Katie Porter, spouse abuser.
(www.thegatewaypundit.com)
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I fought for mine, and pretty much won ... but it's a very hard battle, and the odds are stacked against you. I agree that he should've, but very few men realize what they're up against when it starts and are blindsided without knowing the consequences. It's hard to blame someone just for being naive.
Prayers for him, and all the kids, in his renewed and refocused efforts.
He has never been late with child support. He has managed to pay his child support while fighting in court. I thank you for your prayers. I think if he had not been abused in his marriage he would have done better. I thought he must suffer from PTSD which made it difficult to stand up to his ex. He did get a lucky break. The judge appointed guardian ad litem. The judge just last week said if his ex interferes in visitation one more time he will press contempt of court charges. The guardian ad litem has also made sure that the visitations are taking place. I have a hard time understanding why his ex didn't care if the kids were in school. Both my brother and his ex are teachers. But when my brother initially going to court he found out the 16 year old had missed almost a full year of school. Once his ex was back in court she made sure the kid was back in school. I guess his ex does not care that if she raises these boys to not make it in school or be able to support themselves. She maybe dooming them to an unhappy life. My brother had a great visit this last weekend. He was so excited that he had a great visit with the boys. He emphasized to them how precious the time they spend together is. The kids need to feel loved and valued. I am glad you won your fight. Your children will know that you loved them enough to fight for them. That is important!
There is a wonderful book called "Divorce Poison" by Richard Warshak. It is about combatting the parental alienation and how to overcoming it in a healthy and nurturing way, with love. I recommend it wholeheartedly, and am certain it will help your brother to heal and improve the relationship with his children.
Whether they follow through or not, women are coached by lawyers and social workers (in my case the training was mandated by the court like traffic school) to use their children as monetary pawns --- most states follow the federal guidelines that link payments ("child support") to custodial time. And the worse the story, the more modifications to the formula, i.e. money, they get. Some women follow through very cynically, and it sounds like she has capitalized on this system. It seems like the judge is on to it, but judges are extremely slow to render justice.
My children know almost nothing about the fight. But among divorced fathers, I am truly blessed to have had time with my children, that they know who I am (instead of the false picture my ex tried tirelessly to paint), that they know I love them, which naturally leads to their loving me, too. They are all adults now, although the youngest is autistic and is still far from independent.
I've met plenty of fathers who were turned into wage slaves and became totally alienated and foreign to their children. Some never came back. The laws are a disgrace to justice, but prayers, time and love all help. It's never too late, and I'm glad he's renewing the fight. God will help him and help the boys, but it's good for your brother to ask for His help, too. I became closer to God during my own custody fight. Buy the book, too: it will help.
Thank you. I just ordered it for him off of Amazon. I see that this author did an updated version so I picked that one. The family line on the male side all that is left is my brother and his son's. I promised our dad I would watch out for my brother. I have helped him emotionally supporting and some money. Not enough to really pay the lawyers fees but at least be able to spend money on the boys. I told my brother he will never regret fighting for them. Because no matter what they will know that he fought to see them and that their mother tried to prevent them from seeing their dad. I have seen men including my brother who paid their child support then try to exercise their visitation be turned away when going to pick up their kids. They try to go the police to enforce their custody agreements. The police tell them to go back to court that they cannot help them it is a civil matter. So they are paying child support already and can hardly afford to get a lawyer to go back to court. My brother is not a unique case. I talked to him tonight he was telling me his ex got child support reinstated for his 19 year old son. His ex had tried before to get child support for the 19 year old that didn't finish school. But the state told her no as per the divorce agreement. She wanted the child support so bad she sent the kid back to repeat his senior year. It looks like he is going to graduate this spring. My brother said he would gladly pay child support for his son to finish high school. He is much more graceful when handling all this. I don't think I would have handled it as well. Thank you for letting me vent.
Stay strong. You're doing an angel's work, helping him.