Do not place near flammable or magnetic source. Avoid contact with skin. All models over 18 years of age. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. For recreational use only. No user-serviceable parts inside. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated pictures. Please remain seated until the browser has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike, check the tags to insure you have your own. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Warranty void if serviced by non-authorized personnel. Not edited for television. Keep cool- process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. Do not shake vigorously. At participating locations only. Don't try this in your living room- these are trained professionals. Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Batteries not included. Beware of dog. Caveat emptor. Close cover before striking. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. If condition persists, consult your physician. If defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes. Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children. Limit one-per-customer. Limited time offer. No Canadian coins. Other copyright laws for specific entries apply wherever noted. Other restrictions may apply. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Prerecorded for this time zone. Price does not include taxes. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Read at your own risk. Reproduction strictly prohibited. Individually packaged, not for resale. Ribbed for your pleasure. Safety goggles may be required during use. Read all instructions and warnings before using product. Food and odors Attract bears. Limit three garments at a time in dressing room. Organically grown. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Please report all bear incidents to a park ranger. Dolphin safe. Caution - wet floor. Clerk cannot open safe. If rider is injured, DO NOT REMOVE HELMET. No deposit, no return. The air may contain chemicals known to cause cancer and reproductive toxicity. Raised without cages. No Soliciting. No Lifeguard on Duty. Fragile - don't rock. Not usable while scuba diving (except at depths that require helium-oxygen gas). Facilities within 7 miles of each other are considered to be the same facility. Expletive deleted. Free from hormones or antibiotics. Not a toy. Monitor sold separately. Do not open except at approved static free workstation. Critical clearances, motorcycle compatibility and stability, load bearing capacity, speed rating, radial versus non-radial, pattern and tread compound requirements, inflation recommendations, and front-to-rear tire matching will all vary with tire selection. Shake well before use. Parental guidance suggested. Not a step. Do not exceed 6 doses in a 24-hour period. This is not a citation. Your use of this system is subject to monitoring at all times. We will be closed in observance of this legal holiday. Do not dispose of in fire. No COD's. If swallowed, call a physician or contact a poison control center immediately. If you notice any abnormal phenomena such as smoke, strange sounds or fumes, unplug the monitor and contact your dealer or service center immediately. Long-term exposure to direct sunlight can cause fluorescent coloring to fade. Software is not returnable. DANGER - High Voltage. This product is meant for educational purposes only. An equal opportunity employer. Refrigerate after opening. Recorded live in front of a studio audience. Overexposure to vapors may result in central nervous system depression characterized by dizziness, staggering gait, loss of coordination, headache, and nausea. Not a birth control device. Handle with care. No Surveyors or Surveying Without Written Permission. Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent allowable by law. Do not immerse. Use of this product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling is a violation of federal law. Past performance should not be used to determine future growth. Wheelchair accessible. Contains some violent scenes. This has been written entirely in ASCII; no EBCDIC. This space intentionally left blank. No MSG. Dramatization. Offer void where prohibited by law. No diving. Do not use on an infant. Avoid exposing this product to gasoline, cleaning solvents, aerosol sprays, adhesive agents, paint, etc. The use of the name "Bill Gates" does not imply endorsement by Bill Gates or the Microsoft Corporation. Avoid contact with mucous membranes. Employees and their families are not eligible. You must be present to win. May be hazardous to health if consumed in excessive quantities. Not responsible for typographical errors. Some equipment shown is optional. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Contains no phosphorus. Cash value 1/20 of a cent. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Does not enable user to fly. Do not use this product for persistent or chronic cough such as occurs with smoking, asthma, emphysema, or if cough is accompanied by excessive phlegm (mucus), or if you have a heart disease, high blood pressure, thyroid disease, diabetes, glaucoma, a breathing problem such as emphysema or chronic bronchitis or difficulty in urination due to enlargement of prostate gland, unless directed by a doctor. Vapors form an explosive mixture in air between the upper and lower explosive limits which can be ignited by many sources such as pilot lights, open flames, electrical motors and switches. Contents under pressure. Under penalty of law, tag not to be removed except by consumer. May explode if recharged improperly. Not legal for trade. Driver does not carry cash. Save these instructions. Your mileage may vary. don't quote me on anything. all rights reserved. you may distribute this article freely but you may not make a profit from it. terms are subject to change without notice. illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. your mileage may vary. no substitutions allowed. for a limited time only. this article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. caveat emptor. article is provided "as is" without any warranties. reader assumes full responsibility. an equal opportunity article. no shoes, no shirt, no articles. quantities are limited while supplies last. if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. read at your own risk. parental advisory - explicit lyrics. text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. keep away from sunlight. keep away from pets and small children. limit one-per-family please. no money down. no purchase necessary. you need not be present to win. some assembly required. batteries not included. instructions are included. action figures sold separately. no preservatives added. slippery when wet. safety goggles may be required during use. sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken. call before you dig. not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. for external use only. if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. read only with proper ventilation. avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. keep away from open flames. avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. articles are ribbed for your pleasure. possible penalties for early withdrawal. offer valid only at participating sites. slightly higher west of the Rockies. allow four to six weeks for delivery. must be 18 to read. disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). other restrictions may apply. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Ask your doctor or pharmacist. Do not open back panel. no user serviceable parts inside. Propagate (this test) at will, even without the written permission of the publisher. just don't edit or change it. You may or may not have additional rights which may vary from state to state (i.e. inebriated, ecstasy). Not recommended for children under twelve. Parental guidance discouraged and frowned upon. Pencils, additional paper, and batteries not included. Does not come with any other figures. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. If erections persist for more than 4 hours, consult a physician. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Net weight before cooking. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool. process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not
Among older guitarists there is a joke going back to the 1950s. A guy named Mel Bay put out a series of "how to play the guitar" and he sold millions of them. It was pretty basic stuff, at least to begin with.
In the opening Chapter 1 the book says, "Grasp your plectrum firmly." Somehow that caught on as a insider joke.
So, I encourage you to play more, and find other people to play with....that's how you get better. Oh, and be sure to grasp your plectrum firmly.
I learned on the Mel Bay books initially. I need to see if I have those still stored away at my parents' place.
I will certainly grasp my plectrum firmly & practice more.
In highschool I would pull out my guitar & make anyone sing the blues, didn't matter if they wanted to or not. Half the time they were laughing so hard because they didn't know what to say or what to do, though the riff just kept going & I paused until someone filled the awkward silence.
Once there was a moat excellent blog called The Woodpile Report that was curated by a blogger known only as Ol' Remus. He lived in a very rural area of western North Carolina, loved survival information, woodland skills, and robust masculinity.
He passed away a few years ago and his family in keeping with his wishes, never identified who he was. But the blog was a daily stop for me.
That long litany of word salad was listed on the lefthand column, no doubt amassed over several years.
I managed to copy and paste the entire thing before his family discontinued the blog. Ol' Remus had a wicked sense of humor and his dans still miss him.
Coffee is always better with the Sunday funnies! Thanks Fester!!
I wonder if Porn Flakes would dry out a phone dropped in the toilet, hmmm, just wondering.
Been thinking about you since yesterday, Uncle Fester!
Only the Sunday Funnies can cure that.
Note: past performance is not a guarantee of future results.
Do not place near flammable or magnetic source. Avoid contact with skin. All models over 18 years of age. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. For recreational use only. No user-serviceable parts inside. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated pictures. Please remain seated until the browser has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike, check the tags to insure you have your own. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Warranty void if serviced by non-authorized personnel. Not edited for television. Keep cool- process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. Do not shake vigorously. At participating locations only. Don't try this in your living room- these are trained professionals. Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Batteries not included. Beware of dog. Caveat emptor. Close cover before striking. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. If condition persists, consult your physician. If defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes. Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children. Limit one-per-customer. Limited time offer. No Canadian coins. Other copyright laws for specific entries apply wherever noted. Other restrictions may apply. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Prerecorded for this time zone. Price does not include taxes. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Read at your own risk. Reproduction strictly prohibited. Individually packaged, not for resale. Ribbed for your pleasure. Safety goggles may be required during use. Read all instructions and warnings before using product. Food and odors Attract bears. Limit three garments at a time in dressing room. Organically grown. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Please report all bear incidents to a park ranger. Dolphin safe. Caution - wet floor. Clerk cannot open safe. If rider is injured, DO NOT REMOVE HELMET. No deposit, no return. The air may contain chemicals known to cause cancer and reproductive toxicity. Raised without cages. No Soliciting. No Lifeguard on Duty. Fragile - don't rock. Not usable while scuba diving (except at depths that require helium-oxygen gas). Facilities within 7 miles of each other are considered to be the same facility. Expletive deleted. Free from hormones or antibiotics. Not a toy. Monitor sold separately. Do not open except at approved static free workstation. Critical clearances, motorcycle compatibility and stability, load bearing capacity, speed rating, radial versus non-radial, pattern and tread compound requirements, inflation recommendations, and front-to-rear tire matching will all vary with tire selection. Shake well before use. Parental guidance suggested. Not a step. Do not exceed 6 doses in a 24-hour period. This is not a citation. Your use of this system is subject to monitoring at all times. We will be closed in observance of this legal holiday. Do not dispose of in fire. No COD's. If swallowed, call a physician or contact a poison control center immediately. If you notice any abnormal phenomena such as smoke, strange sounds or fumes, unplug the monitor and contact your dealer or service center immediately. Long-term exposure to direct sunlight can cause fluorescent coloring to fade. Software is not returnable. DANGER - High Voltage. This product is meant for educational purposes only. An equal opportunity employer. Refrigerate after opening. Recorded live in front of a studio audience. Overexposure to vapors may result in central nervous system depression characterized by dizziness, staggering gait, loss of coordination, headache, and nausea. Not a birth control device. Handle with care. No Surveyors or Surveying Without Written Permission. Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent allowable by law. Do not immerse. Use of this product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling is a violation of federal law. Past performance should not be used to determine future growth. Wheelchair accessible. Contains some violent scenes. This has been written entirely in ASCII; no EBCDIC. This space intentionally left blank. No MSG. Dramatization. Offer void where prohibited by law. No diving. Do not use on an infant. Avoid exposing this product to gasoline, cleaning solvents, aerosol sprays, adhesive agents, paint, etc. The use of the name "Bill Gates" does not imply endorsement by Bill Gates or the Microsoft Corporation. Avoid contact with mucous membranes. Employees and their families are not eligible. You must be present to win. May be hazardous to health if consumed in excessive quantities. Not responsible for typographical errors. Some equipment shown is optional. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Contains no phosphorus. Cash value 1/20 of a cent. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Does not enable user to fly. Do not use this product for persistent or chronic cough such as occurs with smoking, asthma, emphysema, or if cough is accompanied by excessive phlegm (mucus), or if you have a heart disease, high blood pressure, thyroid disease, diabetes, glaucoma, a breathing problem such as emphysema or chronic bronchitis or difficulty in urination due to enlargement of prostate gland, unless directed by a doctor. Vapors form an explosive mixture in air between the upper and lower explosive limits which can be ignited by many sources such as pilot lights, open flames, electrical motors and switches. Contents under pressure. Under penalty of law, tag not to be removed except by consumer. May explode if recharged improperly. Not legal for trade. Driver does not carry cash. Save these instructions. Your mileage may vary. don't quote me on anything. all rights reserved. you may distribute this article freely but you may not make a profit from it. terms are subject to change without notice. illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. your mileage may vary. no substitutions allowed. for a limited time only. this article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. caveat emptor. article is provided "as is" without any warranties. reader assumes full responsibility. an equal opportunity article. no shoes, no shirt, no articles. quantities are limited while supplies last. if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. read at your own risk. parental advisory - explicit lyrics. text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. keep away from sunlight. keep away from pets and small children. limit one-per-family please. no money down. no purchase necessary. you need not be present to win. some assembly required. batteries not included. instructions are included. action figures sold separately. no preservatives added. slippery when wet. safety goggles may be required during use. sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken. call before you dig. not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. for external use only. if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. read only with proper ventilation. avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. keep away from open flames. avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. articles are ribbed for your pleasure. possible penalties for early withdrawal. offer valid only at participating sites. slightly higher west of the Rockies. allow four to six weeks for delivery. must be 18 to read. disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). other restrictions may apply. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Ask your doctor or pharmacist. Do not open back panel. no user serviceable parts inside. Propagate (this test) at will, even without the written permission of the publisher. just don't edit or change it. You may or may not have additional rights which may vary from state to state (i.e. inebriated, ecstasy). Not recommended for children under twelve. Parental guidance discouraged and frowned upon. Pencils, additional paper, and batteries not included. Does not come with any other figures. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. If erections persist for more than 4 hours, consult a physician. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Net weight before cooking. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool. process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not
lol
You made me drop my plectrum into a bowl of Stormy Flakes covered with Stormy Milk.
As a guitar picker too, I actually have quite the collection of plectrums. An arcane word which few people know.
Fester Addams - master of the arcane and ineffable.
Party on TBM.
TIL - I play so rarely anymore. Never knew there was another term for guitar pick.
Among older guitarists there is a joke going back to the 1950s. A guy named Mel Bay put out a series of "how to play the guitar" and he sold millions of them. It was pretty basic stuff, at least to begin with.
In the opening Chapter 1 the book says, "Grasp your plectrum firmly." Somehow that caught on as a insider joke.
So, I encourage you to play more, and find other people to play with....that's how you get better. Oh, and be sure to grasp your plectrum firmly.
I learned on the Mel Bay books initially. I need to see if I have those still stored away at my parents' place.
I will certainly grasp my plectrum firmly & practice more.
In highschool I would pull out my guitar & make anyone sing the blues, didn't matter if they wanted to or not. Half the time they were laughing so hard because they didn't know what to say or what to do, though the riff just kept going & I paused until someone filled the awkward silence.
Good memories.
Should I wonder how “all models over 18 years of age” got so high on your list? Not that I know what that is from…
See my previous reply on the origin of that.
Yay! I shall hold the win with all due humility.
Wow…. This is a work of art! Astonishing to see all this lined up. I’m thinking it’s a script for a comedian…
Once there was a moat excellent blog called The Woodpile Report that was curated by a blogger known only as Ol' Remus. He lived in a very rural area of western North Carolina, loved survival information, woodland skills, and robust masculinity.
He passed away a few years ago and his family in keeping with his wishes, never identified who he was. But the blog was a daily stop for me.
That long litany of word salad was listed on the lefthand column, no doubt amassed over several years.
I managed to copy and paste the entire thing before his family discontinued the blog. Ol' Remus had a wicked sense of humor and his dans still miss him.
The humor hierarchy? Note Puns are the foundation upon which all is built. Without them, no hilarious, gut splitting, snorting paradox humor.
Stormy Daniels cereal - there goes another cup of coffee all over the keyboard. Thanks Fester :)
I was hoping you would be here, and there you were!
Coffee is always better with the Sunday funnies! Thanks Fester!! I wonder if Porn Flakes would dry out a phone dropped in the toilet, hmmm, just wondering.
Jack Daniels water cooler...genius.
You turned me off of corn flakes.Thank God I already stopped eating all breakfast cereal anyways!
Boy, that was good. I have a hard time deciding on a favorite, but possibly the one with Gollum.
The one with Orwell was the best this week.
They just keep getting better! Thanks!
Thanks for doing this, it's fun to see each week. 😆
While in Israel, Biden recalls the time he was found in basket and raised by Hebrews.
I always love these. Thank you for posting them every week. Was finally able to look at them just before bed.
That 5 second rule was hilarious.