My mom went to Heaven on 2/10 of this year and my dad is struggling. We have strong faith in God and Jesus. When my sister died in 1995 my parents and I tried one session of grief therapy and it was very sad and dismal. The hospice people that cared for mom have called him to see if he needs counseling but he doesn’t want to be in a group setting. I think he’ll be okay but should I try to reach out to other widowers? How would I do that?
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My father put her photo frame on her spot and talked to her throughout the day. I even did it when I came over. She’s an angel and looking over you all. She’s there spiritually. We talked about her often and looked at photo albums. It’s not something to get over, but to live with. When I would ask what he wanted for dinner, he would say I don’t know. Then I would ask what would mom want? He would tell me, and that’s what we would have. One night the lights flickered. We laughed. I said what is Mom trying to tell us? Dad said, it’s time to take the trash out. My point being, this isn’t a time to forget....it’s a time to remember and celebrate.
This is so sweet. I wish I had done this with my Dad. God bless you!
Dear Lord, please help FellowTrumpster's Dad and all who loved FellowTrumpster's Mom. Comfort them as only you can. Send them the people, resources, & ideas for dealing with their loss that can be as simple as a picture of the loved one you can talk to. Bless Chandler15 for offering such a wonderful idea. Strengthen them all with your presence, draw them to your promise of Salvation in Christ Jesus, and fill them with your peace. In Jesus' Holy name, Amen.
Do you see your dad often?
Does he go to church?
Perhaps all he needs is for someone like yourself to be there for him.
Can you think of a string of excuses to spend time with him over the next month? Just knowing you're going to see him once or twice a week will keep him looking after himself rather than allowing himself to become isolated.
I'd start with talking to your dad about whether he feels he needs any help. He might not feel comfortable in a support group, and if that's the case you wouldn't need to look for one. Maybe he'd feel better getting involved in a senior center or doing something that helps others. You might even discover that the two of you talking about it is really all he needs.
My advice to him is to:
As long as both your parents belong to Christ, there is nothing to fear. Paul wrote, "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." This means your mother is in the presence of eternal bliss and love. She is waiting for your father to join her in his time. We cannot choose the day of our departure from this world, but we know it's not goodbye, just "see you later."
One of my favorite Bible passages is John 14: Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
Verses 13, 14: 13 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
14 If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.
Ask the Lord to comfort your father, and ask that the Lord would send suitable companions in his time of grief. There are probably many widows and widowers in the churches, and larger churches have a lot of study groups, prayer groups and other support groups. The Lord will heal your father's sorrow. I'm sorry for your loss, and I pray for your family's healing. Blessings in Christ.
Thank you so very much
Hey there fellow Pede. Lost both of my parents. Something I learned was that statistics say that after one parent goes the next one follows within five years. I called BS. Mom followed Dad five years and three months later. Mom had her church and church friends to support her (hopefully your Dad has the same - if not hopefully a hobby that both of you can do or connect with another group). Hell, my Mom even got a boyfriend - he was a Democrat so it didn’t last! Dad was 28 years Navy and 15 years Defense Industry… so yeah that was short lived. Start a routine- Called her everyday at 6 pm…if I had to do it over again I would have moved her into my house. Our society does not have the infrastructure to support the elderly- if a loved one is admitted to a Skilled Nursing Facility say your good byes! They rarely come out alive - don’t get me started on the six bed facilities. Good luck to you and Dad and prayers to you and the family during this time.🐸🍀
May your beloved mother rest in peace. Now she's with her daughter, your sister. 🙏✝️
Everyone is different, but it seems early on in the grieving stage to be trying to talk to strangers. Does he have any siblings or other family members who could come for a visit with him or even a good friend? If he has a priest/pastor/minister he's familiar with that might be a good idea. Just talking to you, I'm sure, is very comforting to him.
The advice I give to people who have recently lost a loved one is to not focus on the painful last days (or weeks or months), but on the entire rest of their lives - all the connections, laughter, love, kindness, even the challenges faced. He and your mom had a lot of life together - some serious heartache, yes, but also joy and happiness through the years.
I have no knowledge of support groups for this, but might I suggest you send him a daily or even periodic uplifting scripture passage? The bible can be true source of comfort.
My sympathies to you and your beloved father on the passing of your dear mother.
Check with your local hospital for grief counseling in a one-on-one setting,
sorry to hear about your mom.
grief is a essentially a brain injury, and it takes about 5 months for that to heal.
think about how we treat a broken bone. we keep it secure until the bone knits itself back together. after it's healed, it needs rehab to regain strength and mobility. it's a similar process in grief. also the family/community must knit itself back together too, as there is a broken link in the network.
in the old days people wore some item or garment signaling to the community they were in grief. it served a purpose, similar to wearing a cast for a broken bone -- everyone can see, and accommodate the injury. we don't have that today. we expect people to grieve in a way that makes us feel better. we forget that about all those little hurts that happen when we take our injury outside and nobody sees we are nursing a wound. they inadvertently pat us on spot that normally would be welcome, but hitting an aching pain can send us shrieking.
grief counseling may be of help, but as your last experience showed, it may not be the thing -- and not everybody needs to talk through their feelings. what is important is to not be isolated, to be with others who know and love your mom, to maintain routines of self-maintenance. remember to honor the space as this year is filled with many "firsts" (first birthday, holiday, anniversary...) and new ways of celebrating must be found. ideally, he has friends nearby, or grandchildren. men need to be needed, so don't hesitate to ask for his help or advice, especially for the things he knows well and loves to do.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”
you and your dad are in my prayers, fren.
Thank you for your message to me
Thanks so much to all of you for your help and advice I wish I could reply to each of you individually