If I lived in a different century I would have been a monk. I don't like life. Or rather, I don't like the kind of life I'm expected to have. Life itself is beautiful, but I hate that I have to experience it as a human being bogged down with all sorts of irrelevant responsibilities and obligations. It feels like 90% of life is just being distracted from the greater parts of existence.
I don't really care about being successful or advancing my ego. Life is too short and too temporary to get any satisfaction from that. What I want is to just be. Part of me feels attracted to death for that reason. "Duty is heavier than a mountain; death is lighter than a feather." It's something that crosses my mind a lot. Not out of depression or desperation, but out of a desire for peace.
I feel the presence of God in those quiet moments that could have been experienced in any time. Walking through a forest, watching the sunrise at the beach, gazing at the moon and stars. I just want to be at peace. I have a very good life and have been blessed with many things. But the only thing I really want is peace.
" Life itself is beautiful, but I hate that I have to experience it as a human being bogged down with all sorts of irrelevant responsibilities and obligations"
I did not expect to read something like this here. It's comforting to know there are others out there.
Those things that bog us down are artificially put there by the Banksters to make us into slaves.
The rampant depression IMO comes from our lives being increasingly filled with meaningless tasks. Everything we need to do to "be part" of society is bogged down with tedium. Buying health insurance is a 4 hour exercise in mendacity. Everything is like that. Couple the inane day to day BS with locking people indoors under artificial light, Viola! You have a suicidal population.
It's even better to escape that trap. Trust me.