Thank you for the kind words, my friend. I appreciate it.
I've been really educating myself on the CTE since we were in Calgary - I started seeing some stuff back then. It's a very sad outcome, really. It's progressive, can't be stopped / quelled and ends up with basically developing dementia.
You are right, the help she needs in the end, won't help her. It's sad and scary watching someone you love deteriorate right in front of you, all the while, somehow completely blind to what's happening right in front of them. I do know that in the end.... she most likely will end up in a care facility.
I'm too good of a person. I can't just do nothing. I can't just "ok, fuck you, I don't care" after 26 years. It's been me and her against the world this whole time... now I'm part of that world she's fighting against.
I see someone soak themselves in gasoline and reach for the matches... I can't just stand there. When the person though has zero sense of self accountability or responsibility, you unfortunately have to watch them burn.
Her mom said something to me that gave me a lot of closure and sense of acceptance. When she mentioned the 'closing the door', it confirmed what I've been seeing for years. It confirmed for me, this isn't my fault, I've done everything I can do, as her mom as over the years. I have to let go of what I THOUGHT she was, and finally accept what I've known all along.
Thank you. My pups are my strength and my focus. I've got a house with lots of projects and a nice yard to work on for focusing as well ; keeping me on the path.
I can't turn off my care. She makes decent money ( brings home avg. $4500/ month ). The lowest rents around here for non bachelor / one room shared is over $1000 / month - no utilities. Her truck payment is $400 / month. Gas, food, utilities, phone bill, alimony to me. I told her I'd be nice and only ask for $500/ month because she's going to need money to survive. If we go legal separation route, she'll EASILY have to pay me $800-$1000 / month.
I am sub contractor / self employed and my income is not secured. Straight up Canadian law says the one who makes more money has to pay the other a very large portion of the difference in salaries per year.
How much does she have left then? Not including student loans she has + a $10,000 bankruptcy loan + a mastercard with over $10,000 with the interest.
I think anyone in my situation would care, I don't know how not to. I know exactly how this is going to play out for her.... and I just have to sit back and watch it happen.
She thinks she's taking the cockatoo with her. Now, Idk what you know about parrots but cockatoos are not solo birds, they are 100000% social and NEED social interaction / attention / out of cage. They are not cage birds if you're home. The have 2 calls though ; a whistle and a scream. These are mate calls, and it starts the second you leave sight. Average decibel is 130-140 for these calls. You absolutely can not have this type of bird in any type of shared living / apartment / basement unit because you'll either be told you or the bird in the first 2 weeks. Happens ALL the time.
Also... very important. For her to make that money, she has to work around 14hrs a day. Where is the time for Salty? She's been doing this for 3 years now ( this job ) and he gets MAYBE a hour or two with her per day now. Sure, she leaves between 2 and 3 am, but still doesn't get home until 5-6pm most nights.
What happens if she has a breakdown and doesn't even get back to town until 8 PM? It's happened. She still has to drop the truck and drive home. No matter where she goes she will not be able to park her work truck where she lives and go right to work like she does now. That means up earlier, and home later.
There's no full houses to rent here ; all either upstairs or down , lowest I've seen for upstairs, 2 bedrooms is $1300 + family downstairs / shared laundry. I don't know where she thinks she's taking Salty with her.
If we legally separate, the gov't and her creditors will immediately come after her. She actually believes your debts just disappear after 7 years if you don't pay them.
Sorry for the novels..... Again... looks like this is my only source of release. I truly thank you folks for allowing me to get this out. We're not telling anybody anything until she actually moves out, it's nobody's business so.... This is all I have, thank you all, immensely.
Whew! That's a lot of spinning plates! Amazing that she can hold a job, but thank goodness it's not costing you!
Might be worth looking into long term care insurance; unless care homes are free up there? Here in the US, her future would be very bleak without a lot of money stockpiled.
Hopefully, you can squirrel away for when you'll be on your own.
For me... money isn't going to be an issue. I do pretty good, it's just not secured. I can also do in one week what she does in a month. Being a guy that's ok doing small jobs, a fair amount are under between $500-1000 take home ( after taxes and materials ) and might have to put 20 hours tops into a $1000 take home job.
And it's the way things go. You DO have some low periods. And you have times like this : over the next 5 weeks, I'm going to take home just over 11 grand. On the days I'll be coating with the mud, it'll only be a few hours each day.
I've got the contract for a realtor I've done some personal work for. He's getting into building / selling on the side. I'll be doing everything from drywall to finish painting this one. My take home will over 24 thousand. Be starting the drywall for that one around mid May. I could work this year until that place is done, and will have made a little less than I did all last year. It goes the way it goes sometimes.
Being a drywaller / taper, I'm kinda worth my weight in gold. There's a whole lot of smaller jobs most guys won't take. it all adds up.
Another big problem she has is money itself. She just buys shit because she can. What's the word ; frivolous? She thinks because she has money, she has to spend it. Now, i smoke and smoke weed. My smoke bill is $70 a week, my weed is I get a QP for $350 and it lasts me two months. Someone bought a $300 boot and hat warmer in November that's still in the box in the front closet.
I spend money on my smokes stuff. Gas, materials for jobs, maintenance to my vehicle, my mortgage + property tax, ANYTHING I buy for MY house for improvements, my power bill, my licence and registration fee for the vehicle... all these are things I get a tax write off on. Materials I get % back plus all the taxes ; same with gas. Plus, I get % of my total tools and vehicle worth back. I also get % back of my vehicle payments, interest I pay on that, AND my insurance.
All my business fees ( to city + province ), business insurance and what I pay my accountant to do my taxes, all are 100% write off.
You've seen what I stated about current rent / housing around here... I'm beyond worried for her but...
Thank you for the kind words, my friend. I appreciate it.
I've been really educating myself on the CTE since we were in Calgary - I started seeing some stuff back then. It's a very sad outcome, really. It's progressive, can't be stopped / quelled and ends up with basically developing dementia.
You are right, the help she needs in the end, won't help her. It's sad and scary watching someone you love deteriorate right in front of you, all the while, somehow completely blind to what's happening right in front of them. I do know that in the end.... she most likely will end up in a care facility.
I'm too good of a person. I can't just do nothing. I can't just "ok, fuck you, I don't care" after 26 years. It's been me and her against the world this whole time... now I'm part of that world she's fighting against.
I see someone soak themselves in gasoline and reach for the matches... I can't just stand there. When the person though has zero sense of self accountability or responsibility, you unfortunately have to watch them burn.
Her mom said something to me that gave me a lot of closure and sense of acceptance. When she mentioned the 'closing the door', it confirmed what I've been seeing for years. It confirmed for me, this isn't my fault, I've done everything I can do, as her mom as over the years. I have to let go of what I THOUGHT she was, and finally accept what I've known all along.
My heart goes out to you. It's clear that you've found strength through this; and my prayers are for you to experience healing and a bright new start.
Thank you. My pups are my strength and my focus. I've got a house with lots of projects and a nice yard to work on for focusing as well ; keeping me on the path.
I can't turn off my care. She makes decent money ( brings home avg. $4500/ month ). The lowest rents around here for non bachelor / one room shared is over $1000 / month - no utilities. Her truck payment is $400 / month. Gas, food, utilities, phone bill, alimony to me. I told her I'd be nice and only ask for $500/ month because she's going to need money to survive. If we go legal separation route, she'll EASILY have to pay me $800-$1000 / month.
I am sub contractor / self employed and my income is not secured. Straight up Canadian law says the one who makes more money has to pay the other a very large portion of the difference in salaries per year.
How much does she have left then? Not including student loans she has + a $10,000 bankruptcy loan + a mastercard with over $10,000 with the interest.
I think anyone in my situation would care, I don't know how not to. I know exactly how this is going to play out for her.... and I just have to sit back and watch it happen.
She thinks she's taking the cockatoo with her. Now, Idk what you know about parrots but cockatoos are not solo birds, they are 100000% social and NEED social interaction / attention / out of cage. They are not cage birds if you're home. The have 2 calls though ; a whistle and a scream. These are mate calls, and it starts the second you leave sight. Average decibel is 130-140 for these calls. You absolutely can not have this type of bird in any type of shared living / apartment / basement unit because you'll either be told you or the bird in the first 2 weeks. Happens ALL the time.
Also... very important. For her to make that money, she has to work around 14hrs a day. Where is the time for Salty? She's been doing this for 3 years now ( this job ) and he gets MAYBE a hour or two with her per day now. Sure, she leaves between 2 and 3 am, but still doesn't get home until 5-6pm most nights.
What happens if she has a breakdown and doesn't even get back to town until 8 PM? It's happened. She still has to drop the truck and drive home. No matter where she goes she will not be able to park her work truck where she lives and go right to work like she does now. That means up earlier, and home later.
There's no full houses to rent here ; all either upstairs or down , lowest I've seen for upstairs, 2 bedrooms is $1300 + family downstairs / shared laundry. I don't know where she thinks she's taking Salty with her.
If we legally separate, the gov't and her creditors will immediately come after her. She actually believes your debts just disappear after 7 years if you don't pay them.
Sorry for the novels..... Again... looks like this is my only source of release. I truly thank you folks for allowing me to get this out. We're not telling anybody anything until she actually moves out, it's nobody's business so.... This is all I have, thank you all, immensely.
Whew! That's a lot of spinning plates! Amazing that she can hold a job, but thank goodness it's not costing you!
Might be worth looking into long term care insurance; unless care homes are free up there? Here in the US, her future would be very bleak without a lot of money stockpiled.
Hopefully, you can squirrel away for when you'll be on your own.
For me... money isn't going to be an issue. I do pretty good, it's just not secured. I can also do in one week what she does in a month. Being a guy that's ok doing small jobs, a fair amount are under between $500-1000 take home ( after taxes and materials ) and might have to put 20 hours tops into a $1000 take home job.
And it's the way things go. You DO have some low periods. And you have times like this : over the next 5 weeks, I'm going to take home just over 11 grand. On the days I'll be coating with the mud, it'll only be a few hours each day.
I've got the contract for a realtor I've done some personal work for. He's getting into building / selling on the side. I'll be doing everything from drywall to finish painting this one. My take home will over 24 thousand. Be starting the drywall for that one around mid May. I could work this year until that place is done, and will have made a little less than I did all last year. It goes the way it goes sometimes.
Being a drywaller / taper, I'm kinda worth my weight in gold. There's a whole lot of smaller jobs most guys won't take. it all adds up.
Another big problem she has is money itself. She just buys shit because she can. What's the word ; frivolous? She thinks because she has money, she has to spend it. Now, i smoke and smoke weed. My smoke bill is $70 a week, my weed is I get a QP for $350 and it lasts me two months. Someone bought a $300 boot and hat warmer in November that's still in the box in the front closet.
I spend money on my smokes stuff. Gas, materials for jobs, maintenance to my vehicle, my mortgage + property tax, ANYTHING I buy for MY house for improvements, my power bill, my licence and registration fee for the vehicle... all these are things I get a tax write off on. Materials I get % back plus all the taxes ; same with gas. Plus, I get % of my total tools and vehicle worth back. I also get % back of my vehicle payments, interest I pay on that, AND my insurance.
All my business fees ( to city + province ), business insurance and what I pay my accountant to do my taxes, all are 100% write off.
You've seen what I stated about current rent / housing around here... I'm beyond worried for her but...