Hi GAW, its taken me a while to write this, its hard not to write paragraph after paragraph.
But I really need prayers. I've been trying to leave an abusive relationship for months now, but, whenever I would try, my partner would have full blown CPTSD flashbacks and strobbing, full mental breakdowns, and then have side effects for days after (he has Catholic priest trauma, the main reason I never just up and left cold turkey).
But now he is homeless, and living with me and my family (I am legally disabled, so I was staying with my family until I got my backpay to get back on my feet, and being with him has drained all of it. So now we are BOTH living with my parents and siblings)
Its gotten to the point where he is having full blown seizures every day, can not work anymore, and he's become more abusive than ever, leading me to self harm, which has actually caused him to become even MORE abusive(this isn't even mentioning his AI hallucination work..).
I would have left him on the spot, but I was trying to get him set up with a place before I left him, because he has a daughter he only sees every other weekend, so I don't want to leave him homeless, without a job, having seizures, and no way to see his daughter.. But..
He truly has been a horrible person to me, is completely ungrateful, wants me to abandon my family that has constantly helped us and given us money, and this isn't even going over how he has, multiple times, had massive screaming fits at me, that Trump is controlled opposition, Q is controlled opposition, and I'm stupid if I think any of this is real, and that Trump is orchestrating his family, to inherit whatever is left of the Earth, after he destroys it.
I see no good way out of this, that isn't by the grace of God, and God's hand working it out, so I ask for your prayers that I'm able to leave this relationship, with minimal fallout. Thank you GAW. This is truly the only place I feel safe and sane.
Prayers up.
If you can swing it…get counseling asap. Find one who specializes in abuse. Lots of over-the-phone therapists nowadays. Many therapists have openings for low income and will work with you. Or get counseling at church.
One thing they will teach you is…you are not responsible for another’s life, choices, reactions or behaviors. Forgive me for being harsh…but you say he is leading you to self harm. Stop it now. Do you think God wants you to stay in an abusive relationship? Do you think God wants you to hurt yourself because of it?
You see no way out of this but the grace of God. Sometimes the grace of God comes in the form of a therapist or doctor or pastor. You can’t “save” him…especially while he’s actively trying to drown you. You need help. Get some.
Thank you, even if you feel your words are harsh, they are firm, and I understand.
Cousneling has been a big sticking point between us. He has told me repeatedly he won't "let me break up with him", if I don't go to therapy, but he has repeatedly told me to "keep my name out of your mouth" if I do go to counseling. He has claimed he's open to couple's counseling, but wants one he "trusts", but we conveniently don't have the money for it now.
I'll look into some phone or online based ones. I can't drive with my disability, so I'm pretty homebound and unable to go to church most of the time, unfortunately. It's why I value online communities like this.
I appreciate it, I have a few numbers for some help lines, it's just getting the courage to call them. Thank you🫂
Just a note on this. Joint counselling is something to be wary of in an abusive relationship. Abusers sometimes abuse this process. If you look for counsellors it might be better to go alone.
Mine picked the fight with me on the way to the counselor so I was upset when we got there.So he could say, how overly emotional I was. You ain't lyin.
The tell is him saying "he won't let you". Does he control you? Sure sounds like it. But that can only happen if you let him. In truth, you have the power to say no. You also have the power to seek a court order against him. Your excuse is you're waiting to make his life better. Face it, that will never happen. The truth is you're scared shitless of what he might do. All the more reason to seek a protection from abuse order. You're a victim of your own inaction. Quit fooling yourself thinking there is something for you in a continued relationship, or for him. The quicker it's made clear to him that it's over the better. You might be disabled but you're not without recourse.