Fwiw I doubt this is permanent. My husband and I went thru something like this. A few really rough years. I went from feeling everything, to feeling nothing, to bouncing back and forth. Spent alot of time thinking he didn't understand me at all. Wanted to leave many times, found interest in others, same things you're describing even with the kids. I hate to be the one, but my personal issues were rooted in a few things: ignoring my faith, taking prescribed head meds, and prior abuse issues unresolved. I think there's hope for you but its gonna be work. If she can get off the head meds, that would be a bonus. Natural solutions. They all take time. It takes a couple yrs to get the head meds out of the system. Prior emotional issues: LOTS OF TALKING. Interest in other ppl: GET IN HER FACE. Show her who you are, what you are. Don't back down. Don't be nasty. But DON'T back down. More than likely, some guy hit on her. She's vulnerable, and it turned her head.
I'm praying for you, sweetheart. This isn't over yet. Stay in her face.
You're right hun...drinking doesn't solve anything, and fwiw there's a reason they call it the devil's juice and "spirits". If you two are always with the kid, then you need to find a sitter. Once a week, once every two weeks, something. "Us time" is so crucial. Real time. Having fun, getting dinner, some activity, but in that time there should be real conversation about "us". Your willingness to change is great. I hope she has that as well. But be mindful not to change everything about yourselves. There was something that kept you together all this time. Something bigger than a kid. Openly talk about your faith. Your goals. What you want the next ten, twenty, fifty years to look like with her, and even just for yourself. When you're on your death bed, what do you want to look back on? I want my memories to have him in them. That's me. And if that's you about her, tell her.
De nada. I don't know how it would be unrelated...just my opinion. The dark forces are involved in all these subjects, marriage and family are the most important on this earth. Personal awakenings, global awakenings. They all matter a whole lot.
You drink every night? Sorry man..but if I was your wife..I'd fake marriage you as well. You gotta wake up and do life better than that. Sorry for the harsh judgment. but you're a grown up and you posted this. handle it.
When someone says they are done, they probably are. You need to focus on your and your child's best interests. That can only be achieved by you dealing from a position of strength. This means that she needs to see you start pulling away. You can hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. You need to start distancing yourself. You need to be vetting attorneys and laying the groundwork for the separation. You need to do some very visible things for yourself, such as join a gym, new hairstyle, new wardrobe, new friends, etc. You need to start being what she wants you to be but** without her**. If this doesn't jolt her back into reality, nothing will. Even if these things are unsuccessful in saving your marriage, these are things that you need to do to look out for yourself, your child, and insure a successful transition into your future. Best of luck.
I disagree with cablez. I've always considered parenthood with someone over "marriage" as being the real commitment. Therefore, I think your marriage is secondary to what your son needs. Even if you have a somewhat "fake" marriage. Give your son till at least like 15 or 16 years of a nuclear family illusion. (and I didn't hear you describe terrible fighting that you're doing in front of your son like cablez assumed).
I'm not against divorce (when children are involved) in all cases. Just most of the time so long as no abuse is occurring or dangers from addiction/alcoholism/mental illnes etc..
If she is having an affair, it might be impossible to save the marriage (although some marriages have survived that type of betrayal and become stronger for it). You seem to be a good husband and an attentive dad - a stable women would appreciate those qualities. Do not underestimate the devastation divorce can bring, especially financially. If you were my son, I would advise you to find the strength to do what you can to keep the family together, for their sake as well as yours. Decent women respect a man’s strength, so set your fears aside and take the lead.
Just had 36th wedding anniversary and the key to our success is a biblical marriage based on Jesus. He is the rock, we nothings his way and we're blessed. If we don't, we have trials, but we get thru the together. Man up and take back your marriage!
We are not Bible scholars and have backslidden plenty. We are all a "work in progress" and our marriages reflect that. Try learning to praying together too. Just don't give up and accept that divorce is an option. Mark 10:9 What God has joined together, let no man separate.
Short answer is...yes.....If she wants to see other people..it means she has another people she wants to persue. Let it go, let the relationship go. And let her go. Before you fighting ruins your childs psyche. Seeing his/her parents freaking out on eachother is more damaging, than part time weekend parent days.
Fwiw I doubt this is permanent. My husband and I went thru something like this. A few really rough years. I went from feeling everything, to feeling nothing, to bouncing back and forth. Spent alot of time thinking he didn't understand me at all. Wanted to leave many times, found interest in others, same things you're describing even with the kids. I hate to be the one, but my personal issues were rooted in a few things: ignoring my faith, taking prescribed head meds, and prior abuse issues unresolved. I think there's hope for you but its gonna be work. If she can get off the head meds, that would be a bonus. Natural solutions. They all take time. It takes a couple yrs to get the head meds out of the system. Prior emotional issues: LOTS OF TALKING. Interest in other ppl: GET IN HER FACE. Show her who you are, what you are. Don't back down. Don't be nasty. But DON'T back down. More than likely, some guy hit on her. She's vulnerable, and it turned her head. I'm praying for you, sweetheart. This isn't over yet. Stay in her face.
good post
You're right hun...drinking doesn't solve anything, and fwiw there's a reason they call it the devil's juice and "spirits". If you two are always with the kid, then you need to find a sitter. Once a week, once every two weeks, something. "Us time" is so crucial. Real time. Having fun, getting dinner, some activity, but in that time there should be real conversation about "us". Your willingness to change is great. I hope she has that as well. But be mindful not to change everything about yourselves. There was something that kept you together all this time. Something bigger than a kid. Openly talk about your faith. Your goals. What you want the next ten, twenty, fifty years to look like with her, and even just for yourself. When you're on your death bed, what do you want to look back on? I want my memories to have him in them. That's me. And if that's you about her, tell her.
De nada. I don't know how it would be unrelated...just my opinion. The dark forces are involved in all these subjects, marriage and family are the most important on this earth. Personal awakenings, global awakenings. They all matter a whole lot.
You drink every night? Sorry man..but if I was your wife..I'd fake marriage you as well. You gotta wake up and do life better than that. Sorry for the harsh judgment. but you're a grown up and you posted this. handle it.
When someone says they are done, they probably are. You need to focus on your and your child's best interests. That can only be achieved by you dealing from a position of strength. This means that she needs to see you start pulling away. You can hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. You need to start distancing yourself. You need to be vetting attorneys and laying the groundwork for the separation. You need to do some very visible things for yourself, such as join a gym, new hairstyle, new wardrobe, new friends, etc. You need to start being what she wants you to be but** without her**. If this doesn't jolt her back into reality, nothing will. Even if these things are unsuccessful in saving your marriage, these are things that you need to do to look out for yourself, your child, and insure a successful transition into your future. Best of luck.
I disagree with cablez. I've always considered parenthood with someone over "marriage" as being the real commitment. Therefore, I think your marriage is secondary to what your son needs. Even if you have a somewhat "fake" marriage. Give your son till at least like 15 or 16 years of a nuclear family illusion. (and I didn't hear you describe terrible fighting that you're doing in front of your son like cablez assumed).
I'm not against divorce (when children are involved) in all cases. Just most of the time so long as no abuse is occurring or dangers from addiction/alcoholism/mental illnes etc..
If she is having an affair, it might be impossible to save the marriage (although some marriages have survived that type of betrayal and become stronger for it). You seem to be a good husband and an attentive dad - a stable women would appreciate those qualities. Do not underestimate the devastation divorce can bring, especially financially. If you were my son, I would advise you to find the strength to do what you can to keep the family together, for their sake as well as yours. Decent women respect a man’s strength, so set your fears aside and take the lead.
Just had 36th wedding anniversary and the key to our success is a biblical marriage based on Jesus. He is the rock, we nothings his way and we're blessed. If we don't, we have trials, but we get thru the together. Man up and take back your marriage!
We are not Bible scholars and have backslidden plenty. We are all a "work in progress" and our marriages reflect that. Try learning to praying together too. Just don't give up and accept that divorce is an option. Mark 10:9 What God has joined together, let no man separate.
from experience....if a women thinks we need to see other people.....she already is
Short answer is...yes.....If she wants to see other people..it means she has another people she wants to persue. Let it go, let the relationship go. And let her go. Before you fighting ruins your childs psyche. Seeing his/her parents freaking out on eachother is more damaging, than part time weekend parent days.