Previous Post: https://greatawakening.win/p/15IXu0I7pA/lining-my-brain-with-eyes/
Yeah... I made some efforts to start thinking without my inner monologue, and now I'm seeing trippy stuff when I close my eyes. It did that anyways, but now it's constant objects materializing and morphing.
It reminded me of this video I saw a month back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fDJXmqdN-A
I'm not sure if I'm getting visions, this is some sort of meditation, shamanistic vision-scrying, dream projection, or something else, but it's making it pretty hard to concentrate like "normal."
I know WHAT I'm seeing, but it's all just random stuff morphing into shape.
Are there any mediums or psychics that can give me some idea of if I'm crazy or figured out how to do the thing. How do I turn it off?
I've been doing some research into Project LookingGlass, as well. I think I understand how it works, it's freakin' nutzo bonkers, but my brain don't work gud right now so that post explaining why Twitter (and all Social Media) are literal weapons of mass destruction is gonna have to stay in the oven a bit longer, ya dig?
I've acquired tons of small facts for seemingly no purpose outside of what Good it's done to help people understand Christ -- which is an avenue that's been shut off to me since Covid started up and I now spend 90% of my day all alone. Then my mother died and now I have no one to share any of my spiritual revelations with in person.
I learn many Good, and amazing things each day about our Creator and the World He made for us. In many respects, I know too much. There's practically no subject I'm not aware of and can talk about in deep conversation.
Meanwhile, I classify myself as a fool because, though I know a lot, I do very little.
I only do things when prompted by someone else. There is no internal motivation to do anything, and I mean anything, for myself.
I'm obsessed with being useful.
Which leads me to being quite negative, you're right. When something seems like I'd be useless in any effect to change the outcome, it, by default, is a negative situation in my eyes. We, individually, can only do so little to change the world, and so everything I see is from the negative point of view only with hope that someone will come along with the capacity to fill in the "unless" part of the conversation and offer up a solution.
I'm so tired, and no matter how much sleep I get I always wake up more exhausted.
I don't know how to be positive on my own. I don't know how to be happy on my own.
Everything I try to do for myself ends in disaster, while everything I try to do for others meets some form of success. It's been three years since I've had the opportunity to help someone else. Therefore, the only time I've ever felt useful has been when I go about talking spiritually on here. This place has been my last vestige of hope that I can still be useful.
I just want to please God; be useful for God.
Hey bud, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time. I'm happy to read that you seem to have a focus on pleasing the Lord. Often He sends His servants through a wilderness phase to clarify the vision He has for them, refining them for His purpose, inducing them to rely solely upon Him and not upon their own strength. It takes longer for some than others, depending on where they started or where they're going. For Elijah, it was three years. For Jesus, it was forty days. For the nation of Israel, it was forty years.
It may seem like you're spinning your wheels doing nothing for nobody, but to disciple others, you must be a disciple yourself (took the twelve at least three years of daily training with Jesus). And that involves discipline. Taking the puzzle pieces of seemingly unrelated factoids and painstakingly putting them together to form a picture of who God says He is (not just who you think He is) and what He wants from you and for you (and not just what you think He wants but is what really what you want but slapping His name on it). Not saying you do that, but it is common. It takes time and dedication. This may be God's way of saying here's your opportunity to know Him better. No outside distractions.
Regarding mediums and psychics, don't eat off the devil's table. God has all you need. Trust Him. Seek Him. He will open the door. He is rest. Have you tried reading up on the rest of God? If so, what did you find?
Are you saying that after you lost your mother (for which I am sorry), that you are still a teen? who now is morbidly depressed & experiencing narcolepsy.
Asking partly, as to my contributing wisdom, you responded "I've acquired tons of small facts for seemingly no purpose" - Did you not understand? the enduring emotional value of what I shared...