Welcome to General Chat - GAW Community Area
This General Chat area started off as a place for people to talk about things that are off topic, however it has quickly evolved into a community and has become an integral part of the GAW experience for many of us.
Based on its evolving needs and plenty of user feedback, we are trying to bring some order and institute some rules. Please make sure you read these rules and participate in the spirit of this community.
Rules for General Chat
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Be respectful to each other. This is of utmost importance, and comments may be removed if deemed not respectful.
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Avoid long drawn out arguments. This should be a place to relax, not to waste your time needlessly.
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Personal anecdotes, puzzles, cute pics/clips - everything welcome
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Please do not spam at the top level. If you have a lot to post each day, try and post them all together in one top level comment
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Try keep things light. If you are bringing in deep stuff, try not to go overboard.
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Things that are clearly on-topic for this board should be posted as a separate post and not here (except if you are new and still getting the feel of this place)
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If you find people violating these rules, deport them rather than start a argument here.
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Feel free to give feedback as these rules are expected to keep evoloving
In short, imagine this thread to be a local community hall where we all gather and chat daily. Please be respectful to others in the same way
Not sure I'm posting this in the right place, sorry.
I don't post about my personal life, but here goes nothing. Financially things have been tough for a lot of people, so I feel guilty even saying anything. I lost my marriage over the Trump/Q thing. She was too far woke/left to care and as they say, once you are awake, there's no going back. She was just everything that I am not, and not in an opposites attract kind of way. That was about 2 years ago now. It took a lot of healing to get to today.
I never had a lot of money to begin with, but I don't have any debts. Never owned or used a credit card, no money owed on my vehicle, etc. When we were first dating, I almost took a job out of town in the oil and gas industry, but she talked me out of it, convincing me that her and her daughter (6 years old at the time), didn't need my money, they needed me to be around and be a good dad. She owned her own home care and non-medical transport company for individuals with special needs. She decided how much money she was going to spend and on what, and I had no say in it at all, but used the money I was making driving a tow truck for my dad on groceries, or whatever else, but I wasn't spending it on me. There were also several occasions that I'd help with her business. She wouldn't let me near the compliance/filing side of the business, but was more than happy to let me move her individuals to college, back home, take them to school or work, drive them to and from the airport, or hang out with them for awhile until one of her actual employees or the individuals mother or family member got there. I did whatever needed done, which could throw off my schedule for my actual job.
We had a son, things became irreconcilable a year into our marriage, mostly to do with my faith in God, Q, and Trump, and her inability to comprehend Communism. We are divorced and she has full custody, I didn't want to make it a messier divorce than it was already going to be, and to be honest, I felt like such a failure initially that I wasn't sure I deserved him (the devil talking). She said several times "I don't need a man for anything".
Anyway, I have been seeing my son when I'm not working like clockwork. All weekend long unless she had plans with him, and sometimes I will move my schedule around to accommodate her plans. She has been telling me she's going to file for child support, which is what it is. She spends money on ridiculous things that I don't agree with, and I would have no problem reimbursing her for money actually spent on the kids (my son and her daughter), but a lot of her money is spent irresponsibility and unnecessarily. Regardless, I will pay what I'm ordered to pay when that train comes down the line.
She has been saying she can't afford my son's medical bills, she is drowning in debt, and she might lose her business. Today she texted me and said she is closing the business because they changed the laws and you need to qualify for a $10,000 line of credit to stay in business now? I never know when she's telling the truth, or when she's scheming in some way. Ironically, or not ironic at all, I received exactly $10,000 from my grandmother this month after her estate was done being picked through by the lawyers. Maybe she knows I just put it in my bank account somehow, or maybe she's really struggling. Regardless, I'd gladly take full custody of my son and find a way to keep us well fed and happy. But I'll be damned if she's going to suck the life out of me while I'm just trying to heal and provide the best life for my son.
I don't really know what my goal was in posting this here, but words of wisdom, advice, or just prayers would mean a lot right now. I am now living with my brother and helping pay the mortgage and bills while I stay here. I never wanted my son to grow up without a strong united family, but I'm doing the best I can to make sure he knows he is loved and life can be beautiful even if things don't go the way we wanted them to. I don't want to sound inconsiderate, but I've had the thought that I'd sooner spend the 10 grand on my brother's mortgage or into my dad's business than I would giving her a penny I didn't have to give her. After all, my brother or my dad would do anything for me, which is infinitely more than I can say about my ex wife.
I guess all I need is strength and wisdom to see this through and make the right decisions that protect my son and give him the best life possible. I have enough to worry about without making sure the woman that tried to ruin me is financially healthy (she also has a raging Adderall addiction). I feel like I just complained for way too long. Thanks for this community for the positive interactions and information you've all blessed me with in the last few years. God bless.
See if there is a way you can protect your money so she doesn't get it. Even putting it into a trust for your son might be an option?? (For when he turns 18 or 21. Or, possibly, (as someone else said) gift it to your brother and father with the understanding that they would regift it back later. I just don't know if that would be considered fraud and trying to hide assets from her.
At any rate, why not try for custody of your son? Her business has failed (and frankly, qualifying for a mere 10K credit line should have been a cake walk for someone running a business for the time she did.) I'd spend my energy there, trying to get full custody of him. Showing you can provide a good and stable home at your brother's house.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Please find a solid, bible believing church and get stuck in there. It will be a great source of fellowship, wisdom and support. All the best.
Gift the money to your dad and brother. Up to 16k each no tax federally.
Nothing can stop them from regifting after the court proceedings are done. Let them keep a little just for doing you the favor
Also does your state protect primary residence and vehicle? Because you could put it into a home improvements or a good car and at least here in TX, they can't touch it
I don’t have advice for you, but for other young men: paying attention to red flags can save your life. Single mother, communist, pill head. Each one of those three should by itself disqualify a woman from your consideration.
Thanks. Yeah, we all make mistakes. Hopefully you make better decisions than I used to.
Not trying to come down on you, trying to help youngsters
I’d immediately get 10k in cash, and buy Gold/silver coins from a dealer, and tell the courts you spent it gambling and on prostitutes. And I’m not trying to be funny. Because if she knows you have that currently at the time she files for child support, the courts will fight to award her 75% of it. You do have some Estate protections, but fighting her in court would drain most of it and she’d get the rest. But making it appear as if it’s all gone now, converted to cash or coin and hidden away, takes that problem out of her and the courts able hands.
I know you’ll take care of your son regardless as a good father. But now divorced, their is nothing wrong with protecting what little nest egg you know have. God bless you and your son sir.
Thank you so much for taking the time. Now I know why I spilled my guts earlier today. This community is beautiful.
It seems like you have a lot on your plate and when that happens, it’s so easy to get overwhelmed. You think you need to make decisions fast, there are too many to handle all at once but this cloud is swirling, you want to fix it and it’s hard to know what to do first. Breathe. Ok? Just breathe. It’s always my motto to never make decisions under duress. Sleep on it. Pray on it. The decisions will come to you.
I get a strong feeling you don’t have to worry too much about showing your son you have a strong family unit. You’ve expressed that you do in your brother and father and yourself. That’s a lot! That’s positive and he will see that. Involve him in that stuff.
And meditate and pray on it all. Pray for strength and wisdom and courage. Pray for rest and try to get some. You’re no good if you get sick or worn out. I would do some activities with your son that are simple and easy. Play catch or whatever. Hikes, reading, fishing, whatever he’s into. I’m sure there are free things you can do together that will be gold to your son. Set a good example helping your brother out with things that are obvious to your son. Maybe things he could participate in? If he sees you not giving up, not wallowing in despair, working hard and showing love- well, that’s all you can do and it sounds a lot more positive than what his mom is doing.
I would invest that money quickly into something she can’t touch. Perhaps your dad’s business. I can’t give financial advice but that’s probably what I would do. Don’t just leave it in an account she could get. Maybe some people with experience in this area will chime in.
I will pray for you. Remember- and I refer to this almost daily
“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” — John 14:18
Your comment made me tear up. Sometimes we forget that the simplest things are the most important things. God bless you folks.
Thank you so much. I cannot thank you enough for your words of wisdom and reassurance. I will keep walking with my head on straight and ask God to bless us. God bless this community and their families. Sometimes it's more than we care to put on our family's hearts, and there are so many amazing people on here like yourself that are selfless and caring.
You don’t have to carry your burdens alone. We’re here for you. That’s what it’s all about, imho. Keep us posted.