It’s a personal anecdote so don’t take it as Gospel Truth as that’s how it is everywhere.
I live in a fairly conservative area and can count on one hand with fingers left over the number of men I know that are married and happy. And of those I think at least one of them is only happy because him and his wife are hardly ever together both are always off doing personal projects or working. The rest seem to be perpetually unhappy and miserable. That includes the Bible beating in church every Sunday guys. Conversely Most of the guys that I know are single or Divorced and only attend church semi-regularly if at all. Are happier in comparison.
Keep in mind happier doesn’t necessarily mean satisfied. But they aren’t miserable.
Being married is part of spiritual development for married people. Your final form (in Heaven if you make it) is selfless saintliness, but sometimes it feels like we’re crawling over cactus to get there. Gotta learn to laugh at those pricks against which we’re all so prone to kick. As a divorced person one is constantly searching for a more suitable spouse the second, or third, or…time around. If you haven’t changed for the better, possibly learning some humility and seeking God’s help in rising above the cactus patch, you’re just gonna repeat the same errors, until you learn your lessons. It’s hard to see it as a blessing while you’re bleeding, I know, but you’ll look back on all your suffering as both necessary and proper parts of the process of sanctification. It doesn’t mean be a doormat. It requires courage to speak truth.
Or you’re a hedonist interested only in gratifying immediate needs and wants, in which case I suggest live and learn, or don’t. It’s permitted. You choose. Nobody can become virtuous, which even Epicurus advocated as producing “eudaemonia”, that is “happiness” or “the good life” on their own.
So being absolutely miserable and hating your marriage and life is a good thing because it’s spiritual development? I suppose I can see where that would be the case. Though I wouldn’t exactly consider it a good thing either. Considering the amount of men statistics wise who are killing themselves rather than continuing on in said marriages or after losing everything in a Divorce.
Mostly I was under the impression it just meant you were dumb enough to marry someone incompatible and are too afraid of losing everything in a Divorce to leave.
I’m giving people the benefit of the doubt that they had proper foundation for marriage from the beginning. That they intended to have a family and raise children in a stable structured wholesome environment.
If along the course of life one person’s susceptibility to temptation, in its various forms, compromises the partnership, then the opportunity for spiritual growth arises. Assessing what made the temptation seem desirable, as in “What do I really want?” Or else it all goes kaflooey which is not uncommon.
If people get married because she looks hot and he’s got money and children are an unintended afterthought there wasn’t a lot to start with and it was doomed before it began. More kaflooey, and I’d never advocate a lifetime enduring such a mess. Counseling would be laughably useless. One can’t help but be sympathetic to the kids stuck with these people.
All of life’s dramas provide opportunities for spiritual growth. Or our stupid choices get repeated time after time and we die ignorant fools unaware of our own foolishness blaming everyone else for our misery.
I’m plenty stupid and have had some awful marriages. Much damage in my wake. I’m truly sorry. They ended badly and gave me opportunities to reflect on where I went wrong. It took some time, but I finally got it right. And I got lucky and found a good woman. It’s made me smug. Sorry. I’m such an asshole. I have too high regard for myself. It’s my character flaw, but at least I recognize it, and I do work at being better. I’m old as dirt, (and twice as ugly) so I better get busy repenting while I’m still able. Thanks for helping me try to improve.
Yep, but directionality and effort are still worthwhile endeavors. Nobody becomes truly virtuous by their own efforts. Neither Epicurus nor Epictetus claimed to have fully realized virtue. Plotinus maybe made such a claim but he’s an exception. Grace from God is absolutely and demonstrably necessary, but you gotta at least meet Him half way. Nobody’s praying between tequila shots at the strip club, if you know what I mean.
I know who you are talking about. If they are in a corporate environment they will describe themselves on linkedin as a "servant leader" 🙄. This is true whether they are married to TDS Karen or country club Republican (Never Trump) tradwife. In each case, the always unspoken rule is that money money money money money runs everything. These guys know the truth deep down but they remain loyal because this is how most men are wired.
It’s a personal anecdote so don’t take it as Gospel Truth as that’s how it is everywhere.
I live in a fairly conservative area and can count on one hand with fingers left over the number of men I know that are married and happy. And of those I think at least one of them is only happy because him and his wife are hardly ever together both are always off doing personal projects or working. The rest seem to be perpetually unhappy and miserable. That includes the Bible beating in church every Sunday guys. Conversely Most of the guys that I know are single or Divorced and only attend church semi-regularly if at all. Are happier in comparison.
Keep in mind happier doesn’t necessarily mean satisfied. But they aren’t miserable.
Being married is part of spiritual development for married people. Your final form (in Heaven if you make it) is selfless saintliness, but sometimes it feels like we’re crawling over cactus to get there. Gotta learn to laugh at those pricks against which we’re all so prone to kick. As a divorced person one is constantly searching for a more suitable spouse the second, or third, or…time around. If you haven’t changed for the better, possibly learning some humility and seeking God’s help in rising above the cactus patch, you’re just gonna repeat the same errors, until you learn your lessons. It’s hard to see it as a blessing while you’re bleeding, I know, but you’ll look back on all your suffering as both necessary and proper parts of the process of sanctification. It doesn’t mean be a doormat. It requires courage to speak truth.
Or you’re a hedonist interested only in gratifying immediate needs and wants, in which case I suggest live and learn, or don’t. It’s permitted. You choose. Nobody can become virtuous, which even Epicurus advocated as producing “eudaemonia”, that is “happiness” or “the good life” on their own.
So being absolutely miserable and hating your marriage and life is a good thing because it’s spiritual development? I suppose I can see where that would be the case. Though I wouldn’t exactly consider it a good thing either. Considering the amount of men statistics wise who are killing themselves rather than continuing on in said marriages or after losing everything in a Divorce.
Mostly I was under the impression it just meant you were dumb enough to marry someone incompatible and are too afraid of losing everything in a Divorce to leave.
I’m giving people the benefit of the doubt that they had proper foundation for marriage from the beginning. That they intended to have a family and raise children in a stable structured wholesome environment.
If along the course of life one person’s susceptibility to temptation, in its various forms, compromises the partnership, then the opportunity for spiritual growth arises. Assessing what made the temptation seem desirable, as in “What do I really want?” Or else it all goes kaflooey which is not uncommon.
If people get married because she looks hot and he’s got money and children are an unintended afterthought there wasn’t a lot to start with and it was doomed before it began. More kaflooey, and I’d never advocate a lifetime enduring such a mess. Counseling would be laughably useless. One can’t help but be sympathetic to the kids stuck with these people.
All of life’s dramas provide opportunities for spiritual growth. Or our stupid choices get repeated time after time and we die ignorant fools unaware of our own foolishness blaming everyone else for our misery.
I’m plenty stupid and have had some awful marriages. Much damage in my wake. I’m truly sorry. They ended badly and gave me opportunities to reflect on where I went wrong. It took some time, but I finally got it right. And I got lucky and found a good woman. It’s made me smug. Sorry. I’m such an asshole. I have too high regard for myself. It’s my character flaw, but at least I recognize it, and I do work at being better. I’m old as dirt, (and twice as ugly) so I better get busy repenting while I’m still able. Thanks for helping me try to improve.
There is none righteous, not one.
Yep, but directionality and effort are still worthwhile endeavors. Nobody becomes truly virtuous by their own efforts. Neither Epicurus nor Epictetus claimed to have fully realized virtue. Plotinus maybe made such a claim but he’s an exception. Grace from God is absolutely and demonstrably necessary, but you gotta at least meet Him half way. Nobody’s praying between tequila shots at the strip club, if you know what I mean.
I am saved by grace and am absolutely unworthy, yet i strive daily by the power of the Holy Spirit to lead me unto sactification.
Romans 12:12 Psalm 40:1-5.
Enjoy this wonderous dsy, fren!
I know who you are talking about. If they are in a corporate environment they will describe themselves on linkedin as a "servant leader" 🙄. This is true whether they are married to TDS Karen or country club Republican (Never Trump) tradwife. In each case, the always unspoken rule is that money money money money money runs everything. These guys know the truth deep down but they remain loyal because this is how most men are wired.