turgid adjective

1. swollen and distended or congested Example: "a turgid and fast-moving river" swollen congested
2. (of language or style) tediously pompous or bombastic Example: "some turgid verses on the death of Prince Albert" bombastic pompous overblown overripe inflated high-flown affected pretentious grandiose florid flowery ornate magniloquent grandiloquent rhetorical oratorical orotund

My buddy used to joke he was a porn star and talk about his turgid ______.