Oh lord help me lol.
Quick Background: HR hires em', then sends them to my account.
What Happened: So today I was in for a treat apparently. My new employee has arrived and I tell her where to go on the phone.
In walks a obvious lesbian, hair with homemade dyes of every color of the rainbow, pants baggier than most street kids and I'm not even kidding, an overwhelming smell of cat piss.
My underling who knows I'm based AF choked on his coffee and made a quick exit to his office and left me stranded to welcome this new employee lmao.
I'm not even kidding you guys, when we sat down to do paperwork, holy crap this was a shit show. EVERY single page had it's rounds, but the more notable ones I can remember were:
-Social Security #: "I don't want to give you it because it's a capitalist's tracking device."
-$1 a month to a well known Charity we do annual donations to: She marks "no". I ask why: "Your company makes millions of dollars a year and they can donate if they care so much, way more helpful than my dollar."
-Paid Holidays: She freaking crossed out Thanksgiving and wrote Indeginous People's Day
Guys lol, wish me luck on this one! I think I'm going to need it and A LOT of patience.
Fire the dumb bitch, stupidity has consequences.
Unfortunately it almost takes an act of congress to get fired at my job. I'm in a line if work that is severely hurting for more employees. All terminations have to get approved by HR which is only after A LOT of progressive discipline.
shes going to destroy your office environment and make everyone less productive.
The office cancer. Seen it many times.
ya, my companied hired a "they," and productive conversations cannot be had until the bowing to "they" and discussion of admiration for "they." And i work in medical. Clown world.
Be as open as you can about your views. Be her fascist capitalistic boogeyman.
That just gets him in hr sights
Ugh. In descending order, the most harmful, useless, and idiotic groups in any moderately sized organization:
HR - almost always predominantly women. Usually a higher concentration of black women, absolute lefty women,, and gay men.
Communications: again, women domiminate. Lefty mentality is nearly a given. Essentially marketing, but as org propaganda.
Marketing: again, almost all white women and gay men. (Real, effective marketing is usually done by outside agencies). Basically communications, but by extroverts.
(Exceptions prove the rule)
Nay, be the Baba Yaga in this, boogeymen abound... 😁
Put up a poster of TRUMP in your office
I had one of these. Kicked her off my job site cause the Injun kid didn't want to fuck her, and then again when she freaked out on the Injun kid. She never did get fired, she just stopped coming to work. Then about 3 months later I was on a job and she came at me with a crowbar, and I had to get STD tested cause I ended up getting bitten while restraining her.
Luckily Im 99.999% confident she only bats for her own team on that front. But thanks....you've really given me a lot to prepare for lmao!!
Bisexuality for those types are the in thing.
No problem, you've always got to watch out for that crowbar coming for the back of your head when dealing with mental patients on the loose on a construction site lol.
Homosexuality is a mental illness
Fire yourself. Kek. I’m sure they already have her on the short list to replace you anyways. Let that place fail, your talents are useful elsewhere I’m sure!
I never had a problem firing people as long as I kept my documentation up and made sure to treat all employees equally.
And who knows? She may really want a job and do everything she can to keep it, in spite of her personal beliefs.
She crossed out thanksgiving and put Indian day i highly doubt that will be the case
Cat pee on clothes, first day....no. Even she could smell it and shop at a thrift store, use a laundry mat etc etc.
“Hi, let me offend you with sickening odor! Let’s get to work...”
I suggest you, claim allergies and request it shows sensitivity to your needs!!