unpopular opinion from me I'm sure but since I have had a rescue for 30 years I know the deal with your wife and the dog. So I say to you don't be a toad, you are splitting up anyway, and just get in writing that the dog is her responsibility when your split occurs.
This isn't really about the dog in trouble. It is about how abused you feel. Who is keeping the dog you already have?
Help the owners of the dog find another home for it. Explain your problem to them. I'm sure the two of you can work something out for your mutual benefit.
"But he loves our kids and the kids love him. And they said he's just so happy going to our house."
So, I can call you a racist, sexist, xenophobe, or anything else intended to insult you and you won't care because you're a frog and that shit doesn't work on you. Why is it any different for blatant emotional manipulation like this my fren?
Best thing to do? Make it clear that its all her responsibility since she made the decision without asking you.
But it helps to look at this from a 1000 ft view. This person seems to be a person who does not have emotional discipline to handle tough situations, not maturity required to be a equal partner in a marriage (Dont hate me for what I say, you asked for help)
My best advice is to first and foremost read up on bpd and ask yourself if your wife might be a bpd. Ruling that out is very important because if she is, there is really no hope of things getting better. (Sadly, my guess is that she probably is on the higher end of that spectrum).
Regardless, here is a question you have to ask yourself. If your wife happens to be a very toxic person who does not respect your feelings, emotions or well beings while she is impulsive and has no compunction painting you as the bad guy - and just hypothetically say that this is the immutable reality and there is nothing you can do to change her - what would you like to do going forward?
I just went and told her that I absolutely was not taking on another dog and that it was not right of her to tell the kids that we were. To which she said "mmhmm." I then said I also don't understand why someone would buy a dog then decide they're going to travel a lot and not want the dog. To which she started "THEY'RE GOOD PEOPLE" .... which I said I'm happy for us to find a home for the dog. Then she said she'd just take the dog and I'll take our dog. So I told her if that's what she wants to do, if she wants to make it her full responsibility, fine. Otherwise, I'm moving out and she can take on all responsibilites.
I feel like I'm in the freaking twilight zone.
Like this is absolutely bat shit crazy. We can't even pay our bills. Yet we're going to take on another responsibility.
Also, I'm not sure man. I don't know what I want to do going forward. I want to raise my youngest. But she threw another curveball at me a week ago by saying she wants to move six hours away. And I don't want to move. I have no interest in moving. Yet this is somehow solidified now as she keeps saying to the kids "well, when we move, xyz". I want to be with them but I don't want to go there. I don't know anymore what to do with my life. Everything around me is crumbling.
Well what if you said okay sure, take the dog in, but I'm not the responsible party in any way, now or in the future when you're able to go your separate ways?
Sorry bro. I can't make sense of something that doesn't make sense. I think that this bible verse and commentary may be helpful. It was helpful for me when I was going through a similar situation.
Any family members that are nearby that would let you and your daughter live with them for awhile? Even far away? Maybe the wife needs a taste of what living without you being there to take care of everything would be like.
Just say “no”. Don’t be so concerned about looking like the “bad guy” - eventually, the kids will understand who the real bad guy is in the family. Stand up to your wife - you might find that it earns her respect. And if it doesn’t, and she threatens you with divorce (again), you’ll more than likely lose what you shouldn’t have had in the first place.
You really need to read the bible again because you are confused. Husband and wife are supposed to submit to each other. Its not just one way as you are saying. God would not be pleased with you at all.
unpopular opinion from me I'm sure but since I have had a rescue for 30 years I know the deal with your wife and the dog. So I say to you don't be a toad, you are splitting up anyway, and just get in writing that the dog is her responsibility when your split occurs. This isn't really about the dog in trouble. It is about how abused you feel. Who is keeping the dog you already have?
Best thing is to keep your family intact, work less if you can, the stress can put you in a bad mood, the dog is not your problem
Who asks a divorcing couple to adopt their dog anyways.
Help the owners of the dog find another home for it. Explain your problem to them. I'm sure the two of you can work something out for your mutual benefit.
Good idea. "But he loves our kids and the kids love him. And they said he's just so happy going to our house."
So, I can call you a racist, sexist, xenophobe, or anything else intended to insult you and you won't care because you're a frog and that shit doesn't work on you. Why is it any different for blatant emotional manipulation like this my fren?
Best thing to do? Make it clear that its all her responsibility since she made the decision without asking you.
But it helps to look at this from a 1000 ft view. This person seems to be a person who does not have emotional discipline to handle tough situations, not maturity required to be a equal partner in a marriage (Dont hate me for what I say, you asked for help)
My best advice is to first and foremost read up on bpd and ask yourself if your wife might be a bpd. Ruling that out is very important because if she is, there is really no hope of things getting better. (Sadly, my guess is that she probably is on the higher end of that spectrum).
Regardless, here is a question you have to ask yourself. If your wife happens to be a very toxic person who does not respect your feelings, emotions or well beings while she is impulsive and has no compunction painting you as the bad guy - and just hypothetically say that this is the immutable reality and there is nothing you can do to change her - what would you like to do going forward?
Yes. She definitely is.
I just went and told her that I absolutely was not taking on another dog and that it was not right of her to tell the kids that we were. To which she said "mmhmm." I then said I also don't understand why someone would buy a dog then decide they're going to travel a lot and not want the dog. To which she started "THEY'RE GOOD PEOPLE" .... which I said I'm happy for us to find a home for the dog. Then she said she'd just take the dog and I'll take our dog. So I told her if that's what she wants to do, if she wants to make it her full responsibility, fine. Otherwise, I'm moving out and she can take on all responsibilites.
I feel like I'm in the freaking twilight zone.
Like this is absolutely bat shit crazy. We can't even pay our bills. Yet we're going to take on another responsibility.
Are you referring to bpd, fren?
yes. I've researched it heavily in the past.
If you want to discuss our just want someone to listen feel free to DM me
I appreciate that. I'd love to but I dont know how to send a message, I dont see that option
Also, I'm not sure man. I don't know what I want to do going forward. I want to raise my youngest. But she threw another curveball at me a week ago by saying she wants to move six hours away. And I don't want to move. I have no interest in moving. Yet this is somehow solidified now as she keeps saying to the kids "well, when we move, xyz". I want to be with them but I don't want to go there. I don't know anymore what to do with my life. Everything around me is crumbling.
Sometimes the dog adopts you. Maybe......you get to name it.
Well what if you said okay sure, take the dog in, but I'm not the responsible party in any way, now or in the future when you're able to go your separate ways?
You need to know when to fold them. She and the kids are holding too many emotional cards.
Sorry bro. I can't make sense of something that doesn't make sense. I think that this bible verse and commentary may be helpful. It was helpful for me when I was going through a similar situation.
Proverbs 21:9 https://connectusfund.org/proverbs-21-9-meaning-of-better-to-live-on-a-corner-of-the-roof
Tell her if she insists on ignoring you then you will move out and let her handle all the household responsibilities.
My brother is in this same situation and he has been miserable to sickness the last ten years.
What kids I thought you said you only had one daughter who is autistic.
yes, and I have a 21 year old step daughter who lives with us. She's in and out as she stays with her boyfriend half the time.
Any family members that are nearby that would let you and your daughter live with them for awhile? Even far away? Maybe the wife needs a taste of what living without you being there to take care of everything would be like.
DUDE! Honest advice here... Change your name and move to Albuquerque.
Just say “no”. Don’t be so concerned about looking like the “bad guy” - eventually, the kids will understand who the real bad guy is in the family. Stand up to your wife - you might find that it earns her respect. And if it doesn’t, and she threatens you with divorce (again), you’ll more than likely lose what you shouldn’t have had in the first place.
You really need to read the bible again because you are confused. Husband and wife are supposed to submit to each other. Its not just one way as you are saying. God would not be pleased with you at all.
Proverbs 21:9 This has always been an issue fren.