He's nearly 21 and has never had a job. He wakes up every morning eager to do something but never follows through on any plans he makes. One minute he was all amped up about residential pest mitigation and the next he wants to be an inspector for local rivers and help clean up debris... I am honestly frustrated, he won't cook or clean let alone help with our financial struggles.
I really love him with every inch of my heart and soul but I don't know how to get him to contribute more or be more independent. I really don't want to kick him out but I don't think it's fair for him to contribute nothing to our relationship.
I'd really appreciate any thoughts or advice from my frens.
Edit: thank you all for your advice about my dog, I'll see if I can get him to cook but there's no way I'm letting him join the military. He kept that squirrel and neighbors cat out of the yard so I think I'll take him down to the river to fetch sticks.
Edit 2: I have found my kid employment, he is now wrangling small unicorns for work.
Ok, you asked... Set deadlines. Employed within 2 months. After 1 month employed he starts contributing a set amount in cash to you for % of util and house cost and food. Warn him that if he fails to do either of these things, he will be required to find a different place to live within 60 days of failing do what you require. Put it in writing, both sign it and date it and get it notarized. Free service where you bank. Make sure the paperwork states specific % of his net earnings you require receiving monthly. Give him a photocopy of the papers. Tell him you feel disrespected and taken for granted and that you are not willing to continue the way it is. Tell him you accept responsibility for coddling and spoiling him and now you have to yank off the bandaid. Remember, you teach people how to treat you, and you need to correct what you have allowed. I have grown kids. I know your concerns. I understand the conflicting feelings. Help you son be an adult man instead of a weak dependent man-child. Personal accountability must be learned. Good luck. Stay strong in spite of anger or sulking or anxiety. He doesn't have to earn a lot of money. This exercise is about fairness and responsibility. He can do menial labor and still dream of better things. If he is vaxxed, learn the ways to correct the damage. Get some "Mood +" supplement from Amazon. It'll help a lot. Read ALL the reviews!
I tell him every day that he is a burden and he doesn't care... or about money. He's got no problem eating my food and using up my resources however.
The time to train him was 20 years ago. Now you're going to have to create a crisis for him if you are going to force him to grow up. Maybe he'd like to join the military? They'd help him figure out what he wants to do.
He's actually adopted, I didn't have much say in his upbringing. The military won't take him.
I am guessing you have some experience with different social service programs. There are job programs for young people who have disabilities.