You're right. And I actually, as of just today, ordered several books on masculinity and toughing up, so to speak. I'm going to start working out, carrying my shoulders high instead of slouching, and stop showing so much stupid emotion. It's feminine and it's not attractive. And we'll see if once I start working out, ignoring her a bit, have a positive attitude, and start manning up, so to speak, she'll turn around. Who knows. But I agree.
Thank you. I have looked into this method and have attempted it a few times - going for days occasionally. It does not seem to phase her. I truly feel that I might as well be considered dead to her. She shows zero emotion.
As far as getting back on the scene, I honestly don't think I ever will. I know people say that. But I really do mean that. I've gone through these things in middle school, high school, an engagement where my fiance cheated on me with a chick ... now this with my wife. I'm truly just done. Will probably just focus everything on Christ and my daughter.
I believe it's possible. And get this - my next door neighbor is prior 'three letter agency' officer. And all of this started when we moved here. So I really wouldnt doubt this.
Thank you. I wish there was a way to do that and I appreciate your willingness to offer it. I don't believe the mods would allow me to post something like that. If you have any ideas please do let me know.
Can someone please explain what the "shit test" means. Ya'll have said this a few times, I dont understand it.
Nope.
Though, I'm going to mention this from several years ago:
We're sitting at a restaurant one night and I randomly am like "yeah the vax can be spread through sex, too." And she's like "WHAT!" like total concern freak out, starts pulling her hair to the side and wiping her face.
And I was like yeah, but it doesn't matter, I mean, we're not vaxxed. And she has this extreme concerned look on her face and goes "Stop, the vax can be spread through sex? oh my gooddd..."
And I was like "Yeah. Crazy right? Why are you this concerned about it?!"
"I just didn't think that was possible, that's crazy."
Maybe I'm taking it too far. And maybe it was legitimate conversation and concern. But now I'm thinking years back and wondering if she's just been cheating on me for years and I've been blind to it. Lord.
What makes you think this and is there a way I can find out?
We've been here, dealing with this, for 15 months now. Haven't had sex in 15 months. Imagine.
Ramsey has some great content, didn't know he had this, thank you. (And honestly there's not much to split)
Sorry to read this happened to you. I think so, too - there's gotta be a reason to that - but things are probably deleted and cleared, who knows. I leave my phone behind all the time. Example was even just today, we went out to grab food today and we were at the gas station and I had to go inside - left my phone in the car, no concerns with doing so. Doubt she would have ever even considered doing the same.
Good point. This helps for sure as that's been a mental roadblock for me since I base a lot of my life on the Bible.
I absolutely love this, thank you. I will start working on this tonight.
me too, really dont have anyone. Thank you.
So terrible that your ex-husband did this. But your turnaround story is so incredible - and that's really funny how ya'll met with you gardening haha. Thank you for sharing this, really helps me see that there can be more on the other side of this and that it's not the end.
so weird. like I mentioned in another comment, I sometimes feel like I'm in some kind of timeline shift, like constantly switching between timelines. It makes no sense to me. Interesting to read that I'm not alone in this happening.
I will read it, thank you
Thank you. I should have mentioned that - we've been sleeping in separate rooms now for the last four months.
100%. I've read about this a lot and I've tested it. I've noticed that if I keep the conversation focused on her, she glows. If I ask what she has going on, hype it up, build up on that, tell her how much all that means, how cool it is, etc, etc, she just glows up. If I then try to turn the conversation to talk about my work, she fizzles out and gives very basic responses. I do believe she has this, probably narcissistic bipolar, or possibly borderline personality disorder matched up with narcissism.
True. Thank you.
Thank you man. I've asked her this and she's refused. She claims it costs too much and that she doesn't need therapy and that, if I want, I can go to therapy on my own. I even mentioned it's covered on our insurance and that cost has no relevance. (they're just excuses - she just doesn't want to make things work).
I agree. I told her probably a week ago the exact phrase: "You're the one that wants a divorce and ultimately you're the one that brought chaos to this family - so you're the one that needs to be moving out." if I bring up God, she literally says "Don't quote scripture to me!!!" it's bizarre.
I was reading about the 'gray rock' method (you basically give really short answers, yes and no, dont expand on conversation, etc.). I attempted it about a week ago and it was really weird. She wasn't bothered by it - didn't show any further interest. I am dead to her, seriously. That's how it feels. And I told her this a few days ago. That we all go through the typical 'stages of grief' and that she's left me stuck in the 'depression' stage and not able to move into the 'acceptance' stage because of the fact that we aren't officially filing or moving on with our lives. It's weird, though, because she, herself, is definitely in acceptance phase. I might as well be a ghost.
Thank you friend
That's correct, we are renting. And that's true - I should move on and not worry about where she goes. But I've supported her for over ten years now and no, she is not working - so I do not feel it's right (despite how much pain I've been dealt) to just put her on the curb and move out. Regardless of what she's put me through, I just don't have the heart to 'man up' and do something like this. I'd prefer she lines something up for herself rather than it being forced upon her. She has no work history and no income outside of me, so her going to try to find a place would be extremely difficult. "Not my problem" is of course what I should be thinking, I know. I just can't. I've questioned myself on this before, too, like why can't I see it that way. But you're right, my focus needs to be on my daughter and myself. And that's what I'm working on now.
Funny you say that because I've literally thought that I'm splitting timelines. Now I don't know if that's just from her gaslighting and thus making me feel crazy or what. But I have literally felt like this because there will be one week where she says she wants to work on our relationship and focus on our daughter, and then another week where she's angry and acts like a completely different person. I don't doubt what you say, as crazy as it sounds.
Yes, this is very true. I'm definitely running in a circle. A continuous looping pattern. Groundhog day.
Just posted an update to this. Did some peaking on her computer and found all kinds of photos she'd recently saved to her photo library with her ex husband. He's been passed away for several years. But this seemed odd tot me. Additionally photos of her and her best female friend who wanted us to separate when we very first got married. Now I know who's in her ear and brainwashing her.