Looks like you just laid out the results of epidemic. It's like a snake that eats its own tail. It's hard to be or raise a man if you didn't have one. I know this from experience. But it's doable.

I think the root issue psychologically is that these are boys who never learned how to be men, although they do want to be. But they do not understand what it entails. Then a woman comes along who's instinct is to care for loved ones, and the male sees that she wants to take care of him. So he lets her.

Mm, I think you're stretching it a little bit. Yes, a woman's nature is to care for others, but that doesn't mean women want to take care of their partner as heavily as most women end up doing. For decades now, women have been complaining about having to mother their husbands. No one wants that.

But men end up getting mothered by proxy because women are essentially forced to if they want anything to get done.

And he says 'hey wait that wasn't our deal. you can't change the deal' A mature, adult male should understand that when children enter the picture, they become the priority of both parents. What you're describing is immaturity, not women reneging on a deal.

inwardly, the male is terrified because he doesn't really know what being a man is supposed to be, as he had no or bad role model. And that fear, combined with laziness, selfishness and deep depression/anxiety, causes him to choose to give up.

Sure, I agree with this, but I don't think you're laying enough blame at the hands of laziness and selfishness. I've seen plenty of young men raised by loving, attentive fathers turn out to be nothing but lazy and selfish and immature. My own father was super lazy while my Mom was pregnant with me, but once he grew up a little more, he refused to let my Mom shoulder all of the grunt work like she did while pregnant with me.

It's like something in him clicked, and a lot of younger men aren't having that 'click' occur for them.

Also, your argument kind of implies that women have all the knowledge required to become an adult innately, and that's not true. They end up just as lost and confused, but they still get pregnant and figure out how to raise children the best they can. They don't allow that fear, laziness, and selfishness to freeze them into laying all of the work at their husband's feet.

I'm often buddies with the male of this scenario...

That's actually fascinating, thank you for sharing it.