I am sorry for that child you were that wasn't protected and nourished. I also grew up in a dysfunctional family and the abusive parent was my dad. My parents stayed together for the kids (not always a good idea). Our family of 6 argued nonstop. There were a few times we had to call the cops on my parents when the arguing escalated. I should mention my dad was a Mason and Knights of Columbus..top dog in each.
Also I have some very wonderful memories from my childhood...neighborhood children, adult neighbors that were a refuge, the church I attended where I met Jesus, school (and loving teachers) which was fantastic in the 50's and 60's, the library and our community. I am not sure these escapes are available as much today. Yet, I took away from my childhood a great sense of rejection and low self worth. Thank goodness I don't drink or do drugs or I could have used that to escape the pain. The greatest gift I received as a child was piano lessons (music) and the ability to read. Both were my escapes.
I did some counseling and I really believe I came away with three major transformative thoughts and actions. The first is that I could nourish and nurture that child that had been emotionally and mentally neglected. The second was that I could only be responsible for me, my thoughts and actions. I learned to preface statements with I feel or I think which was less confrontational. Both were helpful. Also, I wrote all my memories out and that was cathartic. I have sometimes written out things and burned them to let things go. I also used Bach Flower Remedies to heal some of the emotional scars. I was not a perfect parent but I was a heck of a lot better than mine were and God was very gracious and loving throughout my life...He is truly a shelter in the time of storm, the Rock of my salvation.
Anyway, I share this to let you and everyone know there is always hope. I hoped in Christ Jesus and he never left me or led me astray. He gave me a solid foundation that has been so meaningful my entire life. I think everyone has their own dysfunction (maybe not) because we are imperfect beings so we need to shine our lights in the darkness. Adversity develops character (sometimes bad character) but if we let it refine us we are better off for it. God bless you and your family. The "prayers of a righteous man availeth much" and I am so grateful for "prayer changes things". "God bless us every one."
Thanks for sharing, I have no children, but I try and street council people by sharing my experiences. If I speak with 100 people and only 1 changes their life for the better, it's worth it.
I think it is time for good men to put their goodness to work, we all have an ideal that was set forth in the Bible that men are to protect and be strong for their families and their wives, sisters, daughters, etc. Many other cultures still hold strong to this. I don't know too many american women who know of cases when the men in the family came to aid of a woman relative who needs to get out of a bad situation. This idea of minding ones own business in cases like this can leave a woman with kids feeling completely abandoned. Men, step up, please! In many what we call "latin" families, no one would hurt a woman, knowing that if she had brothers they would come and defend their sister. The Bible states clearly that women are to be respected and protected. I blame many things, but there is clear evidence that pornography has destroyed mens minds and attitude. There is no such thing as a woman choosing to partake in pornography as "her choice". All women who do such things are trafficked, are victims of child abuse, forced into addiction, etc. The rate of abuse has gone up along with the availability and tolerance of pornography. Calling on all men of a true heart who are committed to the Lord to come forward and to step up. It is a terrible feeling when there is nowhere to turn to. Supporting victims of abuse is not just a "womans" issue. We need heroes for this cause and it should be coming from our brothers and our fathers.
I agree. The systematic destruction of the nuclear family is more evident now than ever. And men have forgotten what it really means to be a Christian man. It's about self sacrifice in all aspects of your life, in order to lift up those around you. Sacrifice of money, sacrifice of time, sacrifice of mental energy, and even sacrifice of your own LIFE if the need arises. Jesus was here to set an example of how a perfect man should act, and even tho we aren't perfect, we should strive to be the kind of man Jesus was and is. Jesus laid down his life for those He loved. US! And we as men are expected to do the same in our daily lives. It's hard, it sucks sometimes, but without the bad, the good wouldn't be cherished or appreciated. God delights in the work of our hands and the sweat of our brow. Hard work and self sacrifice is righteous and pleasing to the Lord. Men, protect those around you and be the rock and foundation that others may build upon. Be strong, and yet be gentle so others may see your example and ask "why are you this way?" Simple answer, because that's the way Jesus was, and I learned from the best.
I just do not like the label "nuclear" family, lol. Traditional is something that describes it better. Having been a child of the 60's, Nuclear also meant gross materialism and non traditional trends. The sins of suburbia is what drove a lot of youth into disrespecting their elders and turning away from them, as so much hypocrisy existed. People stopped going to church, upward mobility replaced reverence and the church as a social gathering and support system. I speak for myself, of course. In my youth, I longed to live the Pioneer way of life, hard work, self sustaining, a loving family and community. I would have become Amish except that seemed a little too extreme, but I was attracted to the humble living and devotion to scripture.
I can understand your reasoning lol. And yeah the older I get the more I appreciate a humble living. I used to wanna "move mountains" and be somebody. Now I'm happy where I'm at. I'm nobody really and that's okay with me! Sometimes I get discouraged with where I'm at in life, but I just remind myself that I'm exactly where God wants me to be at this point in time. There's few things more honorable than raising a family that loves the good Lord! Blessings my fren 😁
Yeah I lived this. Was like being hit by a freight train and even the people I loved just walked on by. There is no help for men in this situation either.
Men are abused as well. My dad did. He tried to keep the family together but he should have cut his losses and left years before he did.I encouraged him to go and that we would go with him(which was unheard of at the time), he threatened my mom he would take her to court for us. She didn’t believe him. He was the victor, but not before the court put us kids through hell. I was the oldest and strongest and we won.My mom never forgave me for that. People have no idea what they put their kids through.
I am sorry for that child you were that wasn't protected and nourished. I also grew up in a dysfunctional family and the abusive parent was my dad. My parents stayed together for the kids (not always a good idea). Our family of 6 argued nonstop. There were a few times we had to call the cops on my parents when the arguing escalated. I should mention my dad was a Mason and Knights of Columbus..top dog in each.
Also I have some very wonderful memories from my childhood...neighborhood children, adult neighbors that were a refuge, the church I attended where I met Jesus, school (and loving teachers) which was fantastic in the 50's and 60's, the library and our community. I am not sure these escapes are available as much today. Yet, I took away from my childhood a great sense of rejection and low self worth. Thank goodness I don't drink or do drugs or I could have used that to escape the pain. The greatest gift I received as a child was piano lessons (music) and the ability to read. Both were my escapes.
I did some counseling and I really believe I came away with three major transformative thoughts and actions. The first is that I could nourish and nurture that child that had been emotionally and mentally neglected. The second was that I could only be responsible for me, my thoughts and actions. I learned to preface statements with I feel or I think which was less confrontational. Both were helpful. Also, I wrote all my memories out and that was cathartic. I have sometimes written out things and burned them to let things go. I also used Bach Flower Remedies to heal some of the emotional scars. I was not a perfect parent but I was a heck of a lot better than mine were and God was very gracious and loving throughout my life...He is truly a shelter in the time of storm, the Rock of my salvation.
Anyway, I share this to let you and everyone know there is always hope. I hoped in Christ Jesus and he never left me or led me astray. He gave me a solid foundation that has been so meaningful my entire life. I think everyone has their own dysfunction (maybe not) because we are imperfect beings so we need to shine our lights in the darkness. Adversity develops character (sometimes bad character) but if we let it refine us we are better off for it. God bless you and your family. The "prayers of a righteous man availeth much" and I am so grateful for "prayer changes things". "God bless us every one."
Thanks for sharing, I have no children, but I try and street council people by sharing my experiences. If I speak with 100 people and only 1 changes their life for the better, it's worth it.
God uses a lot of tools from His toolbox.
Yes He does. All He needs is people who are willing to be used.
I think it is time for good men to put their goodness to work, we all have an ideal that was set forth in the Bible that men are to protect and be strong for their families and their wives, sisters, daughters, etc. Many other cultures still hold strong to this. I don't know too many american women who know of cases when the men in the family came to aid of a woman relative who needs to get out of a bad situation. This idea of minding ones own business in cases like this can leave a woman with kids feeling completely abandoned. Men, step up, please! In many what we call "latin" families, no one would hurt a woman, knowing that if she had brothers they would come and defend their sister. The Bible states clearly that women are to be respected and protected. I blame many things, but there is clear evidence that pornography has destroyed mens minds and attitude. There is no such thing as a woman choosing to partake in pornography as "her choice". All women who do such things are trafficked, are victims of child abuse, forced into addiction, etc. The rate of abuse has gone up along with the availability and tolerance of pornography. Calling on all men of a true heart who are committed to the Lord to come forward and to step up. It is a terrible feeling when there is nowhere to turn to. Supporting victims of abuse is not just a "womans" issue. We need heroes for this cause and it should be coming from our brothers and our fathers.
We had a whole church pull together and get a lady out of a situation of abuse, so some are doing it.
I agree. The systematic destruction of the nuclear family is more evident now than ever. And men have forgotten what it really means to be a Christian man. It's about self sacrifice in all aspects of your life, in order to lift up those around you. Sacrifice of money, sacrifice of time, sacrifice of mental energy, and even sacrifice of your own LIFE if the need arises. Jesus was here to set an example of how a perfect man should act, and even tho we aren't perfect, we should strive to be the kind of man Jesus was and is. Jesus laid down his life for those He loved. US! And we as men are expected to do the same in our daily lives. It's hard, it sucks sometimes, but without the bad, the good wouldn't be cherished or appreciated. God delights in the work of our hands and the sweat of our brow. Hard work and self sacrifice is righteous and pleasing to the Lord. Men, protect those around you and be the rock and foundation that others may build upon. Be strong, and yet be gentle so others may see your example and ask "why are you this way?" Simple answer, because that's the way Jesus was, and I learned from the best.
I just do not like the label "nuclear" family, lol. Traditional is something that describes it better. Having been a child of the 60's, Nuclear also meant gross materialism and non traditional trends. The sins of suburbia is what drove a lot of youth into disrespecting their elders and turning away from them, as so much hypocrisy existed. People stopped going to church, upward mobility replaced reverence and the church as a social gathering and support system. I speak for myself, of course. In my youth, I longed to live the Pioneer way of life, hard work, self sustaining, a loving family and community. I would have become Amish except that seemed a little too extreme, but I was attracted to the humble living and devotion to scripture.
I can understand your reasoning lol. And yeah the older I get the more I appreciate a humble living. I used to wanna "move mountains" and be somebody. Now I'm happy where I'm at. I'm nobody really and that's okay with me! Sometimes I get discouraged with where I'm at in life, but I just remind myself that I'm exactly where God wants me to be at this point in time. There's few things more honorable than raising a family that loves the good Lord! Blessings my fren 😁
God bless <3
God bless you as well fren! 😁
Great comments.
Unfortunately, even when you get out early, there's still plenty of damage.
It's the same for men in abusive relationships, except they get made fun of, so they have extreme pressure coming from multiple angles.
Yeah I lived this. Was like being hit by a freight train and even the people I loved just walked on by. There is no help for men in this situation either.
That's why men are better off abstaining from relationships of all kinds.
Men are abused as well. My dad did. He tried to keep the family together but he should have cut his losses and left years before he did.I encouraged him to go and that we would go with him(which was unheard of at the time), he threatened my mom he would take her to court for us. She didn’t believe him. He was the victor, but not before the court put us kids through hell. I was the oldest and strongest and we won.My mom never forgave me for that. People have no idea what they put their kids through.
Sounds like your mom was the problem.
Doh!
They refuse to choose a good man, women love criminals
My sister told me nice guys are boring, chip off of mom's block. Kek