Never mind that I'm an antitheist but with a particular demographic any mention of 'Gods will' or any such will instantly loose you any argument.......
May not be too popular a thing to say with many here but it is very much true so it bears mentioning as it is sorta in the same vein as Trump never using 'politician speak' or big words, the whole point of communicating is to get the point across and anything that gets in the way of that just means that you have failed at communicating that point.....
I hope that one day you do find yourself running towards God. When that day comes, I pray that you think back to this post and reflect on why I might have been standing firm in my conviction that God is not the problem here. God is the answer.