What is this thread all about?
Just a place for general discussion. A place to unload whats on your mind and talk about anything - personal, health, help needed, achievements, daily highs and daily lows, theories, predictions and what have you.
Does not need to be Q related.
So here is a topic absolutely not related to Q - but I would like your advice as there are many wise spiritual people on here.
A neighborhood kid and his brother are my son’s best friends for 14 years (they are young men now). One of the brothers turned out great, was rather shy, but is a really hard worker and always polite.
His brother was very outgoing and a rebel rouser, but always polite also - to the point where I can look back now and see how he was obviously over compensating for his darker side.
This darker side means he was an accessory to murder and convicted. He has been in prison for the last 6 years, but is being paroled next week.
He will be on probation and living with his former youth pastor, as both brothers went to a private religious good school and were actively involved n church activities.
My problem is that all the young men are talking about finding a larger condo and living together.
My concern is that while I am able to give the black sheep forgiveness and wish him well, I worry about what he may have divulged in prison about my husband’s business properties and our prepping - all of which he knew about because they would be around as teenagers while we work on the property and put away stores. (We could live for several years if we needed).
But now the black sheep brother is going to be back around and I just don’t think I want him around our property, let alone my son moving in with him.
This is pulling me apart because I want to be accepting and forgiving but worried that he might be a career criminal and bring harm our way.
Thoughts?
I do think people can change, and can make a difference in the world later when they make mistakes, however I’ve spent a great deal of my life helping out people, and all I got was a bunch of crap for it.
My advice is to allow that person to get on with his life, prove to himself and others that he is going to be successful, and willing to deal with his mistake, and make a better life for himself. But in the meantime, I don’t think anyone should be moving in with him. This person needs to figure it out on his own, and or find a place like UTurn For Christ. They help people who’ve been in prison, who accept Christ as the Lord and Savior.
Unless the young man truly wants to repent, and give his life back to Jesus, there’s no use in trying to expect much out of him. But even still, there’s a lot that needs to be proven before anybody should invest in this person unless it’s his own family, or an organization that does this professionally.
If after a year or two, he has proven himself, then by all means it’s up to your son as an adult to decide if he wants to move in with him, but I’m pretty sure after a year or two goes by, this person will move on with his own life, because he’ll see that he can do what he wants with it on his own.
Our family has had so many people over the years live with us, I’ve helped out drug addict kids, you name it… In the end, there was only a few that I was actually able to make a difference with. The rest just used us, and it was nothing but a heartache in misery - in addition to a financial drain.
Please protect your son and your own family from this. Who is going to sign the lease? Who’s gonna be responsible for the rent, and for the utilities, etc. There’s a lot that goes into having a roommate, or just moving out in general. There’s a lot of responsibility. If that person fails to meet his responsibility, it will be all on your son. Please advise him to not get involved in this, I foresee a disaster ahead.
God bless you and have a great night.
I had to take some time to think about this, and pray. At least the parolee will have six more than living with his former youth pastor, but the advice you have given regarding my son is solid. Thank you 🙏
So happy to hear that my comment was able to help. God bless you and your family
Thank you for your sincere reply. I am taking all this information in so I can best give my input. I can’t even forbid him, so I jUst need be there for him. Unfortunately, these younger men are of age, and I can’t tell them NO!
The hard part is trying to figure out the best way to say just what your are saying, and not get shut out, because you know, parents don’t know anything…
Well perhaps you can approach it from a financial liability perspective. Someone would have to prove that they are trustworthy, and able to carry their own debts before you would get involved with them in any financial situation or obligations. My heart goes out to you, and I hope the best for the situation… For all involved
Forgiving, imo, doesn't mean fraternizing. You are the older, more experienced person and it makes sense for you to guide your son, the much younger and less experienced person in this situation. If this is what your heart is telling you, than it's likely the Holy Spirit speaking to you. I'd heed the warning. Just my 2 cents.
This is where I would definitely be drawing a line.
If they right eye offend thee, pluck it out. And if you run with the dogs exspect to get some flees. Not your responsibility to baby sit or appease anyone . Look after you and yours first. Tell him to stay away and have a talk with your kid. Bad company
Go with your gut feeling...it's your intuition talking and you need to listen to it.
I agree! Listen to your instincts. Will pray for your son!
I think you are right, and That is why I’m torn. I’m just not sure how to navigate the situation. Especially since when my husband and I travel, either our son or the “white sheep” brother take care of the houseplants and small creatures on our property.
I’m going to just trust God - forgive like Him, love like Jesus. And pray for the best.
Is it gut instinct, or parental fear? Do you know every detail of the crime he went away for? Do you know what he has done with his time in prison (work, classes, visits with pastor, etc)? How much do you know about his post-prison goals?
Maybe those answers will help you.
I think of these things because I know a convicted felon who was only guilty of being in the wrong place at the wrong time with a person he thought was a friend, who he never should of trusted. And now he's spending the rest of his life judged by a label.
I guess to really answer your question “gut instinct or parental fear”… It is definitely gut instinct.. and that is where I am so confused about trying to guide my son in the ways of living and forgiveness, yet not being involved. And just by association, we are involved, and that makes me very uncomfortable :-/
That kinda sounds like my son’s friend. I really never would have expected any of the kind of exploits from him that he was involved with - and just want to think it was all by chance…
But then again, I don’t trust anyone anymore …
I would say that the situation as it is is such as yours. That is why I am so confused. I am taking all anons input to help me form my own understanding at this point.
I want to say “such and such person” can’t come to the house. To protect us. But I used to make them breakfast and lunches and dinners? …
How can one person go so wrong on the path, especially being brought up in a solid, religious way, while the other brother didn’t?
This decision (whether to say something and not allow him in our home) is breaking my heart 😢