Q said there are cures. Update of my treatment using Keto diet, fenben, etc.
(antiagemedical.com)
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Well the first thing is to know that you HAVE to!! Getting better is essential! The conflicts prevent healing!
I decided I am worth saving! I bypassed the conflicts. I could NOT resolve the hurt due to mother in law!! I could NOT change either of them, even to recognize my basic rights as wife and need for relief from hurt. The recurring panic attacks, etc. It was killing me! So I took her "off my time line". Now there is just Mildred, M-I-L dred. Mildred can't hurt me. When I get anxious I tell myself "it is just Mildred!" HA! But I cannot let the previous version back into my life and timeline. That doesn't work and is too harmful to me. She is just another person, I wish her no ill will but she has nothing to do with me and I don't care what she thinks about me. HA!
Of course there is no m-i-l problem without a complicit spouse who chooses her first. He would still try to get angry with me about "his mother" which caused me great emotional distress and panic attacks. I will not go into the details about how I short-circuited that. But I HAD TO! I had tried everything: explaining, sending informative information, but even my deteriorating health did not phase them.
At a certain point, I had to make it like water off a duck's back. Hey, I can't change them! It says more about them than it does me! I had to let it go, to survive! That is the impetus German New Medicine gave me! Let past hurts go. We can't change the past. We do not need to suffer it over and over again, while the perps go on with their lives with no clue or caring.
Still not easy, but yes, it does work.
The solution will be unique to each person in each situation. But it can be done! Best Wishes fren!
PS Spouseanon is a great guy unless it comes to "his family!"
Also if she is narcissist and she likely meshed him early and that is almost subconsciously making it impossible for him. Sorry your having to deal with that as well
you nailed it!!
This is very useful. I understand the MIL situation as well. I have the same conflict with Mr. Ofsnark. Lord please let me get this guy healthy and give me the strength to let go because MIL business is the worst business. Hugs and thank you I will pass this on and use it to help my boy.
SO SORRY! It is, indeed the worst business, and yes the husband IS caught in the middle, causing him no little discomfort [understatement]; but Mom always is first.
Since you get this situation, I'll explain a bit of the other avenue which greatly helped me resolve the conflict when spouse-anon would get angry or judgemental with me about "his mother". [He never calls her mom, it is always "my mother" which seems to me a bit formal . . . ]
Well, there are no coincidences. I was reading old National Geographics before getting rid of them. July 2011 had a description of native potatoes of Peru and Bolivia. One was called "Makes the Daughter-in-law Cry". OH MY, I thought, there is a reason this potato has this name! and it speaks of the MIL son DIL conflicts!
So I did some searches. Don't remember the links, but there is lots of info and easy to find. Bottom line: the prospective bride had to peel this bumpy potato with lots of eyes with a knife in an unbroken strip to prove she was worthy of marrying the son!
OH MY! Once I read about it, this potato peeling explained in a nutshell the disordered relationship between son and mother which allows them to harm and torture the DIL!! It became clear as day to me!
My response: "I am not going to peel your stupid potatoes!" [I always cook potatoes in the skin anyway.]
IOW I am not part of their game, where the son and his mother get to torture the DIL!
I am NOT peeling their stupid potatoes! HA! Well this has helped me greatly.
HOPING for your guys' healings!!! Thanks fren!
Good for you!!! That is a particularly toxic game of unrealistic expectations and shame and guilt as a reward no matter what you do.If you catch my drift. I will be in prayer for your continued healing and looking forward to updates.
You cannot please someone who will not be pleased. That is the trap. I am not going to be the scapegoat for their distorted relationship. They choose to not examine or change it. Worse for them than me as I see it.
Prayers back at you! Yes let's give updates!
Very healthy and wise advice...