Everyone I know seems to be diagnosed (or self diagnosed) with some kind of mental disorder. It's one of the defining traits of the zoomer generation. I know it's considered a kind of blasphemy, but I really think therapy is hurting our culture.
Therapy trains people to only think about themselves. If someone isn't completely perfect, we're told to cut them out of our lives. If your dad gets upset because you're not doing chores, he's abusive. If she doesn't text back after 2 minutes, she's avoidant. It just adds a really sick and toxic layer to every single social interaction.
People aren't perfect. I know I've done things that upset people in the past and people around me have made mistakes. It's called being human. Not every mistake or miscalculation is a product of evil manipulation or mental illness. Therapy seems to make the self the center of the world and reduces every relationship to something transactional. "My way or the highway."
I think that's part of the reason why our generation is so lonely. It's hard to really bond with people when you're constantly afraid of being a victim. You really need to be forgiving and be willing to see the best in people if you wanna make it in this world.
That's just exactly it. Narcissism is a self defense mechanism. When their trauma happened, their subconscious created a false persona for the conscious child to believe they are ; kind of shielding them from their trauma.
The do think they are normal, but at the same time they :
are aware they are pathological liars and manipulators
believe everyone else thinks like them
believe all of their actions are justified as they find a way to blame someone or something else for their behaviour
"You made me... I had to... You gave me no choice" All of these are used to self defend their actions and blame the other person. They are fully aware they are doing this on purpose.
A narcissist gets their self narrative fulfilled by you believing their lies or gaslighting. Or someone who only knows them believing the stories ( lies ) the narcissist tells them about you. If you believe them, in the narcissist mind, it makes it true. They are also aware they are doing this on purpose.
They live in a world where they have to constantly gaslight themselves into believing their own narrative of themselves because reality is constantly telling them it's not true. A real definition of mental hell.
Everything a narcissist does / thinks / reacts is directly tied to so they never feel the same way again that they felt when their trauma happened. The avoidance of feeling shame is the driving force behind narcissism. Cowardice, however, is the driving behaviour. They're running from themselves, so naturally, they run from everything else ; responsibility, accountability, self integrity and self respect.
" If I can hurt them before they hurt me.. " is a pretty fair way to describe their overall view of others.
Very good explanation. Slightly different view on a few points but you nailed it.
This was a fascinating, informative exchange & an excellent recap of how therapy can be beneficial. This cracked me up, "Boundaries are fucking weird when you've never really had many."🐸