I just had a real rough week or so...long story id rather not get into but was in jail from july 5th until i got bonded out today... the first few days was agonizing.
But, then i decided to ask for a bible. Im about 500 pages in, with a promise to him that im going to finish it. Found many parts that told me what I needed to hear already, and ive made some vows to God that I fully intend to keep. Among them being I am going to get baptized and find a church family.
I was already ready to welcome God into my life, but wasnt fully committed. I am now. But, coming here every day and seeing all the love for him was a huge impact on me already starting to come to that decision before the events that happened led me to where I am now.
At first I was praying to him to let me out like the first night I was in, but as it turned out his plan of staying there longer benefited me more than an instant release could have ever came close to. Gave me more time to think and come to certain conclusions that will serve to aid me in future battles
If I may, some things my husband shared along his journey: 1.) don't expect perfection of yourself, but when you fall down get back on track quickly by going through the steps you outlined should such a slip-up occur beforehand. 2.) Rely on grace, not "whiteknuckling." Hence a study of what relying on grace is is extremely helpful. 3.) Understand that all addictions mean that your brain is chemically hijacked. There are chemical cycles that start with triggers and produce cravings, etc. Figuring this out, knowing when you are sped up and in one of the HALTS conditions (hungry, angry, lonely, tired, stressed) and what to do to get yourself out before you act out makes you start to figure out the hijacking and stop it. 4.) Recognize the powerful bondage of shame, and do not allow the enemy to use it over you, but instead know how to come to Christ for grace and new mercies......... and always, always remember... in Christ we are new creatures, therefore there is no condemnation for us who are in Him.. Christ paid to take our shame off of us. He replaced it by clothing us in a white robe of His righteousness and calling us His- redeemed. My husband did a lot of studying on shame. He also had a pastor who helped him with a deliverance session to cast out demonic attachments he had. Christians cannot be possessed, but we can have little nasty attachments if we open up doorways to let them in. Don Dickerman has a good book on this called Keep the Pigs Out. Enough rambling- God bless.
Thank you for taking the time to share this with me ❤