I've been trying to distance myself a bit from the site, as I tend to get this way, a bit doomy, after spending too much time on here. Maybe it's the change in weather too- cloudy and wet.
I guess we all need breaks at times. If I didn't have God, I'd be totally lost.
I don't mean to pry or to preach (at all), but can I ask a few questions?
In what sense do you conceive/think about/feel that you have God?
Is God someone you turn to primarily when things are too difficult, or painful?
Do you feel like God is the person/place you can go to when you need that injection of hope/relief/etc?
I guess I ask this because your turn of phrase got me wondering. For some folks, God is the one they go to when they need it (and sure, God offers that to us), but I question with such folks who's really coming first? Me, or God? Because I think the correct way of things is that God should come first. We receive comfort, aid, support from God, but what do we give?
Is God the reason you do the things you do? (The rhetorical you, not you, LB.) Are you motivated to come to GAW because you think its what God wants you to do, or is it that you like and enjoy the pull of GAW, and so, are moved by that, except when it becomes too difficult?
People often ask "do you believe in God?" but I like the question "Does God believe in you?" You can always rely on God, but can God rely on you?
Do you turn to God when things are tough, or are you always thinking, what does God want me to do? What will make God happy? How can I honor, inspire and uplift God?
Do you have God? Or does God have you? If God has you, how MUCH does God have you? (How much does God come first in your mind and your heart?)
Anyway, a few random thoughts, granted, unrelated to your main premise. Either way, sounds like you're simply hitting some doldrums. Happens to the best of us. Be well.
wwg1wga