friends before technology chained us to couches and beds.
I am living proof of just how important having mom (or dad!) around all the time is. I’ve been impacted for a lifetime by my childhood, even though it was filled with love and all my needs & wants met. And I have chosen to sacrifice the big house, fancy cars, and constant vacations so many of my peers strive for to simply BE THERE for the little one growing inside of me. Thankfully my husband is fully on board, and makes plenty to offset my smaller secondary income.
Whether they’re working from home or staying home, one parent should be with the kids and available to them at all times. Because I am not bringing life into this world just to hand him or her to strangers so I can “have it all”. That lie has pulled mothers away from their children for three generations now, and it ends HERE.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Women used to be fired when they got pregnant, openly paid less than men for the same job, sexually harassed and insulted in the workplace without consequences, and not even considered for jobs they were capable of doing. We've gone too far in the opposite direction now, but I have heard a number of horror stories (some told to me by men) about the way women were treated at work in the 1950s-70s.
I agree that ideally, women should not have to work full-time outside the home when their children are young. But without those who fought for women to have the right to work, to be allowed access to higher education, to be considered for traditionally male jobs if they could do them, and to be treated decently in the workplace, it wouldn't even be an option. While couples should work out whatever financial arrangement best suits their family, women shouldn't automatically be at the financial mercy of their husbands, especially when their husbands are abusive. And men shouldn't have to bear the sole responsibility for their family's finances, especially when there are circumstances, such as illness, that leave them unable to do so.
I am a Boomer. After being home with us six kids, my mom decided to go to work when she was in her 40's. Initially, she started working as a waitress in a local restaurant. I was the fourth of six kids. She got me in under the wire (I was only 12 and was underage) to work in the kitchen as a salad girl. I was paid through her salary. It wasn't my first job, though, since I used to babysit in the neighborhood but only during the day.
I know my mom wanted to prove she could take care of us if something happened to my dad. She had to help take care of her own mom (who had no other skills but raising kids and cooking) and her siblings after her own dad died at the age 42. The year before social security was implemented. So the family had NO money coming in at all. She was the oldest of 5 and ended up working as a secretary to help the family out.
Mom left the restaurant after about a year and started to work as a temporary secretary. She could type and she knew shorthand, too. Her skills before married and she continued to work after she married while my dad was fighting in WWII.
Needless to say she walked into an office (in the early to mid 1960's) where she was going to be a secretary and a man in the office turned around and said "Here comes Grandma".
She had to put up with a lot of sexual innuendos and comments while there. I never knew until I was an adult how they treated her. And it was not very nice.