I've been in our old home now for a week clearing out old crap, taking things to the dump, going to goodwill, cleaning, etc. Like I shared before ... 1.5 years of divorce discussions. Wife suddenly comes to me when she's about to move and says she doesnt want divorce and instead wants me to move there with them and us to all be a family. I was overjoyed, felt like prayers were working. Then while she's gone we're texting, I tell her I'm going to get a planet fitness membership. I get this nice response. Also note that I said "good night" because she previously said good night prior in the next when she was telling me that all I do is lay around (I literally work nearly two jobs so my time off , yeah, I like to lay and relax in bed and watch some tv or read the bible).
Now I have no idea where my life is about to go. Maybe my intuition and my gut on going car camping was correct and she was just trying to pull me out of that, like the matrix or something trying to keep me in this craziness loop.
I don't think I deserve to be with someone who speaks to me like this. Do you? Who says shit like this to a spouse when the other spouse says their ideas and goals?
I didn't respond any further to this text. And now I am, once again, in a position where I have no idea where my life trajectory is heading. What freaking timeline are we on? I feel like I'm going crazy. and honestly I've read that bipolar conditions cause others to feel like they are losing their sanity. Pretty sure that's what I'm up against.
Is it better to just pack my bags and hit the road, never reply again? Like what the heck.
EDIT: NOTE: My lease ends in ONE WEEK and I have NO WHERE to go. She had told me I was moving back in there with her, prior to her moving out (which was nice, because i prayed for us to be back together for over a year now ... but otherwise I was planning on sleeping in my car and doing airbnb). So now I've spent all this time getting this current home ready to vacate. Now all day she's texting me random things like "I've you're going to do XYZ, just don't move in here" (sleep past 9am on my days off because she wants to be "active" and "healthy"). Ya'll. This has come down to the wire. I don't know what the F I'm about to be doing. God help me.
Also, noteworthy, the money I had saved which was to buy myself a rooftop tent and a month's worth of airbnb costs have now gone to HER where she asked I pay the first months rent, which I sent to her. I put a lot of trust in her. I am constantly being misled. God... I don't know. I was just rejoicing two weeks ago about the glory of God and prayer. Why is he u-turning me like this? What am I supposed to gather? WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO. :(
You sound agitated right now, with good reason. Very few good decisions come from a place of agitation.
Find a quiet space. By flowing water. A river. A lake. Middle of the woods. Edge of the desert. Wherever you feel calm and at peace. All alone. Sit and listen to the thoughts in your head. Let them play out, ask internally what you need to do. The "you" that is YOU knows what you want and need. Listen to that still voice inside. Sit and think about your thoughts about what YOU need, what YOU want. It may or may not involve another person, but a part of you knows EXACTLY what is right for you. Sometimes what my "outside" self thinks it wants is not at all what "me" really needs. It took me a long time to learn to listen to my inner voice, and follow my heart. The best choice was not always the easy way. God will always help you.
go your own way dude you will be better for it. Sounds like she will just mess up your life. go get fit on your own accord don't let anyone control your life because they think they can control your emotions with making you feel self conscious about your body.
I am on a finesses journey myself i feel better for doing walks everyday.
You’re stuck suffering in her hell. It sounds like she’s exploring you financially. IMO You should go the direction that brings you to a stable position in life where you can take care of yourself, enjoy the fruits of your labors, and not be emotionally spent all the time over bologney.
I’d recommend listening to Jesse Lee Peterson radio show, and even calling in for advice.
I was going to reply to your previous post and give my opinion, I decided to keep my opinion to myself. However today, I think you need it.
I dated a woman that had PMDD. She was very nice, very kind, most understanding and giving person for most of the month however, when her menstruation started she became the most hateful person I have ever met.
Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is a hormonal disorder, its like PMS x 100. They become very angry, unapproachable, hateful, rude, insulting and they like to isolate themselves from the world. I would text her and she wouldn't reply for 4 or 5 days, but then she would finally respond.
Look at the link below, look at the symptoms. Ask yourself if you see any of these symptoms with your wife.
I knew she had some sort of medical condition. It happened like every few weeks. When I was trying to diagnose her medical condition, I come across PMDD and it was like BINGO!
I looked at the symptoms of PMDD and I could see every symptom listed happening to her. I sent this link to her and told her to read it and believe it or not, she listened to me. She went to see her doctor, I can't remember what they gave her, (I think Celexa) but it fixed her disorder. She took it for aprox a year and slowly weaned herself off. She has been good every since then.
I am not a person who advises pharm solutions but sometimes, you have no choice.
Geez. Yes. She displays like 12 out of 14 of those. Considering sending this to her, as well. But preferably when she's in a better mood. Though I've asked her to talk to someone and get some help and she just keeps saying it's the kids and me and that she has nothing wrong with her; she refuses to seek any treatment, even if its counseling.
Text is a terrible forum for any important conversation. Refuse to discuss anything of significance over text, especially an emotional situation. Communications include what I want to say, what I actually say, what the other person heard, and what the other person thinks you meant, so there are 4 points for misinterpretation in a single statement. Now amplify those misinterpretations across a volley of messages back and forth and you end up down a spiralling pit. At least in face to face conversations you can rely on non verbal cues to correct communication.
This may be an unpopular opinion? But I see a different approach to these situations that involve spinning things to assume positive intent that are in your best interest After all, you are wanting to work out anyhow and she isn’t disagreeing about doing so or saying no to that.
Frankly I probably would have subdued my ego and responded “good point about the past ,and this is something I will fix and change”.
And no matter what the next possibility terrible retort is, offer those hurt feelings up to God to resolve, he can help you with them. Probably no one else on earth really can help over a text message because too much information is lost
It avoids the escalation with her and gives you the same healthyish approach to improving your life.
It may also be a good first step to changing behaviors in your relationship. Maybe this will make the space to help you find a path to healing or make it clear if there is not a path to healing.
If it doesn’t turn around and you need to leave the relationship anyhow, you should be healthier by then and you will have learned how to offer up so many frustrations to God. So for you it can be a win-win.
My unrelated story involves my kids. They were sick of me “yelling” at them, so I’ve prayed about it and really reduced that. My daughter who used to sneak out and smoke pot with her friends doesn’t do that anymore. I’m confident that behavior change for her wouldn’t have happened without my behavior change first. I’m less stressed about my kids now too.
It is no guarantee that she will never fall back in that trap, but she’s able to be more honest with me now and we have better conversations because she isn’t in a fear/frustration mode.
I love this post. I was trying to figure out how to tell him her intent is probably not malicious, her delivery just sucks. Instead of focusing on how her words made you feel, think about the message she was trying to deliver.
One of the hardest things to do in life is to cut your losses and move on but its also one of the most rewarding. Move on, you deserve support and encouragement not that garbage.
For years I had the same issue re getting to gym, my solution was to engage a personal trainer, it made me go cos if I didn't go I still had to pay. Once you get into the routine of going you can decided whether you still need the trainer. Exercise is very, very important, great for your health and stress.
Good luck you you, you deserve better.
PS some line from a song I love always helps me get going, try and find yours, odd but it helps.
Your earlier post really weighed on my heart. Are things better now? With the holidays around the corner, I hope you have found peace. Any man that would work two jobs to support his family deserves more.
That's no way to be treated or to live life. No thanks. We only get one spin on the big wheel and you have the power to allow who you want to be on the wheel with you.
Here's a channel I would recommend everyone in your situation listen to. There are a lot of videos of guys in your similar situation that he offers some sage advice to. I think if you watched a couple of these videos, you'd get the direction you need.
A good woman builds her man up and vice versa, I'd leave her be to wallow in her own toxic outlook on life as it is to short for negativity. Best thing you can do is be happy without her, it'll drive her insane when she sees you enjoying your life without her. Trust me, it works.
I'm not a psychologist nor do I know anything much medically, but I have lived life and saw many things. 'I don't think' a person becomes Bipolar overnight or overtime, I think you either always were Bipolar or you never were Bipolar. As for the PMDD, this is a great possibility as I've met other women who have struggled with it or PMS. But there comes a time in both 'not all people' a man and woman's life when they reach a crossroad. It usually strikes around late 30's to mid 40's. Most people call it a mid-life crisis.
They feel that their 'youth' is slipping away. Feelings of 'what did I accomplish' and 'where am I going.' No longer feeling attractive among others much less to their spouse. Feeling that soon they will be over the 'hump' and speeding towards 'old age.' I know, I was there myself. So what do you do about it?
It takes a patient person with lots of love to help them through. Perhaps you could take her out to buy a new outfit/dress. Have her get all dolled up and then take her out for the evening. Tell her how you want to show the world that you have the most beautiful woman in the world, then let her flaunt it to an extent. Be a gentleman in everything. Women during this time want to feel appreciated. After work, (I know you're tired) ask if you could help with the dishes. Then later sit down and watch a movie together. If you join something for yourself, include her in your decision and ask if she'd like to join too. Don't forget to tell her that 'you' have needs too and that you want to stay in shape. Tell her that you want to look handsome for her and you don't want to let yourself go either.
But most of all, sit down and TALK and ask her what it is that she wants/needs. Remind her how much you LOVE HER and how you want to spend the rest of your life with her. I believe she is suffering a mid-life crisis. It is the void she cannot fill, the thing she is searching for. Remember, God said, "THIS TOO SHALL PASS." Given time, understanding and love, she should be the wife you remember. AND I would check out the PMDD just in case. Let's cross what it isn't so you can work on what it really is. AND she may be Bipolar but just never knew it. There would have been plenty of signs along the way through the years that you simply didn't notice. But right now, I go for the mid-life crisis. Good luck and God bless my friend.
I've been in our old home now for a week clearing out old crap, taking things to the dump, going to goodwill, cleaning, etc. Like I shared before ... 1.5 years of divorce discussions. Wife suddenly comes to me when she's about to move and says she doesnt want divorce and instead wants me to move there with them and us to all be a family. I was overjoyed, felt like prayers were working. Then while she's gone we're texting, I tell her I'm going to get a planet fitness membership. I get this nice response. Also note that I said "good night" because she previously said good night prior in the next when she was telling me that all I do is lay around (I literally work nearly two jobs so my time off , yeah, I like to lay and relax in bed and watch some tv or read the bible).
Now I have no idea where my life is about to go. Maybe my intuition and my gut on going car camping was correct and she was just trying to pull me out of that, like the matrix or something trying to keep me in this craziness loop.
I don't think I deserve to be with someone who speaks to me like this. Do you? Who says shit like this to a spouse when the other spouse says their ideas and goals?
I didn't respond any further to this text. And now I am, once again, in a position where I have no idea where my life trajectory is heading. What freaking timeline are we on? I feel like I'm going crazy. and honestly I've read that bipolar conditions cause others to feel like they are losing their sanity. Pretty sure that's what I'm up against.
Is it better to just pack my bags and hit the road, never reply again? Like what the heck.
EDIT: NOTE: My lease ends in ONE WEEK and I have NO WHERE to go. She had told me I was moving back in there with her, prior to her moving out (which was nice, because i prayed for us to be back together for over a year now ... but otherwise I was planning on sleeping in my car and doing airbnb). So now I've spent all this time getting this current home ready to vacate. Now all day she's texting me random things like "I've you're going to do XYZ, just don't move in here" (sleep past 9am on my days off because she wants to be "active" and "healthy"). Ya'll. This has come down to the wire. I don't know what the F I'm about to be doing. God help me.
Also, noteworthy, the money I had saved which was to buy myself a rooftop tent and a month's worth of airbnb costs have now gone to HER where she asked I pay the first months rent, which I sent to her. I put a lot of trust in her. I am constantly being misled. God... I don't know. I was just rejoicing two weeks ago about the glory of God and prayer. Why is he u-turning me like this? What am I supposed to gather? WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO. :(
She’s already whipping you around and you haven’t moved in yet. It’s a sign. Trust your gut.
You sound agitated right now, with good reason. Very few good decisions come from a place of agitation.
Find a quiet space. By flowing water. A river. A lake. Middle of the woods. Edge of the desert. Wherever you feel calm and at peace. All alone. Sit and listen to the thoughts in your head. Let them play out, ask internally what you need to do. The "you" that is YOU knows what you want and need. Listen to that still voice inside. Sit and think about your thoughts about what YOU need, what YOU want. It may or may not involve another person, but a part of you knows EXACTLY what is right for you. Sometimes what my "outside" self thinks it wants is not at all what "me" really needs. It took me a long time to learn to listen to my inner voice, and follow my heart. The best choice was not always the easy way. God will always help you.
Thank you friend. will head to the beach tomorrow when I wake
go your own way dude you will be better for it. Sounds like she will just mess up your life. go get fit on your own accord don't let anyone control your life because they think they can control your emotions with making you feel self conscious about your body.
I am on a finesses journey myself i feel better for doing walks everyday.
You’re stuck suffering in her hell. It sounds like she’s exploring you financially. IMO You should go the direction that brings you to a stable position in life where you can take care of yourself, enjoy the fruits of your labors, and not be emotionally spent all the time over bologney.
I’d recommend listening to Jesse Lee Peterson radio show, and even calling in for advice.
I hope things get better for you soon fren!
I would not live with my wife and her boyfriend....
What do you mean? She moved into her own place.
Go camping then,save up and get your own place.
Sometimes you can find someone who needs a roommate, that would be a lot cheeper.
You keep saying move in with "them" and on top of that, your wife is acting as though she has options.
u/#howl
I was going to reply to your previous post and give my opinion, I decided to keep my opinion to myself. However today, I think you need it.
I dated a woman that had PMDD. She was very nice, very kind, most understanding and giving person for most of the month however, when her menstruation started she became the most hateful person I have ever met.
Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is a hormonal disorder, its like PMS x 100. They become very angry, unapproachable, hateful, rude, insulting and they like to isolate themselves from the world. I would text her and she wouldn't reply for 4 or 5 days, but then she would finally respond.
Look at the link below, look at the symptoms. Ask yourself if you see any of these symptoms with your wife.
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd
I knew she had some sort of medical condition. It happened like every few weeks. When I was trying to diagnose her medical condition, I come across PMDD and it was like BINGO!
I looked at the symptoms of PMDD and I could see every symptom listed happening to her. I sent this link to her and told her to read it and believe it or not, she listened to me. She went to see her doctor, I can't remember what they gave her, (I think Celexa) but it fixed her disorder. She took it for aprox a year and slowly weaned herself off. She has been good every since then.
I am not a person who advises pharm solutions but sometimes, you have no choice.
I married her last September. lol.
Geez. Yes. She displays like 12 out of 14 of those. Considering sending this to her, as well. But preferably when she's in a better mood. Though I've asked her to talk to someone and get some help and she just keeps saying it's the kids and me and that she has nothing wrong with her; she refuses to seek any treatment, even if its counseling.
Thanks for providing this. I will try.
And she wants you to work out? Give and take bro. Good luck
Text is a terrible forum for any important conversation. Refuse to discuss anything of significance over text, especially an emotional situation. Communications include what I want to say, what I actually say, what the other person heard, and what the other person thinks you meant, so there are 4 points for misinterpretation in a single statement. Now amplify those misinterpretations across a volley of messages back and forth and you end up down a spiralling pit. At least in face to face conversations you can rely on non verbal cues to correct communication.
This may be an unpopular opinion? But I see a different approach to these situations that involve spinning things to assume positive intent that are in your best interest After all, you are wanting to work out anyhow and she isn’t disagreeing about doing so or saying no to that.
Frankly I probably would have subdued my ego and responded “good point about the past ,and this is something I will fix and change”.
And no matter what the next possibility terrible retort is, offer those hurt feelings up to God to resolve, he can help you with them. Probably no one else on earth really can help over a text message because too much information is lost
It avoids the escalation with her and gives you the same healthyish approach to improving your life.
It may also be a good first step to changing behaviors in your relationship. Maybe this will make the space to help you find a path to healing or make it clear if there is not a path to healing.
If it doesn’t turn around and you need to leave the relationship anyhow, you should be healthier by then and you will have learned how to offer up so many frustrations to God. So for you it can be a win-win.
My unrelated story involves my kids. They were sick of me “yelling” at them, so I’ve prayed about it and really reduced that. My daughter who used to sneak out and smoke pot with her friends doesn’t do that anymore. I’m confident that behavior change for her wouldn’t have happened without my behavior change first. I’m less stressed about my kids now too. It is no guarantee that she will never fall back in that trap, but she’s able to be more honest with me now and we have better conversations because she isn’t in a fear/frustration mode.
I love this post. I was trying to figure out how to tell him her intent is probably not malicious, her delivery just sucks. Instead of focusing on how her words made you feel, think about the message she was trying to deliver.
https://youtu.be/4mqDsuhnnRk?si=NHRDAMaPkWeyug1e&t=46
One of the hardest things to do in life is to cut your losses and move on but its also one of the most rewarding. Move on, you deserve support and encouragement not that garbage.
For years I had the same issue re getting to gym, my solution was to engage a personal trainer, it made me go cos if I didn't go I still had to pay. Once you get into the routine of going you can decided whether you still need the trainer. Exercise is very, very important, great for your health and stress.
Good luck you you, you deserve better.
PS some line from a song I love always helps me get going, try and find yours, odd but it helps.
Dude. You're free. Go be a passport bro for a month or so, then come back and see if your ex is even a blip on your radar.
If I had it to do all over again, I'd absolutely outsource the next future ex Mrs. Lizard.
Dude...
Uh huh...Keep it up
Your earlier post really weighed on my heart. Are things better now? With the holidays around the corner, I hope you have found peace. Any man that would work two jobs to support his family deserves more.
That's no way to be treated or to live life. No thanks. We only get one spin on the big wheel and you have the power to allow who you want to be on the wheel with you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKovwjk3crg
Here's a channel I would recommend everyone in your situation listen to. There are a lot of videos of guys in your similar situation that he offers some sage advice to. I think if you watched a couple of these videos, you'd get the direction you need.
A good woman builds her man up and vice versa, I'd leave her be to wallow in her own toxic outlook on life as it is to short for negativity. Best thing you can do is be happy without her, it'll drive her insane when she sees you enjoying your life without her. Trust me, it works.
I'm not a psychologist nor do I know anything much medically, but I have lived life and saw many things. 'I don't think' a person becomes Bipolar overnight or overtime, I think you either always were Bipolar or you never were Bipolar. As for the PMDD, this is a great possibility as I've met other women who have struggled with it or PMS. But there comes a time in both 'not all people' a man and woman's life when they reach a crossroad. It usually strikes around late 30's to mid 40's. Most people call it a mid-life crisis.
They feel that their 'youth' is slipping away. Feelings of 'what did I accomplish' and 'where am I going.' No longer feeling attractive among others much less to their spouse. Feeling that soon they will be over the 'hump' and speeding towards 'old age.' I know, I was there myself. So what do you do about it?