Let them live there, but they must really help in the home. Laundry, meal planinng, cooking, yard work, put in a garden. There is a great deal they both could do that contributes to the wellbeing of the household. This is up their wheelhouse, learning productive stuff. Can your son do an oil change? Your daughter likes to crochet, she could do family mending. Expand your thinking. Sounds like your daughter wants to be a traditional wife. But she needs the skills to go with it. If they can’t work at home make them volunteer for like the local gleaners organization or another non-profit. Your house, your rules. As for you, red pill them everyday. Teach them to be patriots. Are you a person of faith? Start teaching them what will trully give them the confidence in life.
You wanna know how many parents would KILL for this opportunity you have right now?
First, tell any thoughts or neighbors or "friends" trying to whisper shame into your ear for letting your kids live at home to piss right off. Traditionally, children never left home. Traditionally, whether nomadic or stagnant, families stick together. Our bullshit modern society taught us to kick our offspring out as soon as they reach a certain number. Why? So that they can go buy more shit that they don't actually need and become bogged down and miserable like your daughter claimed.
But now... your daughter is at home and has a lot of home making skills. Cultivate that! Have her consider selling some of her hand crafts. As for your son, keep cultivating his skills, but you and Yours should see this as an opportunity to BOLSTER your household and you all need to stick together as a family to survive the system.
My wife and I live with her dad. We also work part time. We also make time to spend with family and help contribute to the household. Everyone is happy and our spirits are elevated and everyone gets along just fine. Will my wife and I get out own house? Why do we have to? We have room and board provided. If we have kids, we'll find a way to make it work.
The point is, the whole buying a house and having kids = success is really just one person's idea for success. We aren't all required to agree with that. You still have healthy relationships with your children. We get one shot at this life. Even if you believe in the concept of eternity, how you experience this life is one and done. Make memories with your kids especially since they ended up coming back. Your children seem like decent people and they don't hate you. Congratulations, you won parenthood. Now it's time to be more of a mentor.
The hard part is that you must lead by example. Your sincerity and dedication to faith must be authentic. Young people have a way of seeing through things. You should start going yourself. Sharing your experience in deepening your faith.
The first job out of college sucks. It's a slap in the face to everything you learned in college basically and the living style you had. Entering large POs for 8 hours a day at a small company certainly was NOT what I expected. Needless to say, I found the "real world" extremely slow and that job didn't last long. It wasn't until I applied for a job a couple weeks later I thought I wouldn't even have a chance of getting, and that's when Accounting found me. Hey, those POs at my last place actually did something afterall. They need to be searching for Jobs. No ifs ands or buts. Get a LinkedIn account. There are so many recruiters on there. Apply apply apply. Not every company is the same. Tell your son to walk into the local music shop and ask for an application in person. It's about finding a job that they want to strive in that will benefit them to the next step. Life is not easy, it never was, nor will it ever be. That's what vacations are for and I recommend you take one if you can. It's about working towards something knowing it's helping others for your benefit as well. That is what "work" really is. It's not about "being a slave". That is the worst mentality you can have. It's about the natural life of living and what it means to be apart of making others lives better in some way. Attitude goes a long way. Once they find the right job, their lives will start to shape up. Don't let them be lazy about it.
Yeah ha, well what I meant is that most college schedules are 2-3 classes a day where you can sleep in and have time in-between to go back to your dorm/apartment and chill with friends and study or whatever. These classes teach theory and upper level management concepts you won't use in a entry level job. Only to graduate and go into work for 8 hours a day with little breaks, no friends, your asking yourself why you went to college to do basic work like entering in POs all day. On top of that, the salary expectations are way off, most kids think they'll make 80k after graduation but really start off at 40k and can barely get by. This can be tough on the psyche and does take about 2 years to transition or "get broken in" to the real world schedule of work. I know exactly how it feels.
I left college before I graduated and my brother encouraged me to go to Kelly Services (I bet they don't exist anymore. It was a temp agency.) - but any good local temp agency will do - and the good thing about temp jobs is that some of them are temp-to-hire so they can try you and you can try them before they hire you. Some temp jobs are short, some are longer, some are permanent. It might be a good thing for both your children to try different things AND since it's temp work, they can literally walk away from it if they hate it. No stress or pressure to stay.
Necessity is the mother of invention. They're only going to talk about gardening and occasionally pay for shit if you allow this behavior. Act like a head of your house... you are in charge correct?
Cook only enough for you and your wife, give them the gas/electric bill and ask them what they think is a fair portion to pay. Hand her some seeds and shovel and tell her to contribute instead of talk about it.
My best friend and I would still be living together to this day if he hadn't fallen in love. In 6 years I can count on one hand how many times he did the dishes... I swear he was allergic to doing dishes but I always had my laundry folded and on my bed whenever I'd forget and I can't count on my fingers and toes how many times he loaned me money.
You ain't gotta be perfect but you do have to give more than you receive to make the world better. They'll just keep taking instead of giving. Even at the most elemental biological growth only happens... I don't want to lift weights but my muscles grow when they're uncomfortable and ripped to shreds by me. That doesn't mean I hate my body for making it uncomfortable and testing it's capabilities it actually means I care more.
Do you want a fat gut on your lazy children? Do you want them dumb and lazy? Beat them at chess, grow a better garden and keep track of who lost at penny poker. Remind them you produced more lettuce, remind them you're eating crab and steak because you earned something by making yourself uncomfortable and they can go grill up a chicken after they pluck it... hand them the chicken and knife.
Make them uncomfortable or they're never going to grow... the art of being a parent is doing so in such a style that they can't deny you love them.
I see what you mean by this, but I disagree. Yes, being a stay-at-home mom means putting your children's needs first. This may sound like a "bad" thing because you won't have time to draw butterflies, take long baths, watch youtube videos all day, etc. Instead your days are filled with meaning and higher purpose. I am a stay-at-home mom of 3. I homeschool them and take them to all their extra-curriculars (dance, soccer, piano, etc.). I rarely have time for myself, but I have never been happier in my life. Funny how that is. I feel like many childless women are depressed because they lack a higher purpose. And what's the point in even trying in life if you lack any purpose?
Perhaps I used the wrong words. In saying, "You life is not your own", I was merely saying that a stay at home mother is not free to kick up her heels and do as she likes. It may be though that the things which she likes, are the things that center around the well being of her husband, and of the family, , as was the case with my mom.
I'm sure I cannot paint with words a true picture of my mother, but I will do my best.
My mother was very happy, all of her life, but more than happy, as she put it, she was content, always content. I think in her mind, being in a state of discontent put her in conflict with her faith in Jesus Christ. Sure one could fall into a state of discontent, but remaining in that state very long, was a sign of lack of faith in the promises of God obtained through knowing the word, and through prayer.
"If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you." John 15:7
She viewed "happiness" as a condition of circumstances, but true contentment as something that was independent of ones circumstances, and she lived a life that proved out her unshakable faith. I never saw it waver, not one time, not for one second, even in the most trying times, and I learned of many times when faith was the only thing that sustained her and my dad, the family though some tough times. My grandmother was the same kind of woman. Stories were told around the dinner table, so to speak, of my grandmother's faith, and my mothers.
Regrettably, it was me, more than once, that put my mother in desperate conditions where her faith was tested, and under which her faith was proven for all to see.
Example: I was in a head on collision. Doctors did not expect me to live. Yet when my mother arrived at the hospital, all were amazed at her calm and composed demeanor, her since of assurance that I would live, that all would be well.
Obviously I did live, and despite my hip being broken in 10 places, my knees cut up, and a serious concussion, after a month long hospital stay, in four months I was jump starting from a pair of crutches, off the river bank with a waters ski.
During my month long hospital stay, I had many visitors. I heard some of them speak in amazement of how my mother throughout the entire ordeal seemed never in a state of worry. Latter during my recovery, and after hearing other speak of this, I spoke to my mom about it.
After my accident, the police called my dad. My dad drove home and told my mother. My mom said when she got the news, she fell apart, the thought of her baby, I was the youngest of five, critically injured, at deaths door was more than she could handle. She told me that she prayed, told God, "Lord, this is more than I can handle, I am turning this over to you. Your will be done." And at that point she says that that piece beyond understanding described in Philippians 4:7, came over her. The tempest upon which she had been tossed becalmed as though Jesus commanded the raging storm within her, "Piece, be still".
This is only one of the examples where my mothers faith was by trial, weighed in the balance, and proved the measure of it's worth.
This is why my mom was able to find contentment in all situations, because she understood that no matter what the circumstances, when she did all she could do, the rest was in Gods hands.
No reason your two ADULT children can't at least work part time and contribute to the financial burden nor should they have a free pass in the house. All fine and dandy to decide adulting is too much, but that just dumps extra adulting on you and your spouse, which is not right. And yes, I have two adult children - 33 and 24
Let them live there, but they must really help in the home. Laundry, meal planinng, cooking, yard work, put in a garden. There is a great deal they both could do that contributes to the wellbeing of the household. This is up their wheelhouse, learning productive stuff. Can your son do an oil change? Your daughter likes to crochet, she could do family mending. Expand your thinking. Sounds like your daughter wants to be a traditional wife. But she needs the skills to go with it. If they can’t work at home make them volunteer for like the local gleaners organization or another non-profit. Your house, your rules. As for you, red pill them everyday. Teach them to be patriots. Are you a person of faith? Start teaching them what will trully give them the confidence in life.
You wanna know how many parents would KILL for this opportunity you have right now?
First, tell any thoughts or neighbors or "friends" trying to whisper shame into your ear for letting your kids live at home to piss right off. Traditionally, children never left home. Traditionally, whether nomadic or stagnant, families stick together. Our bullshit modern society taught us to kick our offspring out as soon as they reach a certain number. Why? So that they can go buy more shit that they don't actually need and become bogged down and miserable like your daughter claimed.
But now... your daughter is at home and has a lot of home making skills. Cultivate that! Have her consider selling some of her hand crafts. As for your son, keep cultivating his skills, but you and Yours should see this as an opportunity to BOLSTER your household and you all need to stick together as a family to survive the system.
My wife and I live with her dad. We also work part time. We also make time to spend with family and help contribute to the household. Everyone is happy and our spirits are elevated and everyone gets along just fine. Will my wife and I get out own house? Why do we have to? We have room and board provided. If we have kids, we'll find a way to make it work.
The point is, the whole buying a house and having kids = success is really just one person's idea for success. We aren't all required to agree with that. You still have healthy relationships with your children. We get one shot at this life. Even if you believe in the concept of eternity, how you experience this life is one and done. Make memories with your kids especially since they ended up coming back. Your children seem like decent people and they don't hate you. Congratulations, you won parenthood. Now it's time to be more of a mentor.
U r 100 percent correct , best comment so far , you have the answer to life !
This should be top comment.
Pull together more. Teach them about faith.
Yes, faith is important and maybe even take them to church. God can change their attitudes
The hard part is that you must lead by example. Your sincerity and dedication to faith must be authentic. Young people have a way of seeing through things. You should start going yourself. Sharing your experience in deepening your faith.
The first job out of college sucks. It's a slap in the face to everything you learned in college basically and the living style you had. Entering large POs for 8 hours a day at a small company certainly was NOT what I expected. Needless to say, I found the "real world" extremely slow and that job didn't last long. It wasn't until I applied for a job a couple weeks later I thought I wouldn't even have a chance of getting, and that's when Accounting found me. Hey, those POs at my last place actually did something afterall. They need to be searching for Jobs. No ifs ands or buts. Get a LinkedIn account. There are so many recruiters on there. Apply apply apply. Not every company is the same. Tell your son to walk into the local music shop and ask for an application in person. It's about finding a job that they want to strive in that will benefit them to the next step. Life is not easy, it never was, nor will it ever be. That's what vacations are for and I recommend you take one if you can. It's about working towards something knowing it's helping others for your benefit as well. That is what "work" really is. It's not about "being a slave". That is the worst mentality you can have. It's about the natural life of living and what it means to be apart of making others lives better in some way. Attitude goes a long way. Once they find the right job, their lives will start to shape up. Don't let them be lazy about it.
A BIG slap in the face to the everybody gets a trophy generation.
Yeah ha, well what I meant is that most college schedules are 2-3 classes a day where you can sleep in and have time in-between to go back to your dorm/apartment and chill with friends and study or whatever. These classes teach theory and upper level management concepts you won't use in a entry level job. Only to graduate and go into work for 8 hours a day with little breaks, no friends, your asking yourself why you went to college to do basic work like entering in POs all day. On top of that, the salary expectations are way off, most kids think they'll make 80k after graduation but really start off at 40k and can barely get by. This can be tough on the psyche and does take about 2 years to transition or "get broken in" to the real world schedule of work. I know exactly how it feels.
I left college before I graduated and my brother encouraged me to go to Kelly Services (I bet they don't exist anymore. It was a temp agency.) - but any good local temp agency will do - and the good thing about temp jobs is that some of them are temp-to-hire so they can try you and you can try them before they hire you. Some temp jobs are short, some are longer, some are permanent. It might be a good thing for both your children to try different things AND since it's temp work, they can literally walk away from it if they hate it. No stress or pressure to stay.
Necessity is the mother of invention. They're only going to talk about gardening and occasionally pay for shit if you allow this behavior. Act like a head of your house... you are in charge correct?
Cook only enough for you and your wife, give them the gas/electric bill and ask them what they think is a fair portion to pay. Hand her some seeds and shovel and tell her to contribute instead of talk about it.
My best friend and I would still be living together to this day if he hadn't fallen in love. In 6 years I can count on one hand how many times he did the dishes... I swear he was allergic to doing dishes but I always had my laundry folded and on my bed whenever I'd forget and I can't count on my fingers and toes how many times he loaned me money.
You ain't gotta be perfect but you do have to give more than you receive to make the world better. They'll just keep taking instead of giving. Even at the most elemental biological growth only happens... I don't want to lift weights but my muscles grow when they're uncomfortable and ripped to shreds by me. That doesn't mean I hate my body for making it uncomfortable and testing it's capabilities it actually means I care more.
Do you want a fat gut on your lazy children? Do you want them dumb and lazy? Beat them at chess, grow a better garden and keep track of who lost at penny poker. Remind them you produced more lettuce, remind them you're eating crab and steak because you earned something by making yourself uncomfortable and they can go grill up a chicken after they pluck it... hand them the chicken and knife.
Make them uncomfortable or they're never going to grow... the art of being a parent is doing so in such a style that they can't deny you love them.
Most dedicated mothers would tell you that being a stay at home mother of children is a pretty tough assignment, one where your life is not you own.
I suspect if the daughter cannot handle work task, that she would not be able to function as a dutiful mother.
I disagree.
I see what you mean by this, but I disagree. Yes, being a stay-at-home mom means putting your children's needs first. This may sound like a "bad" thing because you won't have time to draw butterflies, take long baths, watch youtube videos all day, etc. Instead your days are filled with meaning and higher purpose. I am a stay-at-home mom of 3. I homeschool them and take them to all their extra-curriculars (dance, soccer, piano, etc.). I rarely have time for myself, but I have never been happier in my life. Funny how that is. I feel like many childless women are depressed because they lack a higher purpose. And what's the point in even trying in life if you lack any purpose?
Perhaps I used the wrong words. In saying, "You life is not your own", I was merely saying that a stay at home mother is not free to kick up her heels and do as she likes. It may be though that the things which she likes, are the things that center around the well being of her husband, and of the family, , as was the case with my mom.
I'm sure I cannot paint with words a true picture of my mother, but I will do my best.
My mother was very happy, all of her life, but more than happy, as she put it, she was content, always content. I think in her mind, being in a state of discontent put her in conflict with her faith in Jesus Christ. Sure one could fall into a state of discontent, but remaining in that state very long, was a sign of lack of faith in the promises of God obtained through knowing the word, and through prayer.
"If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you." John 15:7
She viewed "happiness" as a condition of circumstances, but true contentment as something that was independent of ones circumstances, and she lived a life that proved out her unshakable faith. I never saw it waver, not one time, not for one second, even in the most trying times, and I learned of many times when faith was the only thing that sustained her and my dad, the family though some tough times. My grandmother was the same kind of woman. Stories were told around the dinner table, so to speak, of my grandmother's faith, and my mothers.
Regrettably, it was me, more than once, that put my mother in desperate conditions where her faith was tested, and under which her faith was proven for all to see.
Example: I was in a head on collision. Doctors did not expect me to live. Yet when my mother arrived at the hospital, all were amazed at her calm and composed demeanor, her since of assurance that I would live, that all would be well.
Obviously I did live, and despite my hip being broken in 10 places, my knees cut up, and a serious concussion, after a month long hospital stay, in four months I was jump starting from a pair of crutches, off the river bank with a waters ski.
During my month long hospital stay, I had many visitors. I heard some of them speak in amazement of how my mother throughout the entire ordeal seemed never in a state of worry. Latter during my recovery, and after hearing other speak of this, I spoke to my mom about it.
After my accident, the police called my dad. My dad drove home and told my mother. My mom said when she got the news, she fell apart, the thought of her baby, I was the youngest of five, critically injured, at deaths door was more than she could handle. She told me that she prayed, told God, "Lord, this is more than I can handle, I am turning this over to you. Your will be done." And at that point she says that that piece beyond understanding described in Philippians 4:7, came over her. The tempest upon which she had been tossed becalmed as though Jesus commanded the raging storm within her, "Piece, be still".
This is only one of the examples where my mothers faith was by trial, weighed in the balance, and proved the measure of it's worth.
This is why my mom was able to find contentment in all situations, because she understood that no matter what the circumstances, when she did all she could do, the rest was in Gods hands.
What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.
No reason your two ADULT children can't at least work part time and contribute to the financial burden nor should they have a free pass in the house. All fine and dandy to decide adulting is too much, but that just dumps extra adulting on you and your spouse, which is not right. And yes, I have two adult children - 33 and 24
Well said!