Frens,

Something occurred to me this past weekend: I have been existing, and not living. I wanted to share this with you because perhaps many of you are feeling the same way. For me, I am able to problem solve and move forward when I identify the source of the problem, articulate it, and then address it, so maybe this will be useful for you to know that you’re not alone.

So first, here’s an explanation of the problem I pinpointed for myself over the weekend.

Timing is at the root of all of what I am explaining. It’s like watching a bag of ice that you buy from the store slowly melt outside. Let’s say there’s a small hole in the bottom of the bag. At first there is no dripping, but the ice is melting. Then the first drip falls from the hole. That single drip represents the collective melting of every ice cube in the bag, so it’s really not much of a change for any one cube. Thus, the cubes don’t know they’re melting. They’re like frogs slowly boiling in water (I know, what an odd metaphor to mix with the current one!) And then another drip falls. Slowly the dripping accelerates as the day gets hotter. But still the ice cubes don’t really recognize that they are melting because they’re all melting the same way.

Even though we are one of the cubes, we also have the perspective of being outside the melting bag of ice. We saw it before the first drip. We knew the bag would melt. We have had the blessing of foresight (perhaps because of how you’re wired, or maybe directly because of Q, or both) and although it is a blessing, it’s also a hardship. We have to endure the dripping at such a slow pace… until there is a flood and the people (the cubes) start waking up. When you know the end, but you have to wait for the overwhelming majority of others to get there… wow… that’s quite a test of faith, commitment, endurance, etc. (And there are Anons who were Anons before there were Anons!! Those who were awake for decades before Q hit the Board—imagine their journey!!!)

We have faith in God and we trust the Plan, and we have a sense of the necessary trajectory and the joy that is on the other side of the storm we are in. Yet, getting there is a slow process. We are told to grab some popcorn and watch the movie—but for many of us, the reality of this trajectory towards a precipice is that there is real hardship and suffering. Yet we embrace that because we know it had to be this way. The thing is, on this trajectory towards the precipice we have to be constantly aware and prepared, as well as remain in red-pilling mode when we can. That takes a lot of energy and investment of time. This is a one-two punch that often leaves no room for other types of thoughts or activities… you know, like the thing you’d plan and do before you were awake and that are still good things to do with your life. Being out of balance like this is the result of the problem, which is exactly this:

…Losing a sense of perspective and falling into the trap of waiting for the precipice.

But how did I lose my perspective? How did I forget to live while at the same time being the vigilant patriot I’m supposed to be? Easy… it just happened, because I’m human. And the result is that I have felt immobilized. In other words, I have been so invested in being watchful and trying to red-pill others that I have become a different person—too cautious, always planning for the worst, etc. “Normal” life seems not to exist, or at best it enters my consciousness and I think “Why bother? We aren’t at the precipice, yet, so it would be a waste of time or investment to do this or that.”

And THAT is dangerous thinking. My healthy Self knows that I am out of balance… and the result is a low-grade depression. Stepping away and taking a break from it all is NOT the answer… that’s just a temporary fix. And leaving this altogether behind is not an option, either. So, somewhere between lies the answer.

What I realized this past weekend is that I have been stuck in a mode where I feel like I am watching the slow motion train wreck (yes, switched metaphors again) to bring us to the precipice, and despite knowing the end, I still feel a natural reaction to the negative trajectory… in other words, as I mentioned above I have a low-grade depression rooted in the thought of “Why bother?” about anything and everything. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming and I think things like, Why bother mowing the lawn, or washing the car, or starting a new service offering for my business, or planning an adventure, etc.?

And yet sometimes I fight back… I think, this does not define me! Something is not right, and I can fix my attitude. I attempt various things. I take a break. But that never lasts long… because I had not yet pinpointed the conflict in my being: The opposing sides of watching a train wreck in slow motion and thus being in a constant state of watchfulness and risk mitigation, and living my life as if I am unaware of the train wreck and thus free to rise to my God-given potential. These opposing forces were paralyzing. So, having pinpointed this conflict over weekend, I can do something about it, and sustain my efforts.

So, I thought I would explain this because maybe it might assist some Frens who have been struggling with the same type of mental, emotional, physical and spiritual challenge. Yes, I have strong faith. Yes, I know God wins. Yes, I know we are winning and that the Plan is proceeding. But… I am not the type to just grab popcorn, so to speak, and hang out. And I have to be more than just a vigilant red-pilling patriot. So, my new mantra is: “Discern the Balance, and Be.” Be what? Be the best I can be on both sides of the equation, both sides that need to be balanced. I must consciously choose to give time to both—and have something on my calendar every Friday, or perhaps more often, that simply says, “Discern the Balance, and Be” as a reminder to do that.

I can already feel the mental confines lifting. I can already feel the hope and excitement about everyday living flood back into me. I wasn’t totally dead to the world… but I was different, but now I am going back to the person I was before I had lost my sense of balance. I hope you can give this some thought and prayer, and find your balance, too, if you’ve been experiencing listlessness, or depression, or purposelessness, or all of these.

Good luck. Have faith. And if it helps, write a comment about your journey because doing so helps you process, and helps others process, too.