About 14 days ago, after 34 years of keeping the secret, I finally opened up and told a brother in Christ i had been raped as a little boy. Against my wishes, the Holy Spirit willed that my wife and others hear the truth as well.
Married 9 years almost and she knew nothing of this though she invariably experienced the self loathing, humiliation, guilt, shame, anger, and hatred that i allowed sanctuary in my heart.
I was 6 years old. I was a little boy and all the things little boys should have were robbed from me. I have struggled mightily the past 6 years with this burden. My marriage bears numerous scars from the sin i committed as a result of the "secret."
About 30 days ago God made it clear He was going after this in me. About 14 days ago I laid this at the foot of the cross. My life is in disary presently but the Spirit is moving.
These people that rape little kids, and do worse, are on a level of evil that is astounding. I have caused so much hurt, chaos, and sin as a result of my sin of keeping the secret; of not giving this hurt over to Jesus.
It is no more. Satan's major vector for attacking me has been extinguished by the Lords doing. I will have to repair the damage i caused, but these people who do this to little ones need a millstone desperately. The way the pain they cause reverberates throughout the victims life is atrocious.
Jesus will repair my brokenness and the brokeness i created as a result, but God, i pray, give justice to the victims and vengenance to the abusers. Heal our nation Jesus of the scourge that is pedophilia. Heal and bless all those who struggle Lord by what was done to us and help us to find healing in you alone Jesus.
May the LORD heal your mind, body, broken heart and cleanse your soul. I pray your life is filled with miracles, signs and wonders. GOD bless you and your family. Thank you for sharing. What an incredibly brave and honest post. I feel honored to have found it.
And without doubt the lesser is blessed by the greater. Hebrews 7:7 NIV
Thank you. Healing is what's needed
You are not alone brother there are more who have had the same experience. Praise GOD that through Jesus he is helping you heal.
Innocence lost due to rape is the worst form of murder there is.
https://greatawakening.win/p/12hRj4N4CP/why-peadophilia-is-worse-than-mu/
I too, was a victim of child abuse. The pain is overwhelming. I daily turn myself to Christ, because otherwise I could never bear it. Healing is not perfect in this life, but one day, it will be. God bless you.
Sorry to hear. Bless you ☀️
(((Big hugs)))
Keeping the secret was not a sin. The hurt was so bad it couldn't simply be covered up or easily brought out. You and your wife are here on purpose, with a purpose, for a purpose. She has a mission, as do you. We pray for your collective healing.
Sure, it mulls over and over in your mind, but by leaving it at the Cross, you have already asked for God's grace and help in this. Do not dwell on it for the rest of your life. God can take that burden and toss it into the deepest part of the ocean. Have understanding that you are stronger than that memory. Keep God very close and look and ask him for guidence so you can get on with your life. Your wife and kids should not look down upon you, you were not the cause of the action. Ask them to support you and keep your eyes focused on the future, not the past.
you are right but you have to change your language and how you view this. maybe instead of "brokenness" say you lost your way momentarily or started the road to recovery. positive language brings positive results.
similar experience, you'd be surprised at how many little boys are raped
And little girls. I think there are a lot more victims than is public knowledge due to unfounded guilt and fear of rejection. Some people I have told have said I must have done something to encourage him. Something that helps me is that my brother, sister and I put bad itching powder in every pair of underwear he owned. Several trips to the doctor and they never figured it out. Took over a month to get rid of. I still enjoy watching him walk around in pain, in my head.
next time call a veteran and the solution may be more permanent
My heart breaks for you. May God provide your every need and more. Prayers for you 😔
Peace and love to you brother. Numbers 6:24-26.
Wow, how sad. I pray that the Lord will continue to heal you, and that he will heal your marriage, and that people around you will be supportive and helping you to move past all of this. I’m not sure you can actually move past, I guess maybe that’s not the right words but a complete healing. Heart mind, body, soul and spirit. Many of us here have suffered child molestation, but being raped as a child like that has got to be horrific. May God give you peace
If your attacker is still alive, may they receive prison justice or the gallows. If neither happens, they will have wished for the millstone about the neck in the afterlife.
Press on fren. Oh that You (God) would slay the wicked! Psalm 139:19
Brave. May your heart be completely cleared of the trauma...along with the hearts of all those affected by such things either directly or by association.
In the name of the Light and for the highest good of all concerned...make it so.
I am so glad that you are now in our Father's loving arms & embraced by his light & grace. Stay in the truth & work on restoring those relationships. I pray our lord will work miracles in your life to fix them.
I pray for you and understand what those you love have experienced as it took 23 years of marriage for my hubby to open up about his attack when he was 4, so 39 years he carried this. He finally told his parents a couple years ago as well but his mother just could not understand it. She tends to be a bit selfish and it seemed that his father just wanted to change the subject. He too caused a lot of hurt in our marriage and he carries so much hate in his heart even though he prays on it I see him struggle daily. He has left many scars on our marriage and our childrens lives as they are all adults now and not close to him at all. I have prayed for him and all that have ever been abused in such a way as well because God is the only one who can give true peace in everyones heart. I pray that you understand that there is always time to fix things with those you love and God will have to be put first in all of it because many hearts will need to heal if you put your family through anything like we have faced. It will take a long time because none of it can truly be healed overnight but taking the first steps and being open will help those around you comfort you and help heal your heart as you work to heal the damage you have done. God bless you and your entire family!!!
Congrats, way to be strong. Wishing you all the best. Bless you. 👊🏻
Praised be Jesus Christ
You are strong. May God continue healing your wounds.
I’m so sorry for the trauma inflicted on your innocence. It’s absolutely disgusting what happened to you. Perhaps revealing this “secret” will lead to healing. You and your family are in my prayers.
I praise God for your courage and boldness! My heart breaks for what you faced and for the years the enemy stole from you as a result. I pray that God restores all the years stolen from you in abundance. I pray for deep healing in your marriage, in your life personally and that God uses you to bring healing and restoration to those who hear your courageous story! God bless you and thank you for your obedience to the Lord and your courage in sharing here!
Vengeance is for God. Live your life with forgiveness and love in Jesus. This is a dark world, but all can be healed through Him. Let forgiveness pour over your soul and heal your heart. The forgiveness is to help you and give you strength, not those that did such horrific things to you.
Prayers to you, friend 🙏🏻
While i cant empthaize directly i know what its like to be dogged by long lasting trauma early in your childhood. I was harassed by literal demons during my formative years during my childhood development from the ages of 4-19.
Even though i came from a loving Christian family it didnt dawn on me till years later that the proplem was geocentric (and mostly tied to my parents house.) There is some bloodline stuff as well on my mothers side as well has power pyschics which played an active role in this stuff which i was unaware of until i was almost an adult.
Point being ive had a hard time holding a job and sleeping for many years despite my technical ability to perform very well in my field. -- 35 year old male in IT.
Its only until I did a great amount of genuflecting on the matter that i came to the realization that the lord had put me through 19 years of hell so i could the truth of reality -- that this stuff is very real i have also been privy to few things that people get to see since that time.
Fast forward to the age of 33 and i had direct contact with the voice of God one night that was sp prolific it changed my life in a positive way, the experience was so intense it almost shattered my mind-- i dont think the averge person could have withstood the amount of information received at one time would have literally drove them insane.
I now belive God let the first 19 years of my life be a constant hell because my mind was being trained for that future event.
God works in mysterious ways, but there is a reason some people are chosen to burden more than others. There is always a message and a greater purpose.
Heal now
YOU are VERY Blessed doubly...Having Christ at you're side and a loving family!!!!
God Speed on you're Life's Journey...Will Pray for you and Others like you.
Just going to leave this here..
https://greatawakening.win/p/12hRj4N4CP/why-peadophilia-is-worse-than-mu/
Good luck on your journey Fren, stay strong.
AMEN
I'm sorry fren, we will be repaid and repaired, I am sure of this!
May The Lord send His Spirit and heal your heart brother,
it's such an evil thing to hurt someone who is vulnerable, you are very strong to be so gracious in spite of it.
In Jesus name, we pray for the most restorative peace and healing for this man and his family, and the swiftest, harshest justice for all of those who harm Your most precious of children. Please give us all the strength to see this fight through and do what needs to be done to force the healing of this evil cancer. We ask that you continue to open people’s hearts and minds to this awful truth so that we may all move forward and fight this Good fight in Your name. Amen.
I know it's a hard thing to confess to others. It is very courageous of you to have done so.
I too had been raped. It really messes you up, but the worst part for me was how it affected my future relationships. The misplaced mistrust, the anger that is also misplaced. It isn't fair to ourselves or to them.
I'm glad you gave it to Jesus and pray we all follow suit. It's hard to bear this alone.
Father, please be with us, help us to carry our burdens. The children need to be protected. Be with us always.
Amen brother. Lifting you up in prayer
My fren I was too, about the same age. I feel your anguish. It is hard, but Jesus is the answer! Only He can heal those small parts of us that were destroyed and taken from us as children and turn it around to help heal others. People have a hard time understanding why you kept it a secret because they cant understand unless they have been through it also. The shame, guilt, sadness you bottle up. I am 54 and still dont remember everything. I have given it all to God. I will keep you in my prayers, God has a journey for you in this healing. Much ❤️
God bless and be with you. I am so sorry for your pain. I'd gladly supply the millstone! Prayers for your healing. God works miracles. Expect them and they will happen. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I am very sad for you and all those victimized, especially as children, who are helpless against the evils that adults perpetrate against them. I pray for your healing in body, mind and spirit. It is human nature to frequently revisit things we have turned over to God. I recommend that when you realize that you are "revisiting", that you pray for forgiveness for the "revisiting", reminding yourself that you gave it to God (and there are no "take backs"). As you do this, you'll make yourself aware sooner in these events and eventually, when thoughts start to go there, you can just say a prayer and let it go. God bless you, fren, and your family.
4 or 5 days after i surrendered it at the foot of Christ's cross I went back to the cross to "see if it was still there." Clearly a lack of trust in Him. He knows it though and forgives. He is training me up for something and healing is all I desire now. I desire His will and His timing on this. I'm strapped in willing to go, do, and say whatever i need to on the walk of restoration with the Holy Spirit.
(((big hugs)))
I am so sorry that happened to you.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Be strong you can overcome this. Sending you prayers for healing and strength fellow frogie.
Thank God for HI mighty work in you, brother. May he use this evil for your good and His glory!! (Like Joseph)