Had to read this a few times to get my head right this morning... Stay strong and hold the line frensđ¸
(media.greatawakening.win)
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20 years clean. I know this well. It helped carry me through an interesting journey. Thanks for the reminder.
God bless you!
My husband still struggles but is back in intensive outpatient and doing well. Hard to keep to the one day at a time for me. It's been a lot of days that turn into years, and what I like to call sucker punches. Just when you get comfortable that you might get some peace and normal - BOOM. Then you start wondering how many do overs can you withstand? Do we just do overs until we are dead?
Some personalities thrive on chaos. Sometimes you can support the healing of loved ones better from afar rather then in the trenches with them. Really just ends up making you crazy too.
So odd you should choose the word chaos. I say all the time I just can't do the chaos anymore. I do think from a distance is going to be the game plan for the foreseeable future. It has been six months of living separately and I am sad sometimes but more at peace than I have been in years.
It is sad and hard but now you get to see who you are. When we are busy trying to save another we get lost in the shuffle. I really think that's where much of the sadness comes from. Look inside and ask how you can now support yourself. Once you get that down you can support others...from your base of strength and joy not out of their insanity.
Thanks for your comments they really resonate. It hasn't always been fabulous to say the least, but being on my own for a little while really does give you time to reflect. And makes me much less angry with him which is helpful for both of us I think. We shall see.
That was me, so tired of living in fear from his drunk rages. I had to leave, but there was little love left. In hindsight best decision I made, even after the financial crisis it put me in. He fell and broke his leg when drunk, then broke it again! Dodged a bullet for sure
Same here Dolly. Fourty years of constant chaos. I decided I'd had enough a couple of months before he was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. I walked out of the hospital and told God that the divorce was off the table. That I would see him through to wellness or death which ever came and that I would do it with glad heart. Death came 4 months later. I've never been so much at peace and very grateful for it. So glad that you have finally gained peace for yourself. Sometimes we have to walk away or risk going down the drain with them.
We spent 13 years after that running an addiction recovery ministry. I see things a TON differently now. Although I was an empathetic soul back then, now I am a more "understanding" person. I believe now that our world has so attacked some people, their brains just cannot cope with reality. We are not who God designed us to be. We have been poisoned from day 1. Poisoned chemically, our minds poisoned with lies, natural cures and supplements have been withheld, our food has been dicked with, our water is poison. Our bodies and minds have to hijacked by evil. However, some people have a very 6th sense, very "sensitive" peeps, many cannot explain it & try to push the opposite (be oblivious & hard), They know that the world is just jacked and they cannot explain it or cope with it. I am in NO WAY excusing the behavior, but my best advise is to treat it as a war for your husbands soul. You and God against the world and evil. Your husband wants what is right, otherwise he would not stay in the fight and go to outpatient. He just can't find his way to the other side. Hang in there. I know it tough, especially right now. IMHO, if HE (&you) can make it to the other side of this movie, he will be fine. God bless you and I will pray that Dolly's husband finds his way to the light.
Thanks for your comment and your prayers. He had a much rougher life in some ways growing up than I did that's for sure. But empathy and understanding can be a slippery slope. Trying not to go down with the ship. We talk every day and he tells me how he's doing. It's easier to be supportive from a distance for sure. I am taking it one day at a time but can't say it's always easy.
Amen, you nailed it.
The Serenity Prayer has carried me through some difficult times. Knowing the difference is the challenge. I once was fired from a job where I knew I had zero chance of changing the way it was run, but I decided to not go along to get a long.
Just to give you an idea of what I was up against, the day after the 2016 election the Divisionâs top manager was walking around the company moaning about Trump being elected to anyone and everyone.
I thought a long time about why I persevered when I knew I couldnât change things there. Why couldnât I practice the Serenity Prayer and accept things as they were? It finally hit me that the thing I had accepted that could not and would not change was me.
This is INTEGRITY
I had a very similar experience 14 years ago. It's hard sometimes being stubborn and not giving in. Looking back on it, I'm not sure what was gained by fighting when I should have just moved on.
I agree. My independent streak at that moment was tempered by some family issues. Once my youngest was out of the house I did move on.
"Happiness" over deep satisfaction resulting from wholesome endeavor in service to eternity is a cop out that appeals to the psychologically/spiritually immature.
Needed to be said but will be hated by many.
I have my own version of this prayer that I've said for many years.
God, grant me the strength to change what I can.
God, grant me the patience to accept the things I can't change.
And God, grant me luck so that I don't fuck up too often.
Amen!
Dear Lord, please help me to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
Love the serenity prayer đĽš