I'll admit I was caught up in this new form of bird-watching to feed my hopium addiction. But then I grew up and realized I had no idea what any of it meant and my time was better spent on other things.
I want to contribute so badly, make any kind of difference to improve the situation.
I’m actually struggling now to even express how strong my feelings are, I find it impossible to articulate.
My very existence feels threatened... my life, my soul, my family, my comprehension of reality, the foundations of every decision I’ve ever made. I operated in life on certain assumptions and unraveling all of this political situation and human history has obliterated every single one.
I had a station in life, I knew where I stood, I knew where I needed to go, I had goals and knew what I wanted to do next to achieve them.
Now I face a new reality where my goals mean nothing, they are forged in fantasy. I have little to no control over anything, I have little or nothing built that can’t be easily destroyed, everything I work toward any goal any desire anything I think is Good could turn to dust at any moment.
If evil pedophiles that torture children can run the world for generations, then I’ve been praying in the wrong direction.
God may be above me, God may be in charge, God may have a Good plan.
I say this to God, Show me Righteousness unto the world before I embrace the demons, Show me that faith shines light beyond my life, I do not want your blessings while the innocent suffer, I will bask in darkness rather than abandon kindred souls, I would rather burn in hell for eternity than use my fellow man as the stepping stones to heaven.
I appreciate your situation, we're all feeling the impact of these challenging times. Hang in there friend.
As for your last paragraph, to deny good here where evil prospers over there does not make sense. To embrace evil here if evil over there does not get vanquished, also does not make sense. You are not responsible for the entire world, you are responsible for your decisions and your actions or inaction. Do good where you can, and pray for those who are beyond your reach. Hang in there and be in a position where you can help others and not need help yourself. Giving up not only hurts yourself but denies any sort of help to those you are deeply concerned about. That is a lose decision and you are made to win. Win at life, Win at your quality relationships with God and others, and one day you will be in a position to help others. Perhaps even today. Step one is giving your life to Jesus. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-P7KBaCYlg
This is how I feel lately, too. Due to many factors, I spent much of my life directionless, didn’t put down roots, never started a family, lived a fairly insular life and didn’t plan well for the future.
Over the past few years as I transition to middle age, that had begun to change. For the first time, I felt grounded. I began to live life with purpose. I realized that living in urban/suburban areas was one of the largest sources of stress in my life, so I moved to the country and finally bought a house. I had started to come out of the shell and make an attempt to be social and participate in my community. Then 2020 came along and pulled the rug out from under me.
I finally had a plan, I had a direction, and then suddenly it seemed meaningless. Anything and everything could be taken from me at any moment and there would be nothing I could do about it. I’ve always been hugely skeptical and never accepted things at face value, but I never felt compelled to dig deeply. I never trusted the system, and just tried my best to ignore it. Suddenly, that was no longer possible. It was time to take the red pill.
I had never experienced faith in my life. I was always agnostic, or maybe just plain atheist. As the situation in our nation and our world became more dire, I found that beginning to change. The past couple months, while I still feel enraged at all of the injustices we’re seeing so blatantly committed, I’ve begun to find peace.
They say there are no atheists in a foxhole, but I don’t feel like this is faith borne out of desperation. Perhaps I am grasping at the final shreds of reason in a world gone insane, but it feels more like I am realizing that while these people are truly evil, their influence over me is purely mundane. They can exercise, or attempt to exercise dominion over my physical body, but my soul can not and will not be surrendered unless I allow it.
I will not allow it. I choose instead to stoke the ember of faith until I find a higher sort of red pill; until my faith is absolute. I will find the way, or die trying.
Faith will protect their souls. 2A is all we have to protect our physical bodies. I think our first duty right now is to do right by ourselves and those closest to us. No single one of us can bear the weight of the world or stand up to the evil in it. We need to stay true to ourselves, to each other, and to God. I spent most of my life focusing on myself without staying true, ignore my impact on others, and denying God. If nothing else, you sound like you’re ahead of me in most of these regards.
I couldn’t have expressed this feeling of angst any better thank you, my friend. I believe we are feeling the same way in various degrees. But I look at it like this; necessity breeds opportunity. When one door closes, another one opens. And often blank canvases are what we need to paint a new beautiful future rather than trying to cover the past like a bad tattoo. We’re in this together. We all feel your pain and soon, we will all feel the same glory (I hope and pray, anyway).
I'll admit I was caught up in this new form of bird-watching to feed my hopium addiction. But then I grew up and realized I had no idea what any of it meant and my time was better spent on other things.
I’m having similar struggles.
I want to contribute so badly, make any kind of difference to improve the situation.
I’m actually struggling now to even express how strong my feelings are, I find it impossible to articulate.
My very existence feels threatened... my life, my soul, my family, my comprehension of reality, the foundations of every decision I’ve ever made. I operated in life on certain assumptions and unraveling all of this political situation and human history has obliterated every single one.
I had a station in life, I knew where I stood, I knew where I needed to go, I had goals and knew what I wanted to do next to achieve them.
Now I face a new reality where my goals mean nothing, they are forged in fantasy. I have little to no control over anything, I have little or nothing built that can’t be easily destroyed, everything I work toward any goal any desire anything I think is Good could turn to dust at any moment.
If evil pedophiles that torture children can run the world for generations, then I’ve been praying in the wrong direction.
God may be above me, God may be in charge, God may have a Good plan.
I say this to God, Show me Righteousness unto the world before I embrace the demons, Show me that faith shines light beyond my life, I do not want your blessings while the innocent suffer, I will bask in darkness rather than abandon kindred souls, I would rather burn in hell for eternity than use my fellow man as the stepping stones to heaven.
I appreciate your situation, we're all feeling the impact of these challenging times. Hang in there friend.
As for your last paragraph, to deny good here where evil prospers over there does not make sense. To embrace evil here if evil over there does not get vanquished, also does not make sense. You are not responsible for the entire world, you are responsible for your decisions and your actions or inaction. Do good where you can, and pray for those who are beyond your reach. Hang in there and be in a position where you can help others and not need help yourself. Giving up not only hurts yourself but denies any sort of help to those you are deeply concerned about. That is a lose decision and you are made to win. Win at life, Win at your quality relationships with God and others, and one day you will be in a position to help others. Perhaps even today. Step one is giving your life to Jesus. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-P7KBaCYlg
This is how I feel lately, too. Due to many factors, I spent much of my life directionless, didn’t put down roots, never started a family, lived a fairly insular life and didn’t plan well for the future.
Over the past few years as I transition to middle age, that had begun to change. For the first time, I felt grounded. I began to live life with purpose. I realized that living in urban/suburban areas was one of the largest sources of stress in my life, so I moved to the country and finally bought a house. I had started to come out of the shell and make an attempt to be social and participate in my community. Then 2020 came along and pulled the rug out from under me.
I finally had a plan, I had a direction, and then suddenly it seemed meaningless. Anything and everything could be taken from me at any moment and there would be nothing I could do about it. I’ve always been hugely skeptical and never accepted things at face value, but I never felt compelled to dig deeply. I never trusted the system, and just tried my best to ignore it. Suddenly, that was no longer possible. It was time to take the red pill.
I had never experienced faith in my life. I was always agnostic, or maybe just plain atheist. As the situation in our nation and our world became more dire, I found that beginning to change. The past couple months, while I still feel enraged at all of the injustices we’re seeing so blatantly committed, I’ve begun to find peace.
They say there are no atheists in a foxhole, but I don’t feel like this is faith borne out of desperation. Perhaps I am grasping at the final shreds of reason in a world gone insane, but it feels more like I am realizing that while these people are truly evil, their influence over me is purely mundane. They can exercise, or attempt to exercise dominion over my physical body, but my soul can not and will not be surrendered unless I allow it.
I will not allow it. I choose instead to stoke the ember of faith until I find a higher sort of red pill; until my faith is absolute. I will find the way, or die trying.
I think you’ve got it right.
Faith is the only way forward.
Faith will protect their souls. 2A is all we have to protect our physical bodies. I think our first duty right now is to do right by ourselves and those closest to us. No single one of us can bear the weight of the world or stand up to the evil in it. We need to stay true to ourselves, to each other, and to God. I spent most of my life focusing on myself without staying true, ignore my impact on others, and denying God. If nothing else, you sound like you’re ahead of me in most of these regards.
I couldn’t have expressed this feeling of angst any better thank you, my friend. I believe we are feeling the same way in various degrees. But I look at it like this; necessity breeds opportunity. When one door closes, another one opens. And often blank canvases are what we need to paint a new beautiful future rather than trying to cover the past like a bad tattoo. We’re in this together. We all feel your pain and soon, we will all feel the same glory (I hope and pray, anyway).