Welcome to General Chat - GAW Community Area
This General Chat area started off as a place for people to talk about things that are off topic, however it has quickly evolved into a community and has become an integral part of the GAW experience for many of us.
Based on its evolving needs and plenty of user feedback, we are trying to bring some order and institute some rules. Please make sure you read these rules and participate in the spirit of this community.
Rules for General Chat
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Be respectful to each other. This is of utmost importance, and comments may be removed if deemed not respectful.
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Avoid long drawn out arguments. This should be a place to relax, not to waste your time needlessly.
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Personal anecdotes, puzzles, cute pics/clips - everything welcome
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Please do not spam at the top level. If you have a lot to post each day, try and post them all together in one top level comment
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Try keep things light. If you are bringing in deep stuff, try not to go overboard.
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Things that are clearly on-topic for this board should be posted as a separate post and not here (except if you are new and still getting the feel of this place)
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If you find people violating these rules, deport them rather than start a argument here.
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Feel free to give feedback as these rules are expected to keep evoloving
In short, imagine this thread to be a local community hall where we all gather and chat daily. Please be respectful to others in the same way
I dated a bunch of narcissists. My parents both had narcissistic tendencies along with at least one sibling. They are everywhere!!!
Here is really good book on emotional abuse I have had cause to buy it for a couple of people I know.
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/289845/why-does-he-do-that-by-lundy-bancroft/
It lays out all the red flags and you will be able to translate in real time what a manipulator really means when he says things.
They do not respect boundaries, if they want you as a supply. They will do this by love bombing, telling you how wonderful you are, how you are the only one who "gets" them, will slip in things to impress you which may be hard to believe (because they are not true). They will do this in spite of the fact you may be busy, they will pull you away from whatever you are doing, to tell you they love you, to ask for a favor, to 'need " to talk, it does not matter what you are doing, they don't care about what you are doing, not one iota, but they do care that you are available to them whenever, because in their eyes, they are the most important thing that matters. If you do something to claim your own space or time, they will give you the silent treatment.They are superficial, not deep at all.They want all your time and energy.
When people love bomb from day one. This doesn't just apply to dating it applies to all types of relationships. You have to stay a little detached and ask yourself "does this person know me well enough to be making such positive judgments about me?" It's so flattering for a new boss to single you out but what you find out a few months later is that it isn't to help you it's to isolate you from others, manipulate and control you.
I have an inner sense. It was always there I just never knew I was supposed to pay attention to what my gut was saying. Just those tiny uncomfortable twinges, you have to pay attention to them.
I contend in convo with girlfriends who have gone through similar relationships that God has been preparing us all along. After all the experience with narcs we are now the Watchers on the Wall for the current culture. We spot them easily...
Sorry this isn't very specific. I could write a book but there are already plenty of books out there. Bottom line is you won't change them but you can change how you interact with them. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. They won't like that. Do it anyway.