My advise is to surround yourself with other Christians, and definitely a men’s Bible Study. Read Gods word daily, and get involved with your church.

You have alot of child hood trauma that needs to be addressed - and only the Lord can heal that, however: look into some Christian counseling. You have many wounds to heal, and hope you find the right path moving forward.

I can say that my later in life breakdown was difficult- but I’ve come out the other side a much more joyful and grounded Christian! Finally living my best life!