In light of the dear resident's sweeping student debt cancellation announcement, I'm going to go one better.
I'M going to cancel all YOUR debt. Whether it be student debt (why stop there?) or credit, or car or home, or mob, loan shark, what-have-you. It's canceled. You now owe none of that to any of those people or organizations. Ta da!
Don't it feel good?
Financial, spiritual, you name it. Got a bad knee? I can fix it. Need a little help in the romance department? I'm your luv docta. Want to lose a few pounds? I'll wrap you in saran wrap and shove you in the sauna. Whatever your problem, I'm the cure. Just text me at 1-800-Not-a-Fraud. I'll hook you up.
SNAKE OIL!
HE'S SELLING SNAKE OIL, I TELL YOU!