Are you, and most of all, your spouse, happily married?
I see allot of the "I" message in your post.
I was married 20yrs and my husband was Clinically diagnosed having Aspergers with OCD.
We went to 5 marriage counselors ( he didn't like what they were saying so we kept going to a different one) and refused to take any meds for it because he didn't like the way he felt and not to mention alcohol played into the problem.
Don't get me wrong, I have my issues but the bottom line is lack of empathy.
His lack of empathy, patience or desire to understand was why the marriage is not working. It was all my fault.
Brilliant man, high IQ (160) with NASA but dumb in the common sense area.
So the problem with this disorder is, ego. His ego would not " lower" himself to " my insignificant level".
So I wished him well on his high horse and left.
Years later I ran into him and he
Immediately hugged me and apologize for his behavior and said he quit drinking, well good for him for waking up.
my partner and I have been together 10 years, we can't afford to get married. I'd say we have a great relationship, for the most part. I can be very selfish but she is very understanding and we raise each other up in ways we couldn't do alone. We've had no major issues that I can think of in terms of happiness in the relationship. I wish she would look after her health better, but she's never made one demand of me to do much of anything differently. Sometimes I wish she would in order to motivate me, but it is what it is, since you asked...
So the problem with this disorder is, ego. His ego would not " lower" himself to " my insignificant level"
I actually agree, at least I understand the point you are making, and I'm sorry you had that experience. I would like to assume that is not my partners experience nor everyone's experience. I do feel superior at times and it is a problem, but I also have the ability to self reflect, apologise and modify my actions. I can be very humble. It's never been a problem for us, as far as I can tell.
I see allot of the "I" message in your post.
I'm sorry, but I don't know how else I'm supposed to communicate really, I'm giving my personal experience and opinion only, so yes its a lot about "me' and 'I'.
I'm a bit hurt, actually come to think of it, in the way you have addressed me. I don't know your situation or how bad things might have been or what eventually caused you to separate. I'm not going to ask and It's not my business, frankly. neither was it yours to enquire about my spouse. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. Since we're sticking noses in each others business, might I suggest it may also have been a 'you' problem.
I mean what are you really suggesting? That my partner deserves better than what I can give her? That I don't deserve love or can't be in a mutually committed relationship because of my 'ego disorder'? How do you think that makes a person feel? Don't you think I have thoughts like this all the time and feel like an unworthy piece of garbage? She always reassures me that everything is fine and it's not like that at all. Maybe she's not as high maintenance as you were, maybe her needs are less? Does that make her less than you? Maybe it's just a miracle and we love each other somehow? Maybe I'm not actually a monster? You assumed so much about someone else's relationship based on your own personal experience, likely without considering any of these possibilities. Who has the lack of empathy again?
Are you, and most of all, your spouse, happily married? I see allot of the "I" message in your post.
I was married 20yrs and my husband was Clinically diagnosed having Aspergers with OCD. We went to 5 marriage counselors ( he didn't like what they were saying so we kept going to a different one) and refused to take any meds for it because he didn't like the way he felt and not to mention alcohol played into the problem.
Don't get me wrong, I have my issues but the bottom line is lack of empathy.
His lack of empathy, patience or desire to understand was why the marriage is not working. It was all my fault.
Brilliant man, high IQ (160) with NASA but dumb in the common sense area. So the problem with this disorder is, ego. His ego would not " lower" himself to " my insignificant level". So I wished him well on his high horse and left. Years later I ran into him and he Immediately hugged me and apologize for his behavior and said he quit drinking, well good for him for waking up.
my partner and I have been together 10 years, we can't afford to get married. I'd say we have a great relationship, for the most part. I can be very selfish but she is very understanding and we raise each other up in ways we couldn't do alone. We've had no major issues that I can think of in terms of happiness in the relationship. I wish she would look after her health better, but she's never made one demand of me to do much of anything differently. Sometimes I wish she would in order to motivate me, but it is what it is, since you asked...
I actually agree, at least I understand the point you are making, and I'm sorry you had that experience. I would like to assume that is not my partners experience nor everyone's experience. I do feel superior at times and it is a problem, but I also have the ability to self reflect, apologise and modify my actions. I can be very humble. It's never been a problem for us, as far as I can tell.
I'm sorry, but I don't know how else I'm supposed to communicate really, I'm giving my personal experience and opinion only, so yes its a lot about "me' and 'I'.
I'm a bit hurt, actually come to think of it, in the way you have addressed me. I don't know your situation or how bad things might have been or what eventually caused you to separate. I'm not going to ask and It's not my business, frankly. neither was it yours to enquire about my spouse. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. Since we're sticking noses in each others business, might I suggest it may also have been a 'you' problem.
I mean what are you really suggesting? That my partner deserves better than what I can give her? That I don't deserve love or can't be in a mutually committed relationship because of my 'ego disorder'? How do you think that makes a person feel? Don't you think I have thoughts like this all the time and feel like an unworthy piece of garbage? She always reassures me that everything is fine and it's not like that at all. Maybe she's not as high maintenance as you were, maybe her needs are less? Does that make her less than you? Maybe it's just a miracle and we love each other somehow? Maybe I'm not actually a monster? You assumed so much about someone else's relationship based on your own personal experience, likely without considering any of these possibilities. Who has the lack of empathy again?
Uhhh.. I'm just putting my two cents in on my experience with someone who has Aspergers with OCD. That's all friend.
$50.00
?
That's what it costs to get married.