About 14 days ago, after 34 years of keeping the secret, I finally opened up and told a brother in Christ i had been raped as a little boy. Against my wishes, the Holy Spirit willed that my wife and others hear the truth as well.
Married 9 years almost and she knew nothing of this though she invariably experienced the self loathing, humiliation, guilt, shame, anger, and hatred that i allowed sanctuary in my heart.
I was 6 years old. I was a little boy and all the things little boys should have were robbed from me. I have struggled mightily the past 6 years with this burden. My marriage bears numerous scars from the sin i committed as a result of the "secret."
About 30 days ago God made it clear He was going after this in me. About 14 days ago I laid this at the foot of the cross. My life is in disary presently but the Spirit is moving.
These people that rape little kids, and do worse, are on a level of evil that is astounding. I have caused so much hurt, chaos, and sin as a result of my sin of keeping the secret; of not giving this hurt over to Jesus.
It is no more. Satan's major vector for attacking me has been extinguished by the Lords doing. I will have to repair the damage i caused, but these people who do this to little ones need a millstone desperately. The way the pain they cause reverberates throughout the victims life is atrocious.
Jesus will repair my brokenness and the brokeness i created as a result, but God, i pray, give justice to the victims and vengenance to the abusers. Heal our nation Jesus of the scourge that is pedophilia. Heal and bless all those who struggle Lord by what was done to us and help us to find healing in you alone Jesus.
While i cant empthaize directly i know what its like to be dogged by long lasting trauma early in your childhood. I was harassed by literal demons during my formative years during my childhood development from the ages of 4-19.
Even though i came from a loving Christian family it didnt dawn on me till years later that the proplem was geocentric (and mostly tied to my parents house.) There is some bloodline stuff as well on my mothers side as well has power pyschics which played an active role in this stuff which i was unaware of until i was almost an adult.
Point being ive had a hard time holding a job and sleeping for many years despite my technical ability to perform very well in my field. -- 35 year old male in IT.
Its only until I did a great amount of genuflecting on the matter that i came to the realization that the lord had put me through 19 years of hell so i could the truth of reality -- that this stuff is very real i have also been privy to few things that people get to see since that time.
Fast forward to the age of 33 and i had direct contact with the voice of God one night that was sp prolific it changed my life in a positive way, the experience was so intense it almost shattered my mind-- i dont think the averge person could have withstood the amount of information received at one time would have literally drove them insane.
I now belive God let the first 19 years of my life be a constant hell because my mind was being trained for that future event.
God works in mysterious ways, but there is a reason some people are chosen to burden more than others. There is always a message and a greater purpose.