You haven't experienced Christianity, you describe man made doctrines and commandments. God is love, just because people fall short of demonstrating love and truth doesn't make it fake. It's the only reality there is. The only Way out of the spiritual matrix you are in. Jesus Christ is risen and it was done all for you. You are loved and He cares for you even though you don't see it. I pray that your blindness will be lifted and that you will consider Him worthy.