About 14 days ago, after 34 years of keeping the secret, I finally opened up and told a brother in Christ i had been raped as a little boy. Against my wishes, the Holy Spirit willed that my wife and others hear the truth as well.
Married 9 years almost and she knew nothing of this though she invariably experienced the self loathing, humiliation, guilt, shame, anger, and hatred that i allowed sanctuary in my heart.
I was 6 years old. I was a little boy and all the things little boys should have were robbed from me. I have struggled mightily the past 6 years with this burden. My marriage bears numerous scars from the sin i committed as a result of the "secret."
About 30 days ago God made it clear He was going after this in me. About 14 days ago I laid this at the foot of the cross. My life is in disary presently but the Spirit is moving.
These people that rape little kids, and do worse, are on a level of evil that is astounding. I have caused so much hurt, chaos, and sin as a result of my sin of keeping the secret; of not giving this hurt over to Jesus.
It is no more. Satan's major vector for attacking me has been extinguished by the Lords doing. I will have to repair the damage i caused, but these people who do this to little ones need a millstone desperately. The way the pain they cause reverberates throughout the victims life is atrocious.
Jesus will repair my brokenness and the brokeness i created as a result, but God, i pray, give justice to the victims and vengenance to the abusers. Heal our nation Jesus of the scourge that is pedophilia. Heal and bless all those who struggle Lord by what was done to us and help us to find healing in you alone Jesus.
I pray for you and understand what those you love have experienced as it took 23 years of marriage for my hubby to open up about his attack when he was 4, so 39 years he carried this. He finally told his parents a couple years ago as well but his mother just could not understand it. She tends to be a bit selfish and it seemed that his father just wanted to change the subject. He too caused a lot of hurt in our marriage and he carries so much hate in his heart even though he prays on it I see him struggle daily. He has left many scars on our marriage and our childrens lives as they are all adults now and not close to him at all. I have prayed for him and all that have ever been abused in such a way as well because God is the only one who can give true peace in everyones heart. I pray that you understand that there is always time to fix things with those you love and God will have to be put first in all of it because many hearts will need to heal if you put your family through anything like we have faced. It will take a long time because none of it can truly be healed overnight but taking the first steps and being open will help those around you comfort you and help heal your heart as you work to heal the damage you have done. God bless you and your entire family!!!