He's nearly 21 and has never had a job. He wakes up every morning eager to do something but never follows through on any plans he makes. One minute he was all amped up about residential pest mitigation and the next he wants to be an inspector for local rivers and help clean up debris... I am honestly frustrated, he won't cook or clean let alone help with our financial struggles.
I really love him with every inch of my heart and soul but I don't know how to get him to contribute more or be more independent. I really don't want to kick him out but I don't think it's fair for him to contribute nothing to our relationship.
I'd really appreciate any thoughts or advice from my frens.
Edit: thank you all for your advice about my dog, I'll see if I can get him to cook but there's no way I'm letting him join the military. He kept that squirrel and neighbors cat out of the yard so I think I'll take him down to the river to fetch sticks.
Edit 2: I have found my kid employment, he is now wrangling small unicorns for work.
To be completely honest, it starts with you. Your Son is like this because you have enabled it. He didn't get this way overnight, you have allowed him to be this way. Had you made better decisions in regards to discipline and expectations earlier in his life you would not be here asking for advice. You need to make fundemental changes in your approach to him or else nothing changes.
Whatever plan you come up with, you need to stick to it and be consistent. No wavering or waffling. I'm not suggesting you get mean with him, I'm saying that if you give him expectations, deadlines and potential consequences that you stick to it. If you say it, mean it and follow through.
I'm sorry if this comes across as demeaning, it's not my intention. I have personally witnessed what happens when parents let their kids get away with too much. My younger brother is a lost cause because of it.
Some here have suggested tough love. All I'm suggesting is a little tough love towards yourself might be a good place to start.
Good Luck and Take Care.
He's actually adopted and I've provided for him since he was an adolescent, he's actually showed great improvement in my home but just hasn't quite figured out how to really give back to society and life.
I am going to say this because you asked for help and I truly believe you sincerely want the help. I am looking through the advice you have been given and your responses come off defensive. You are defending the situation, your actions and his at every turn. This is called enabling. I highly recommend ab al anon meeting just so that you can understand yout own pattern of enabling.
Ok, understood. While my statement was written with the assumption that this was your biological child, I do still think that having rules, limitations, expectations and consequences for actions/inactions needs to happen as long as he is in your home and you are providing for him. As much as anything, you want to prepare him for life on his own.
I am not ready for him to have a life that doesn't involve me. I care too much to let him go completely.