Well... she's not a very good person, in a nutshell. She's one of those that, literally, never, ever owns up to their actions ; it's ALWAYS someone else's fault. "You made me .... " " I had to...." Never, in her life has she possessed self accountability.
She needs to talk to a psych and tell them who she is. She portrays this huge, fake facade that she's this wonderful, all good intentions person with a huge heart and just wants to be kind to everyone. Turns out.... she's been a lying back stabbing, two faced gas lighter her entire life. Her mom , some cousins and a bunch of people she grew up with has confirmed this.
She's never had friends for more than a couple of months. I've seen it many times in the 26 years. Once people start to get to know her, they don't want anything to do with her anymore. Her mom and myself ; the only people who have ever stayed in her life longer than a couple of months.
She also has had multiple concussions in her life. She actually just smashed her head about 2 weeks ago - worst I've seen her do in 26 years. Look into CTE and symptoms. She's well into Stage III - cognitive stuff. Severe and instant memory loss, mental fog, massive sleep issues, etc ; she has all the symptoms.
I've tried, man I've tried. I've made her read the studies on it. She KNOWS there is something wrong with her, her mom and I both know it.
Here's an example of the facade. ALL this time ( 26 years ), I've been under the impression that her mom and her have this huge, rock solid unbreakable bond and her mom tolerates me.
Turns out.... that's 100%... 10000% a lie. She's apparently been on her last legs with her mom for years. Her mom knows she acts and does what she does because she thinks she's going to make up for what she's done to her mom. Her mom knows this is what it is.
When a mother says things like "that girl doesn't have a good heart, I'm sorry it took you so long to see this " and "I closed the door on her a long time ago" it speaks volumes. Also turns out, her mom confirmed a whack of lies she's told her mom about me.
It was a good feeling hearing that her mom actually thinks the exact opposite about me from what my wife has made me think. Looks like she's one of the most horrible people I've ever met. I won't even start to put down what she's said to her friends - that ended up running away from her - about me behind my back.
Sorry about the book. Guess this is my only place to release some shit about this. Sorry for airing my personal shit, but thank you for allowing me to get some of this out.
Oh man! That's a heavy load! My heart goes out to you.
My question was based on my opinion that there isn't any help for that level of damage done by the shots; but it seems that her issues go so much deeper.
Psychiatrists are often tortured because they are mostly helpless to treat people with severe personality disorders. And brain injuries are the icing on the terrible cake.
As an objectiive stranger who has struggled with codependency, I was liberated by something that I got from one of the books my therapist recommended (IIRC it was "Codependence No More").
It goes like this: We typically try to recreate the relationship with our most dominant parent. If that parent has an illness or addiction, we subconsciously seek out those who we think we can "fix", an unhealthy attempt to heal the pain and helplessness of our childhood.
The problem is that we have no control over anyone else (only our own behavior). Some people are destined to suffer. Relationships are only healthy if they are reciprocal. Otherwise, it is a caregiving situation or a controlling dynamic with ulterior motives.
Some people can be helped and some cannot. And when they refuse help or are too damaged to benefit from it, a question presents itself: If one person is destined to suffer, why sacrifice your time on Earth to suffer alongside them? Especially when your suffering changes nothing for them and prevents you from affecting the world in positive ways?
It's not her that will benefit from help. She will likely need to be in a group home or skilled nursing facility, on psych drugs, as her brain damage progresses. It's you who needs to find someone to help you through the pain and loss that you are suffering.
My heart goes out to you. Please know that you don't deserve this and it doesn't have to be your cross to bear. There are a lot of rotten therapists out there, but when you find the right one, they can change your life!
When someone falls off of a cliff you can't rescue them by jumping off after them. Instead, build an observation point there and memorialize an unfortunate loss.
Thank you for the kind words, my friend. I appreciate it.
I've been really educating myself on the CTE since we were in Calgary - I started seeing some stuff back then. It's a very sad outcome, really. It's progressive, can't be stopped / quelled and ends up with basically developing dementia.
You are right, the help she needs in the end, won't help her. It's sad and scary watching someone you love deteriorate right in front of you, all the while, somehow completely blind to what's happening right in front of them. I do know that in the end.... she most likely will end up in a care facility.
I'm too good of a person. I can't just do nothing. I can't just "ok, fuck you, I don't care" after 26 years. It's been me and her against the world this whole time... now I'm part of that world she's fighting against.
I see someone soak themselves in gasoline and reach for the matches... I can't just stand there. When the person though has zero sense of self accountability or responsibility, you unfortunately have to watch them burn.
Her mom said something to me that gave me a lot of closure and sense of acceptance. When she mentioned the 'closing the door', it confirmed what I've been seeing for years. It confirmed for me, this isn't my fault, I've done everything I can do, as her mom as over the years. I have to let go of what I THOUGHT she was, and finally accept what I've known all along.
So sorry for all of you.
What kind of help would she get, though?
Well... she's not a very good person, in a nutshell. She's one of those that, literally, never, ever owns up to their actions ; it's ALWAYS someone else's fault. "You made me .... " " I had to...." Never, in her life has she possessed self accountability.
She needs to talk to a psych and tell them who she is. She portrays this huge, fake facade that she's this wonderful, all good intentions person with a huge heart and just wants to be kind to everyone. Turns out.... she's been a lying back stabbing, two faced gas lighter her entire life. Her mom , some cousins and a bunch of people she grew up with has confirmed this.
She's never had friends for more than a couple of months. I've seen it many times in the 26 years. Once people start to get to know her, they don't want anything to do with her anymore. Her mom and myself ; the only people who have ever stayed in her life longer than a couple of months.
She also has had multiple concussions in her life. She actually just smashed her head about 2 weeks ago - worst I've seen her do in 26 years. Look into CTE and symptoms. She's well into Stage III - cognitive stuff. Severe and instant memory loss, mental fog, massive sleep issues, etc ; she has all the symptoms.
I've tried, man I've tried. I've made her read the studies on it. She KNOWS there is something wrong with her, her mom and I both know it.
Here's an example of the facade. ALL this time ( 26 years ), I've been under the impression that her mom and her have this huge, rock solid unbreakable bond and her mom tolerates me.
Turns out.... that's 100%... 10000% a lie. She's apparently been on her last legs with her mom for years. Her mom knows she acts and does what she does because she thinks she's going to make up for what she's done to her mom. Her mom knows this is what it is.
When a mother says things like "that girl doesn't have a good heart, I'm sorry it took you so long to see this " and "I closed the door on her a long time ago" it speaks volumes. Also turns out, her mom confirmed a whack of lies she's told her mom about me.
It was a good feeling hearing that her mom actually thinks the exact opposite about me from what my wife has made me think. Looks like she's one of the most horrible people I've ever met. I won't even start to put down what she's said to her friends - that ended up running away from her - about me behind my back.
Sorry about the book. Guess this is my only place to release some shit about this. Sorry for airing my personal shit, but thank you for allowing me to get some of this out.
Oh man! That's a heavy load! My heart goes out to you.
My question was based on my opinion that there isn't any help for that level of damage done by the shots; but it seems that her issues go so much deeper.
Psychiatrists are often tortured because they are mostly helpless to treat people with severe personality disorders. And brain injuries are the icing on the terrible cake.
As an objectiive stranger who has struggled with codependency, I was liberated by something that I got from one of the books my therapist recommended (IIRC it was "Codependence No More").
It goes like this: We typically try to recreate the relationship with our most dominant parent. If that parent has an illness or addiction, we subconsciously seek out those who we think we can "fix", an unhealthy attempt to heal the pain and helplessness of our childhood.
The problem is that we have no control over anyone else (only our own behavior). Some people are destined to suffer. Relationships are only healthy if they are reciprocal. Otherwise, it is a caregiving situation or a controlling dynamic with ulterior motives.
Some people can be helped and some cannot. And when they refuse help or are too damaged to benefit from it, a question presents itself: If one person is destined to suffer, why sacrifice your time on Earth to suffer alongside them? Especially when your suffering changes nothing for them and prevents you from affecting the world in positive ways?
It's not her that will benefit from help. She will likely need to be in a group home or skilled nursing facility, on psych drugs, as her brain damage progresses. It's you who needs to find someone to help you through the pain and loss that you are suffering.
My heart goes out to you. Please know that you don't deserve this and it doesn't have to be your cross to bear. There are a lot of rotten therapists out there, but when you find the right one, they can change your life!
When someone falls off of a cliff you can't rescue them by jumping off after them. Instead, build an observation point there and memorialize an unfortunate loss.
Then, go live your best life! Hugs to you!
Thank you for the kind words, my friend. I appreciate it.
I've been really educating myself on the CTE since we were in Calgary - I started seeing some stuff back then. It's a very sad outcome, really. It's progressive, can't be stopped / quelled and ends up with basically developing dementia.
You are right, the help she needs in the end, won't help her. It's sad and scary watching someone you love deteriorate right in front of you, all the while, somehow completely blind to what's happening right in front of them. I do know that in the end.... she most likely will end up in a care facility.
I'm too good of a person. I can't just do nothing. I can't just "ok, fuck you, I don't care" after 26 years. It's been me and her against the world this whole time... now I'm part of that world she's fighting against.
I see someone soak themselves in gasoline and reach for the matches... I can't just stand there. When the person though has zero sense of self accountability or responsibility, you unfortunately have to watch them burn.
Her mom said something to me that gave me a lot of closure and sense of acceptance. When she mentioned the 'closing the door', it confirmed what I've been seeing for years. It confirmed for me, this isn't my fault, I've done everything I can do, as her mom as over the years. I have to let go of what I THOUGHT she was, and finally accept what I've known all along.
My heart goes out to you. It's clear that you've found strength through this; and my prayers are for you to experience healing and a bright new start.